Bilingual parents being difficult Posted: 03-31-08 23:56pm
me and my bf have been going out for
almost a year. (it will be a year on april
14th! yay!) but i feel like his parents,
especially his aunt (shes his main
guardian) hate me!
they know we have had sex... well... she
walked in on us... and its totally ruined
my relationship with her. she barely talks
to me now, and we cant even go up into his
room to watch a movie so we dont get
harrassed by his little cousin. even if we
have the door open and sat on the other
side of the room from eachother... i
swear!
the thing that bothers me the most is that
since i dont speak spanish, she tells him
things to tell me. she wont say it to me,
but says it in spanish to him. she wouldnt
even just ask me to move one seat over!
it really hurts my feelings. every time i
go over there i feel so un-accepted. his
uncle is cool with me, although if he
tries to punish my bf he chooses ways that
seem to punish me more.
what can i do to maybe earn back their
trust, at least a little bit more. i
honestly can see me and andres getting
married someday, but i dont want things to
be like this with me and his aunt for the
rest of our lives... that would make it so
hard!
any advice??
thanks
<3 LadyAllie
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coliejo
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Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 564 Location: East Lansing, MI
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Posted: 04-01-08 23:15pm
Aww, congrats on your almost 1 year! the
14th is me and my bf's anniversary too! It
will be 4 years this year.
But back on topic, have you talked to your
bf about it or things she might say when
you are not there? It is going to be
difficult since you do not know spanish to
talk to her if she wont talk back. If his
aunt already has her mind made up about
you, the one one who i feel can change her
mind is her. She has to accept the fact
that you are having sex with him.
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mominashoe
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Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1560 Location: , USA
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Posted: 04-01-08 23:30pm
Your boyfriend needs to stick up for you.
If you can see both of you being married
someday, you need to get this situation
under control right now.
It takes two to have sex, so he is equally
at fault for having sex as you are, so she
should have no reason to complain and to
be mad at you and not him, if that makes
sense. When she fusses and says things in
Spanish, he should stand up to her, sass
her right back and say that if she doesn't
like you, too bad: if she cares about him,
she will have to care about who he cares
about too. You should definitely speak to
your bf about that.
She is entitled to have her rules in her
own house however. You can always find
another place to see each other if nothing
works out, since this is probably causing
his family, you, and your BF much more
stress than necessary. Just remember that
when you marry a man, you marry his
family too.
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LovelyLeigh
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2008 Posts: 80
Posted: 04-02-08 20:01pm
sit down with his aunt and talk things out
with her.
try your hardest not to piss her off...
trust me it will be fine
yea i hate not being able to speak spanish
cause when my boyfriends grandpa talks to
me i like never know what he is
saying..and im just sitting there looking
stupid but
no just ask to talk to her and go from
there
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LadyAllie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 104 Location: ,
Posted: 04-05-08 17:12pm
thank you for the advice!
i know i should talk to her, and andres
should stick up for me, but you dont know
this lady. i call her "hurricaine laura"
because any little thing will set her off.
i told andres that her sons butt
smelled... which it did... and she heard
me and kicked me out of the house.
i so want to talk to her about it, but i
dont know what i would say. i think
anything i say would be offensive to her,
and that no matter what the point im
trying to make, shell just find some
excuse or bite my head off.
its super difficult. andres is in the same
position as i am. she doesnt listen to
people, and any time she talks to him its
basically yelling at him, or scolding him.
thats just from her tone of voice tho...
she always speaks spanish when im around.
its horrible.
thank you again for the input ladies!
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Maddie34
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Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1175 Location: ,
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Posted: 04-05-08 19:32pm
Eh, I don't like the idea of a boyfriend
sassing back at his guardian. My
boyfriends mom didn't like me at first
either. She just automatically assumed we
were having sex(which is really annoying
since I made the decision to wait). She
would go so far as to give both my
boyfriend and I std pamphlets. I hated it.
She would start scolding him when I would
come over and everything would be awkward.
However, I do think that its her house, so
I solved my own problem and refused to go
over there. When I would come over to pick
him up I was short with her and pretty
much ran out of the house. She's been
better with me since, so maybe finding a
different getaway place would be a better
idea for awhile.
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LadyAllie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 104 Location: ,
Posted: 04-06-08 12:04pm
[quote="Maddie34] However, I do think that
its her house, so I solved my own problem
and refused to go over there. When I would
come over to pick him up I was short with
her and pretty much ran out of the house.
She's been better with me since, so maybe
finding a different getaway place would be
a better idea for awhile.[/quote]
if i did that, the only time we would ever
be able to see eachother would be at
school, which is only like an hour tops
and its not like quality time or anything.
she hardly lets him go out. she doesnt
like it when he comes to my house because
her and my parents are "conflictinng right
now." my parents are trying to help him
with ordering his graduation stuff like
his cap and gown. she wouldnt even order
his cap and gown for him. now shes making
him do it cuz she doesnt want my mom to do
it.
i hate going over to their house because i
feel so un wanted, but if i dont i wont be
able to see my bf.
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Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1175 Location: ,
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Posted: 04-06-08 15:14pm
I completely understand.
Do you have a car? Do you live close
together? I would go on walks with my guy
or just drive around and park somewhere
nice to talk or you know, whatever.
I didn't like bringing him over to my
house because I have a big family and
shared a room so there was zero privacy
anyways. My little sister has a habbit of
sitting in between us and falling asleep
too. Its cute, but gets old.
Just go out to a movie and take your time
getting home.
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LadyAllie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 104 Location: ,
maddie34 Posted: 04-06-08 22:25pm
i do have a car and so does he, but we
live like 15-20 minutes apart. its tons of
gas to drive there and back... especially
with the prices now days.
i try to spend as much time as i can there
after school, and i try to get there nice
and early before shcool. i give him rides
to schoo.
i leave my house before 7 so i can go
spend time with him in the mornings.
school doesnt start untill 750.
its still lame tho. it wouldnt be so bad
hanging out at his house if we could go
upstairs in his room and hang out. i
seriously have to ask to use the upstairs
bathroom if the downstairs one is
occupied. its rediculous
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Maddie34
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Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1175 Location: ,
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Posted: 04-07-08 01:32am
Hm, I guess its up to you then. I'm from a
small town area and towns are just that
far apart so it sounds farily normal to
me. And even over this spring break I
would drive a good 30+ miles to get into
the town he was in since he lived with his
dad. However, I'm also pathetically broke,
so I can see why you wouldn't want to do
that.
When I'm home for the summer we would
split up who drives when. Some nights I
drive, other time him. And its not like
you need to see him every night (it really
was something I never mastered in
highschool-- boyfriends and school). So
its just another way to cut the costs. I
suppose in high school I usually stuck to
seeing my boyfriend on the weekends. And
walks are wonderful for quality time and
cost very little.
It sucks but really, its her house. The
best you can do is work around her rules
until your boyfriend moves out.
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