hi, my name is chris ford, i have been on
some form of adderall everyday of my life
since i was in 3rd grade for ADD. i m now
TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD. so after 11 or 12
years, i have decided enough is enough.
for years i thought i was a machine,
a god,
i would stay awake for days without sleep
or food, just cigarettes and redbulls,
(for years i did this) i am an artist. so
all i would do is paint and draw all night
and go to work during the day and do drugs
and drink with friends in the evening,
next day, same thing. i was unstoppable,
in the younger years, indestructible.
it came to a resent point where i needed
to blow lines of adderal the minute i woke
up every day or all hell would break
loose,and FORGET about not having ne when
i prescription ran out, i was ready,
stocked, under control.
what a dummy i was.
adderall ran my life, alot of my art work
became focused on depression and how
adderall was the power behind my everyday,
"adderall is the batteries of my life".
even as im writing this, i know what the
constant ringing in my ear is saying "
this would be so much easier if u had some
adderall"
but i do not. i have stopped taking it "
cold turkey" ha, i read somewhere else on
this thing that thats not a good idea. but
nothing is impossible. i m now a tattoo
artist, the worst thing about not being on
this drug any more is zero motivation, not
how my bones and body hurts for hours
every morning, how tired i m ALWAYS, the
increased depression, and dought of self
worth, i feel like all the motivation to
do things came from those pills. i now sit
down with some paper, and nothing, i want
to make art like i used to, thats the
hardest thing about being off the drugs, i
just want to create caca, but now, im
blank.
i have found smoking weed helps with this
problem alittle. but nothing like adderall
used to.. oh man, the things id
accomplish. i could do nething, and now,
everything seems so limited, i hope this
way of thinking gets done with soon. neone
know ne other ways to help or ease these
problems? im sorry if this post seems like
it went nowhere, i have more to say. but i
must stop writing, lack of focus and
restlessness is overwhelming. hit me back
friends.
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Chicagogirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Mar 2008 Posts: 16
Posted: 03-13-08 18:49pm
The only reason you feel like you have
limits to your artistic ability is because
you created them in your head. You
associate them with your use. Smoking weed
is just literally trading one addiction
for another.
I'm a published author and pretty popular
band. I thought for a long time that I
couldn't write, model or do anything
without pills. Then I realized I'm a
starving artist because I'm stubborn not
because I'm an addict. So I mad the choice
to get clean, and quit playing the role of
the tortured artist.
You are focusing too much on what you
can't do. Basically stop complaining and
embrace all your downfalls, and learn new
ways to express yourself.
it's not impossible unless you continue to
make it such.
