Bipolar Disorder Forum - bipolar relationship issues

My boyfriend moved into a new house on feb 1 & the very next day on our one year anniversary is proposed to me in our new house. My boyfriend has known since the very beginning that I have bi-polar disorder. When we went on our first date, I was still in the hospital finishing up going on Lithium for my stabilizer. I have been diagnosed with type 2 bipolar, panic disorder, social anxiety & general anxiety disorder as well as Cluster B Personality type.

From the very beginning I attempted to supply him with information, I tried to be honest about my needs, I asked him to seek a counsellor to help him in understanding how to cope with someone like myself, but for 6 months he has been putting it off.

Before we even moved in, my parents, who had a complete turnaround after attending the NAMI group and other groups through CMHA, even warned him of some of the things that happen when living with me. They told him that if he ever needed to talk, or if he needed a ride to any appointment or anything they would help him out because they knew what it was like to go through it with me, and they knew it was difficult, but through hardwork and honest communication it doesn't have to be.

I have been stable pretty much for over a year. I used to be a self mutilator, anorexic as well, and I have severe rage issues when I get very upset or I feel like someone is boxing me into a corner. I do not have very many issues with my mania since i've been on the proper meds, and I have not had a breakdown or anything in quite sometime.

I have a psychiatrist that I am currently seeing as well as a worker at CMHA. Although these people give me a lot of good tips on how to live with someone, it doesn't seem to be working out.

my fiance is very devoted to music, has his own business and works full time. Often this leaves me alone considering I have a hard time making friends. When he gets involved in his work, he cannot see anything around him. The last 3 weeks have been especially bad as he has been finishing off his album, and I would barely see him and when I did he would only talk to me about his work, never asking about how i'm doing or anything.

During this time, I started having trouble sleeping again, which is strange for me as I've had a good sleep schedule so far. Then I started having panic attacks, then last week I had my first real 'breakdown' where I ran to the bathroom upstairs and cried and cried and hit myself in the head and blamed my self [as per usual in this situation]. The situation was dissolved but my fiance still did not see that things were going down hill, even when I would sit him down over and over again and try to tell him he needed to get help to learn how to live with me, he needs to have support. But then he just says I'm complaining or blaming him for my problems.

while all the time I have psych appointments every month, I see a worker every month, I take my meds, I eat well, I exercise, although I don't work, I have my own interests and am a published writer, poet and photographer. I have worked very hard to get to the point in my life where I feel stable, but living with my fiance is aggravating it and though he tells me loves me and stuff, he won't get himself any help.

Prior to meeting my fiance, I had a highschool to university relationship that lasted almost eight years, and my boyfriend lived with me as well. I was not stable, I cheated on him countless times, everyday I would be screaming and yelling and freaking out. He would have to pin me down so I wouldn't cut myself. Everyday was a struggle, and that boyfriend just swept it under the rug. Didn't get me any help and we broke up because I became so manic because I was put on effexor w/ no stabilizer because at the time I was diagnosed with depression.

I am seeing a similar pattern form with my fiance now. He's already uttered the lines " I didn't think it was going to be like this" when in fact I've done everything for myself as best as I can, as well trying to get him the help he needs. I feel overburdened and stressed out all the time because he may read on paper what bipolar is but he seems to not understand how to deal with it in real life [i know it's hard] but there are resources available and he's just not taking them.

Yesterday it came to a head. I had one of my biggest freakouts in a long time. I was very upset because we were having a very heated discussion, and like the boyfriends of the past, he felt trying to grab a hold of me in a big bear hug is a proper thing to do, in an attempt to restrain, but instead it makes me claustrophobic and in the past I have freaked out even worse when this has happened. I fight for survival,. I will kick and scratch just to get away because too much is going on. Even if that person is trying to calm me down, I can't handle losing control like that. In the process I scratched up his hand.

I am very ashamed of this. There was talk about me going to my parents houses, him moving in with his grandparents, he was going to call the cops and try and have me committed. However I feel that if he had gone to get counseling, had learnt about this, then we wouldn't be having this bad of a time. Also I feel like crap because I worked so hard, and do everyday to remain stable and it's just so easy for him to come home from work and set me off.

I am not sure what to do. I read so many stories on here about relationships that do not work because of bipolar. I know my case is far milder than other peoples, but I know that at all costs I have to keep it under control.

last night he told me " what if i'm not good at learning about this, what if I find out I can't handle you if I go to counseling" He told me to keep up positive things [i told him that he has tried, I mean he's read the literature so that's better than most] but I feel like I have to pull the weight for both of us and I feel like i'm buckling under the pressure. I don't know what to do! I love this man a lot. He is very creative though and even though he doesn't have a mental disorder [?] his tendencies are very similar to my bipolar disorder and we come to head a lot. He does not see any of these things, nor does he try. I literally begged him three weeks ago when this was starting to get some help, and instead he didn't. now i feel i'm at this place, and it could have been avoided or at least made better.

How do you get assistance for someone like this?

I want and need to be healthy and I want him to be a part of my life, but I am biter because I feel like it's not worth his time to go to a counselor and get some help. i don't know what to do.