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Willa Weintraub
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Boyfriend doesn't agree with gay lifestyle
Posted: 03-14-08 11:01am
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Hello all you lovelies! I'll get strait to
the point.
My beef: My boyfriend and I just got
together about 2 weeks ago. . . We were
talking (before we got together) about
being gay and racism and stuff and he does
*not* agree with the gay lifestyle.My best
friend is gay. He was having a party this
weekend and invited my bf and I. . I told
him he will have to meet my Anthony some
time because he is my best friend. Are
there any tips to make him a little more
easy going? He agreed to go to the party
with me but said he didn't want to stay
long cause he knows he wont have fun so I
suggested he just not go at all to avoid
any conflict. I feel so uncomfortable
talking to him about the subject but I
love my best friend and i'm not going to
stop talking to him because of my bf (not
that he expects me to but still).What do I
do?Any tips?
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poisonangel168
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Joined: 19 Dec 2007
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Location: High Ridge, MO, USA
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Posted: 03-14-08 11:05am
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No person has a right to judge another
based on sexual preference. Your bf needs
to learn to be more tolerant. How would
he like it if he were discriminated
against based on being heterosexual?
There is more to a person than who they
like to sleep with. He should get to know
your friend as a person, not a homosexual.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-14-08 11:14am
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Thats what I said to him, but my question
is how to get him to be comfortable enough
around him *to* get to know him. It's how
he was raised so it's really all he knows.
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poisonangel168
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Posted: 03-14-08 11:28am
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Does he drink at all? Maybe if he had a
little to drink, it would help make him
more comfortable. I'm sure that after
being around your friend and seeing how
important he is to you your bf will
lighten up about it. It's not like he has
to be worried about your friend making
passes at him...lol.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-14-08 11:34am
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Lol, your right. My friend is actually
really cool and I know if he wasn't gay
him and my bf would get along so well! We
all have about the same personality. Maybe
drinking would be good. We went out a few
weekends ago and drank and had a blast.
Thanks for the tips and if you come across
anymore let me know!
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JYoungBear
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Posted: 03-14-08 11:44am
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Not so sure if drinking may help matters.
If too much is taken in, it could create
problems between your bf and your best
friend.
My suggestion is to talk to your bf and
tell him there is a lot more than just
sexual preference to a person. In this
day and age, it is better to be accepting
of someone for who they are, not who they
choose to love.
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Marianne0558
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Posted: 03-14-08 12:26pm
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Just tell your boyfriend that he should be
happy your best friend is gay-he won't
have to worry about Anthony hitting on
you...
I think once he gets to the party and
interacts a little, he will see how much
fun everyone else is having and maybe he
will want to join in. As long as he isn't
left out or feeling left out, there
probably won't be a problem. Don't force
him to stay, but at the same time, don't
let him force you to leave if you aren't
ready. They just need time to get to know
eachother then maybe his view about
homosexuality will change. Good luck
sweetie
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-14-08 12:52pm
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Well we decided last night that he wasn't
going to go. He asked how long I wanted to
stay and I sais a few hours. He only
wanted to stay for *maybe* an hour. I'll
feel bad if I want to stay and he wants to
leave but I don't want to just leave my
friend hanging cause i've been spending so
much time with my new bf that I haven't
hung out with my friend. I'm glad he isn't
going cause thats sort of my 'break' and I
really don't want us mixing friends. It's
sort of like an invasion thing I guess.
I was thinking, my bf's best friend is
engaged to another good friend of mine and
she wants to hang out with my gay friend
with me. So maybe all of us should hang
out to take some tension away? I have no
idea.
I know i've already blabbed way too much
but do you think this would be a reason
for my bf and I *not* to be together? We
are great in all other ways but when the
gay subject comes up, forget it. I want to
raise my kids to be what they want and
hang out with who they want. No
discrimination and no racism.
Thanks for your input, I really do
appreciate it!
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Galaxy
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Posted: 03-14-08 12:57pm
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Not wishing to put a damper on things but
why would you find a man like your b/f
attractive in the first place, if he holds
views like that? Sorry but I can see
nothing positive coming from this. He's
already making you feel uncomfortable
about your friendship. And I would
definitely, definitely not get him drunk
at the party!
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poisonangel168
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Dec 2007
Posts: 32
Location: High Ridge, MO, USA
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Posted: 03-14-08 13:02pm
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I was only suggesting drinking a little,
just to help loosen him up...not getting
him drunk. Many people feel more at ease
socially when they have had a little to
drink.
