my best friend is 19 and having a baby
with a 32-year-old trashy guy who has been
cheating on her for the past few months.
she really seems excited about it and is
not seeing this for what it really is: a
bad situation. i told her i think she
should get an abortion but she doesn't
want to. i know there is no way he's going
to let her give it up for adoption because
he's wanted kids for a long time. she is
in no way mentally ready to have a child.i
think she thinks this will fix thier
relationship which just stupid. i know
she's being blinded by love or whatever
but ireally just want to shake her or slap
her and make her open her eyes!!!! i don't
know what to do to make her see what a
horrible mistake this is!!!
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manuftw82
Supporter
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 358 Location: Vestal/LI, NY USA
Thanks: 7
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-04-08 14:42pm
This is her choice to make, not yours.
You really just need to be supportive of
her.
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mybestfriendisnuts
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 May 2008 Posts: 2
Posted: 05-05-08 03:08am
you just have no clue. this girl has a
history of mental illness and drug use.i
do want ot be supportive but i mean this
is just so bad.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 7986 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 116
Thanked:8
Posted: 05-05-08 03:43am
Chances are, she's too emotionally close
to this to see it clearly. Telling her
this is a bad idea or to get an abortion
won't do anything except upset her and
make her angry with you. You may think
you're right and she's not (and that might
be true, I don't know) but you need to
understand that this is her life as she
knows it. She loves this man and is
excited about her pregnancy.
Instead of trying to hammer it into her
head that she's making a mistake, be there
for her. Things will probably get worse
for her, and instead of saying "I tried to
tell you", just be there to catch her when
she falls. Even if you can't bring
yourself to support her, just let her know
that you'll always be there if she needs a
friend.
If you're worried for this baby, however,
it's probably in your friend's best
interest for you to ask her to stop using
drugs. Print out some information online
about drug use and pregnancy, newborns
born with addiction problems, birth
defects, and behavioral problems. Present
this information to her with an "I'm just
trying to help you make some good choices
for your baby" attitude, not a "you're
doing wrong and you're being a bad mother"
attitude. She'll be more likely to listen
if she feels you're her friend and not
judging her. Also, you might want to keep
in close contact with her after the baby's
born. If you think her and the father are
using drugs around the baby or that
they're in the house, an anonymous call to
CPS might be in order.
These are ways that you can help your
friend without pushing her away. You can't
fix this for her, mainly because she
doesn't want this to be fixed. If you're
looking for advice on how to get some
sense into her head, I'm afraid that's
going to be hard. She's going to need to
learn this lesson on her own, and it's not
going to be an easy ride. She needs
strong, reliable friends around her right
now.
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krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 05-05-08 15:31pm
This really isnt a situation where you
have a say though..
shes made up her mind, and as long as she
is open and honest with her doctor about
her past mental illness and drug use, they
can help adress the situation for her.
If this is a bad decision, which you think
it is, she'll have to figure that out for
herself...for all you know her bf could do
a 360 from this and shape up and be really
supportive for her.
Alot of teens get pregnant younger than
this and keep their babies.
In my pregnancy book, it says that there
are some drugs that after many years of
use during pregnancy, have shown no
evidence to suggest that they may be
harmful to the unborn child[this doesnt
mean its ok to do still]As long as she
consults her doctor for info on drugs she
has used they can help her with recovery
and withdrawl progress.
About the mental illness, again she'd have
to tell the doctor to seek more
information about it while she is
pregnant.
All you have to do is try and be
supportive...
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anonymouss
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 3 Location: , usa
Posted: 05-07-08 19:41pm
honestly, all you can do is support her.
I'll tell you what happened with me and my
best friend.. she HATED my boyfriend like
no other person could hate someone. I took
a pregnancy test so I could re-up my birth
control. And it came out positive.. at
first she was the most supportive person
there was. We talked on the phone. But she
would try to steer me in the direction of
abortion. I knew the choice was up to me
and I was going to keep it with the
support of my family. We didn't talk for
one weekend, just because we went our
seperate ways. Next thing I know, I'm
having a conversation with her and she's
screaming at me telling me that we won't
be friends anymore cause I'll have a baby
and she'll be embarrassed to go out with
me because i'm pregnant and then she
crossed the line when she told me that i
had to get an abortion simply because my
baby would be hideous... so yeah my best
friend of 3 years isn't my friend anymore,
honestly just support whatever path she
decides to take and realize that she's
going through more pain than you could
ever imagine.
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