What does your heart tell you to do?

Life is a precious thing. Adoption is always a option, but from a biological mother's view I would tell you that no man is worth not seeing that child grow up. Make your choice because it is what you want not because you think he will leave if you dont choose his way.

I agree with worried wife...... Do what you want to do and not what you think will keep him. Im not saying it will happen but whos to say that you put this baby up for adoption and he leave you anyway?? You will have the hurt of giving up your baby as well. I really hope im not offending because that is not what im trying to do at all. In saying all that, you can still get adoptions where you have contact with the child and are still in some small part involved in the babies life!

I do congratulate you for not wanting to have an abortion!! Whatever you decide, i wish you the best of luck!!

There are so many couples out there that are searching to complete thier own families. We are one of them. There is an open adoption concept that allows both parties to have the joys of the baby. The idea is that the child is raised (via adoption) and pictures and updates are sent yearly. Thus thus birth parents are happy and don''t feel as though the loss is a great.This is what we are trying to achieve with the birth parents that are willing to work with us.

Richard

"There are so many couples out there that are searching to complete thier own families. We are one of them."

And they have nothing to do with her situation or her pregnancy. If she decides on adoption it has to be of her own free will after she has all the facts both positive and negative...about adoption. No woman should place her baby for adoption to make someone else happy or complete.





"There is an open adoption concept that allows both parties to have the joys of the baby."

Open adoption is not co-parenting. One couple is raising the child and the other couple is loosing a child. Adoption is not sugar coated. It is raw and emotional. While there may be "joy"...there is also suffering involved in adoption as well.


"The idea is that the child is raised (via adoption) and pictures and updates are sent yearly. Thus thus birth parents are happy and don''t feel as though the loss is a great."

A picture once a year doesn't replace a life time with your child. It doesn't magically take away the pain of loosing your own child, it doesn't make you "happy", and it doesn't lessen the loss. The loss is still the same. The grief is still the same. A picture isn't just as good as kissing your child good night every night or reading to them or sending them off to college or teaching them how to drive. A picture is just a picture.

"There are so many couples out there that are searching to complete thier own families. We are one of them."

And they have nothing to do with her situation or her pregnancy. If she decides on adoption it has to be of her own free will after she has all the facts both positive and negative...about adoption. No woman should place her baby for adoption to make someone else happy or complete.





"There is an open adoption concept that allows both parties to have the joys of the baby."

Open adoption is not co-parenting. One couple is raising the child and the other couple is loosing a child. Adoption is not sugar coated. It is raw and emotional. While there may be "joy"...there is also suffering involved in adoption as well.


"The idea is that the child is raised (via adoption) and pictures and updates are sent yearly. Thus thus birth parents are happy and don''t feel as though the loss is a great."

A picture once a year doesn't replace a life time with your child. It doesn't magically take away the pain of loosing your own child, it doesn't make you "happy", and it doesn't lessen the loss. The loss is still the same. The grief is still the same. A picture isn't just as good as kissing your child good night every night or reading to them or sending them off to college or teaching them how to drive. A picture is just a picture.

iwas reading this post and i saw something curious in all of the replys posted...except mlynn.

no one cares what the guy has to say in all this.

kinda sad when all you hear is when your in a relationship your a team and supposed to deal with things TOGETHER. kinda seems like that doesnt apply here. if they already have 2 children together and her boyfriend doesnt want another one he should be apart of the decision too. (and for those who might think im defending men...im not...i just believe in EQUALITY when it comes to relationships or pretty much anything...im not sexist)

so back to the topic!

im not sure if he.ll leave you if you have the 3rd kid...even if he doesnt want it. but he wont be happy about it for the rest of his life. because hes being forced into something he doesnt want. adoption sounds ok...but theres thousands of kids already waiting for new families...so the child will just be another number..waiting...and waiting..for someone to come by and adopt them.

yes its your body, but you BOTH should make the choice together.

"was reading this post and i saw something curious in all of the replys posted...except mlynn."

That curious thing might show up in this post .

"no one cares what the guy has to say in all this."

The woman posted for help for HER situation. If the boyfriend had posted for help...he too would have received replies. The post was centered around the woman looking for help so the replied were centered around the woman looking for help. Obviously the OP DOES care deeply about what her Boyfriend thinks of her pregnancy and understands how the choice she will make about this pregnancy will effect him. If she DIDN'T care...then she wouldn't be putting so much thought into this decision...or be looking for help about how to make this decision in a way which will validate her boyfriend's feelings while at the same time allowing her to fallow the path that will cause her LEAST suffering.