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PenguinsRus
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Posted: 03-14-08 13:19pm
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Do you have any other gay friends? Maybe
you could introduce him to another gay
friend but don't tell him that hes gay
right away. After getting to know and
like your friend, you could break the news
to him and maybe it'll help him realize
gay guys are the same as straight guys
when it comes to friendships and nothing
is really all that different.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-14-08 13:23pm
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wrote: | | Not wishing to put a damper
on things but why would you find a man
like your b/f attractive in the first
place, if he holds views like that? Sorry
but I can see nothing positive coming from
this. He's already making you feel
uncomfortable about your friendship. And
I would definitely, definitely not get him
drunk at the party! |
Well I liked him before I
found this out.We hung out for about a
month before we got together. I understand
that people do not all have the same views
and he does not push his beliefs on me and
he isn't demeaning about it. He agreed to
come to the party and he never said he
wouldn't talk to him he just doesn't
believe in being gay. Thats how he was
brought up. He is a good person all around
besides that but nothing anyone could say
would ever make me change my views about
my friends. The whole uncomfortable thing,
he isn't mean it's just that vibe you get,
like you could cut the tension with a
knife. Maybe i'm just an understanding
person...I just know that peopl do change.
I have a work buddy who use to never talk
to ays or balck people (the way she was
brought up) now she is about 50 and she
still doesn't believe in it but she says
what they do is none of her business and
she can still be friends with him (my
friend). Maybe it's harder since he's a
guy?
Thanks for your input 
Penguins, that is a superb idea! But my
only other gay friend lives in Tallahassee
which is about 3 hours away and I haven't
seen him in years. You can also tell he's
gay so i'm not sure it would work 
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marvel
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Posted: 03-16-08 20:11pm
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I think the judgment is yours to make. I
think it's great that you're not letting
this new boyfriend interfere with your
frienships. Good for you!
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-17-08 09:13am
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Well I went to the party and my bf came
with me. He met my bff and actually shook
his hand. He was uncomfortable the entire
time we were there. he wasn't rude but he
was super quiet and looked p|ssed the
entire time. None of my gay friends liked
him at all and they want to find me a new
bf. We left and we talked. he is *so*
against being gay and I am so for it... He
said he doesn't know how I can condone to
it. I told him i don't care what he thinks
I love my friends and I will not stop
talking to them even if he asked(which he
didn't). I then added that we would no
longer talk about it and it wont be an
issue. I have my friends and he has his.
Why, everytime I find a guy,there has to
be something wrong with him? my last boy
toy was a little too friendly with my bff
and now this one is total opposite. It's
so unattractive.
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JYoungBear
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Posted: 03-17-08 11:12am
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If you are finding this unattractive, you
may be in for a wild ride.
I would seriously consider if he is even
the right one for you, even if he is
directly/indirectly insulting your
friends.
A couple should be able to talk openly
about things togther, including friends.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-17-08 11:57am
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I agree with what you said. I told him I
like talking to him about things i've done
with my friend because it's funny but he
doesn't care to hear about it. I really
didn't think this was going to bother me
as much because I thought I could maybe
ease him into feeling comfortable around
him after a while.he is a freakin person
for gods sake, who cares who he likes!
I already know if it comes to him or my
friends, my friends will be priority
because they have been there for me and
i've known them longer. Even then, why
would I stop being friends with someone
because someone else I know has a problem
with them? That would be terrible of me
and i'm not that type of person.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 03-17-08 11:59am
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Your friends are part of your life. You
should be able to bring your boyfriend
over and hang out peacably any time you
want to! I can imagine it creating some
rifts when you want to go hang with your
friends and your bf wants to go out and
have fun too.
You guys can't go to movies together, or
the fair, or amusement parks, or out for a
picnick, or have house parties/get
togethers, celebrate holidays, or
birthdays, or ANY of that stuff together
simply because your boyfriend is
homophobic!
I broke up with my fiancee for a reason
such as this. He is very anti-military and
has a completely different view of it than
I do. He even went so far as to say I was
"not smart enough" to join NASA in his
attempt to dissuade me from joining the
Air Force, and said he would not marry me
if I did join. That was a relationship
ender for me.
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Willa Weintraub
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Posted: 03-17-08 12:04pm
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Wow, are you serious? Thats totally bogus!
I'm going to see how it goes and see how
things end up. I know it's going to hit
him in the long run though because if we
ever do get far enough to get married ALLL
my gay friends *will* be invited. I also
said right in front of him to my friend
that when i got a place I was having a
house warming party. I'm not going to bed
over backwards to make someone happy when
it will make me miserable.
I'm surprised he even went to the party
when I told him multiple times that he
didn't have to go.
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homerx
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Posted: 03-17-08 18:45pm
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Being gay is not a "lifestyle". Thats is
like saying being straight is a
lifestyle...or being black is a
lifestyle...or being handicapped is a life
style. It just is. It isn't a choice like
being a cop or a nurse or a cowboy, those
may be considered lifestyles but not being
gay or bi or trans or lesbian..thats life,
not lifestyle, but I am playing semantics,
I know what you are saying and I say dump
the homophobic guy. He obviously has
issues..never dump a true friend for a
boyfriend who cant and wont accept your
wishes. Do whats best for you, not him.
And dumping loyal friends would be a
mistake. If I had a friend who dumped me
for a boy/girlfriend and when they broke
up wanted to be friends again I would tell
them to jump in a lake. Is the sex so
good that it is worth losing your true
friends?? 
Thats my 2 cents... 
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