Attractive (I think) but very shy around the "ladies"

how did you end up doing the "things" with girls? Did you initaiate that or did they?

my boyfriend was shy before he asked me out and he was 17 and had never had a girlfriend or done anything before either. We ended up getting together through a mutual friend. Maybe you could double date or something? that might help if you have other people to talk to at the same time. Ask one of you friends to help set you up with a girlfriend of theirs or something? good luck!

I was shy also when I was young and had little experience with girls. I found that taking the first step by talking with a girl first, without the pressure of asking her out, worked for me. By talking to her, you get to know her and the next time you approach her, you won't be a stranger.

I prepared a list of topics to talk with her about and memorized it. I also asked her lots of questions because you'll find that many people love to talk about themselves. I treated it as an experiment to see whether I could actually converse with a female. I was also fairly attractive then and it worked the first time and then I got to know the girl and, eventually, worked up the nerve to ask her out on a date.

When you get to that point, don't make the date too complicated at first, just a movie and maybe a meal. Or, if you're in school, see if you can study together at her house and that would give you a chance to talk. The most important thing is to practice what you have learned, so that your shyness doesn't stop you from talking to her.

I have learned much more about women after living with them for years, and the most important thing is that many are as nervous as you are and a lot are also shy. At the beginning, don't set the bar too high by trying to ask out the most beautiful and popular girl in school. Go instead for someone whom you find attractive, but who may not be among the popular clique. There is no limit these days of different types of girls and personalities to choose from.

Most important, practice until you have your plan set in your mind and, then, go out and conquer your shyness. It gets easier and easier as you become more familiar with girls.

Good luck.

Thank you both for responding. , for the first response, She intiated the first move, she was the first girl I ever did anything with, and I knew the guys supposed to make the first move but I just couldn't do it. Same thing that happened with you happened with me (Mutual friend), my brother was dating a girl that was friends with the girl I was hanging out with. We actually had a triple date goin on once, it wasn't bad then, I was relaxed but then when it was just her and I, things were a lot different, I was nervous and stressed about making the first move, because I knew it had to come eventually because we had hung out at least three other times before starting to do anything (Besides holding hands). For the second response, I can't create small talk, like I can't keep the conversation going, I'm actually learning from other people when they small talk (parents and such). I haven't tried anything I learned on a girl. I think I'm going to prepare a list of topics to talk about, as you mentioned, and study it before going on a date. I'm pretty good texting with a girl, but I never really talk on the phone with one, I also have a problem with eye contact... I just feel like I'm staring the person I'm looking at down or something, so I usually look away, any ideas on that? even though that's a different question.

my boyfriend and I didnt even hold hands until we had been together from like 2 months. He was shy and I knew that. I guess i just depends on the girl because I was fine with it, i knew when he worked up the courage it would happen. I didnt want to scare him off bc I knew he was nervous enough.

I used to prepare lists when I would talk to my boyfriend on the phone too.

I think movies are a good idea, it gives you something to fall back on and talk about. Just pick small and simple topics and then just kind of build off of them.

Because my relationship is long distance, I would need a lot of things to talk about over the phone. I always start out asking about his day and then talking about mine. We usually fine something to build off of in that little conversation.

I had a rough time with eye contact too, but no one thinks you're staring at them. Its a confidence thing, when you are more confident then looking someone in the eye won't be a problem.

plus, if you start by talking to them on the phone or going to a movie you will know more about them and eventually the confidence will build. The more you know about their likes and dislikes the more confident you should get b/c you will know how she reacts to different things

hope we are helping you

You both are, thank you, very helpful . I'll try your advice when I find a girl I like.
About eye contact... what do you mean by confidence? like confidence on the way you look?

I was talking about the confidence in yourself, maybe the way you look but also getting over a fear or rejection maybe. I dont know if that is a concern of your or not. But like you were talking about how you feel like you are staring at them, it may seem like that to you but I'm sure you are not, you just think you are.

Did any of that make sense?

Yes, it happens with everyone, not just girls so it's not a lack of confidence in my looks it's like I'm having a little staring contest with them, I'm trying to improve on that though.

thats funny,i was going to say you feel like you are having a staring contest with them. I'm sure you are not actually staring and they know that, you just have to realize it

Yeah your right, I just have to make eye contact more to get used to it, thanks.

no problems, anything else you need feel free to pm me good luck with everything

Alright I will

There are a lot of ways to work on eye contact, you just need to find out what works for you.

I had a friend who said that sports help him get over his issues with eye contact since you need to be able to make eye contact with your team members and opponents.

The best thing I can think of is focus on what the person is saying. If you think too much about where or what you're looking at you'll get distracted by something like the food stuck in their teeth or the fact that you've been making eye contact for what seems like hours. Just focus on the words and meanings, because thats all the person you're talking to is thinking about too.

I would also suggest taking some public speaking classes in school if you have any. This is what helped me the most. Whenever I would have a speech I would practice it in front of a mirror so I always knew when I would look away. Its a fantastic way to keep eye contact in a public speaking setting, and if you can hold eye contact when your audience is large, then you can definetly hold it in a smaller setting. Also, being around people who are trying just as hard as you will give you a better appreciation for it. After my communication classes I feel like its very unnatural for me not to look at someone I'm speaking or listening to. Its how you show interest.

I hope this helps, sorry I got a little carried away.

The problem with me recently has been, since I've been trying to make more eye contact, is that I would stare at them, and like you said, think to much about it, and they would introduce themselves but I would be to distraced with the whole eye contact thing that I wouldn't even know what they said their name was.
I actually do have a public speaking class in my school but, I know this is a stupid reason to not take it but, I don't like the teacher. A while back in 7th or 8th grade, everyone in the class had to read in church, you had no choice, my teacher said to look above their heads, to help, but as soon as I got up to the podium my eyes started to water and I didn't look up after that... I just wanted to finish the reading. Actually, for all the times I have read something around a crowd, my eyes would start to water (Sometimes even in school too). My next step is to definitely focus on what they say and not to focus on making eye contact. I read something in my Health book about active listening (atleast I think that's what it was called), when you like agree, nod, say "uh-huh", "right"... things like that... to something that someone says. This is also a problem I have, which kinda falls into the small talk category, I would think. Do you do this when your speaking with someone?

My eyes water alot when I talk to people. I dont know how to avoid it either. And i do what you do with the nodding. It sounds like we have a lot of the same problems because i am not very good at talking to people either.

Well I know that when your eyes water when you try to focus on something then its a good indication that your eyes need to be checked. You may need glasses. Especially when you tried to focus on the back of the room instead of what was closer.

My communcations teacher had me make eye contact with people, and practicing in front of a mirror really helped.

I can't remember the class as much, but I think both of your problems can be solved with just focusing on what the other person is saying. Everyone gets a little distacted sometimes, no big deal. But when you're meeting people or talking to someone close, its really important to make and keep eye contact AND listen to what they are saying(not just hear it). Just think about what they are saying and don't say "Right" "Yes" or anything unless you REALLY understand what they are saying. Asking questions and even verifying what they say are good ways to keep yourself involved.

I don't think my eyes are bad it's more of a nervous thing. Thanks for the advice, I'll try to remember that the next time I have a conversation.

My eyes are not bad either. I am so bad with talking ot people, in an attemp to get over my fear, i gave a speech at graduation but it did nothing. I just rushed through it and only looked up once. I still cannot do it very good.
Good luck with the ladies