"kinda sad when all you hear is when your in a relationship your a team and supposed to deal with things TOGETHER. kinda seems like that doesnt apply here."

She is taking his feelings into consideration and working as a team. If she didn't care about his opinion at all...she wouldn't be seeking a solution which validates it. And what about HIM. How is HE validating HER feelings. Telling someone you must abort your child or I will leave you...isn't very compassionate or considerate either. Where is the two way street there? He is literally saying to her "it's my way or the highway" while she is doing no such thing. Abortion is a HARD thing to go through even if it is necessary....it's even harder to go through when someone forces you to do it when you don't want to. Perhaps he can meet her half way, they can make a decision together, and then he can agree to sterilization(which is cheaper, less evasive, and easier to obtain for men then women) so THEY are never faced with such a heart breaking choice again.


"if they already have 2 children together and her boyfriend doesnt want another one he should be apart of the decision too. (and for those who might think im defending men...im not...i just believe in EQUALITY when it comes to relationships or pretty much anything...im not sexist)"

And he IS being a part of the decisions. A PART of the decisions. He doesn't get to MAKE the decision. She IS taking his feeling's into consideration. And equality in pregnancy is IMPOSSIBLE. There can be no such thing. Reproduction is not equal in any way shape or form. One party has less control (men) but the other party has more risk and responsibility (women). Giving men the ability to force women to abort or gestate WILL NOT make things "equal".


"im not sure if he.ll leave you if you have the 3rd kid...even if he doesnt want it."

He is free to leave or stay. He may change his mind after the baby is born and bond and stay. He may very well leave. I don't think the OP should base her decision on that alone. The abortion may very well be what ends the relationship. Most women who feel forced or coerced into abortion against there will carry a life time of grief and resentment....she may very well abort...and STILL have her relationship break up. Not only will she have to suffer the loss of a long term relationship then...but she may also suffer the loss of a fetus/child whom she WANTED and aborted to make him "happy".


"but he wont be happy about it for the rest of his life. because hes being forced into something he doesnt want."

And what about HER happiness. What about her being forced into something MUCH MORE emotionally devastating? And he may not be unhappy for the rest of his life. Many men freak out at the mere word "pregnancy" but later come to love and bond with their children and are glad of their existence. Fact is SOMEONE MUST have the "finial" say if the two people disagree about how to handle a unplanned pregnancy. It makes more sense for that final say to come from the person whose body IS pregnant then from the person whose body is NOT pregnant and who will undergo ZERO risks or responsibilities of pregnancy. If two people disagree then ONE needs to make a choice. There can't be "middle ground" in pregnancy. None exists.




"adoption sounds ok...but theres thousands of kids already waiting for new families...so the child will just be another number..waiting...and waiting..for someone to come by and adopt them."

Adoption isn't something you do to make your boyfriend happy. Adoption is something you do when a child is orphaned or when you for what ever reason decide that you are unable to parent that child. Either is the case with this situation. Women shouldn't be expected to sign away rights to thier own children just so their BF's don't have to pay child support.

"yes its your body, but you BOTH should make the choice together"

And she is trying to do that. But when two people disagree about one pregnancy the person whose body IS pregnant gets to make the finial decision. She can take his feelings into consideration until the cow's come home and try to work out a solution or compromise....but she shouldn't be expected to sacrifice what she thinks of as her child, she shouldn't be expected to sacrifice herself, her emotional, mental, and physical well being....or be forced to carry pain and unhappiness or mental illness because she aborted a WANTED pregnancy to make someone else "happy".

AMEN!!!!! I was thinking the same thoughts reading this. First of all, they aren't married. If he was so into family, he would make it official. It's not to "put it on paper" as most guys say that's all it is, it's a spiritual thing too. How does SHE feel about having this baby? If they didn't want to get pregnant again, than yea, he should have gotten fixed. SHe may have wanted more children in the future if this "relationship" didn't work out. My husband has 2 sons to his previous marriage. We have twins together and in 2005, had a son. He passed in 2006. My husband COMPROMISSED and got the vasectomy. Now, we both in a way regret it. I refuse to make him go through another surgery just so I can have MY 3rd. child. CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. WITHOUT THEM, WHAT WOULD WE REALLY HAVE IN LIFE????

If you want the baby then you have the baby! Who cares what he says! You wouldn't be pregnant if it wasn't meant to be! Maybe he will come around. I just don't know if you would always wonder about the baby you're pregnant with now. I would let nature take its place and see what happens with your boyfriend and with the baby.