After evrey saddness theres a smile..wheres mine?

Well, im 14 im still just a lil kid -_- but, even though my mom would always complain about me about stuff, that i dont have freinds or that i can never get a bf, anyways, i cant gain a boyfriend since of my childhood trauma, When i was in 6th grade, i mooved to Mexico, and i was always bullied since i knew english and i didnt know a whole bunch of spanish, the whole class bullied me, they would steal my money, write in my notebooks and books, hit me with trash or paper balls, sometimes they would even say mean stuff about me and grab onto my arm writing on my arm with permenent marker, one time they even burned my right hand with a lighter, thats when i became quiet, my mom didnt believe me about the bullying, my sister made fun of me telling me that i was fat and stupid, and all i could ever do is bite my lip and deal with it, but when i got into middle school, evreybody left me alone, i didnt talk to anyone, i got confessed by one of my classmates that bullied me back then and i punched him in the face, thats when evreything whent down hill, i started harming myself and was close to suicide, i tried hard not to look ppl in the eyes, and since we had to use uniforms i had to wear a jacket or a long sleeve shirt under, so id always feel fat, ugly or stupid.. i wished there was someone like me, in my school, anywhere so i could atleast make one friend, but there was no one there that would talk to me, i was an outcast..and when i got to 8th grade , i felt a bit uncomftrable, i wasnt able to make friends, or anything, my teachers complained about my habbit of cutting myself, i was forced to go to a phsyciatris,(however you spell it) and i wasnt allowed to have sharp objects at hand or in my backpack so i had to empty out my backpack infront of my mom just so she could see i was ok, and now..now... that im in 9th grade, i havnt cut myself in 6 months or so, and i feel like doing it, again ..since my parents are fighting and wanting me to go back to america, or stay here in mexico, so im stressed out, i feel like im sleeping and if i wake up,ill find out that im acctuly in heaven, or hell, idk, i dont want to take it out on my parents, since they caare and i dont want them to worry..i just whent them to atleast not fight, for a day, or for atleast my birthday..atleast... i know im probably just complaining, and i dont want that, but i cant help it, its killing me right now, ..idk...i dont want to be weak anymore...