Boyfriend is bisexual - is he gay too? Posted: 04-12-08 10:09am
I am 26 and my boyfriend of over four
years has recently told me that he is
attracted to men. At first, he confessed
that he has been looking at gay porn for
several years and he attracted to the idea
of gay sex. Though surprised, I was very
understanding. A couple weeks later, he
confessed to having sexual experiences
with a childhood friend. Starting from a
young age, he and his friend began by
kissing each other- pretending to kiss
girls. By the time they were 14 they were
masturbating together, experimenting with
oral sex, and then attempting to have sex
a few times. This all stopped when he was
16 and he has not had another sexual
experience with a man since.
I have continued to be very supportive. I
truly want him to be himself. He said
that he has been living with shame and
confusion for his entire life, but he says
that he is much happier now that he has
told me. We have been very much in love
and he says that he still wants to be with
me forever. The problem is that he wants
to have a sexual experience with a man.
While I want to be open and understanding
and I want for him to find out the extent
of his attraction to men, I know that I
would not be ok with him having sex with
anyone--a man or a woman.
I am very confused. If he is gay, I want
him to be able to find out. If he is
truly bisexual, I can be supportive if he
is committed to me, but an open
relationship where he can have sexual
experiences with men is not acceptable.
Since I have been so understanding, he now
feels comfortable telling me more about
his attractions to men, but the more he
does, the more uncomfortable I am with it.
Our relationship during all of this has
been a little rocky for reasons besides
this, and though he denies it, I am sure
that his reaction to my uncertainty is
partially to blame. He claims that he is
just a very sexual person and that he can
%u201Ccontrol%u201D his attraction to men
because he is much more attracted to
women. I don't know what to think. Any
thoughts?
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 935 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 8
Thanked:1
Posted: 04-12-08 10:43am
It's a very tricky situation.
There's a fine balance between being true
to yourself, and being true to the
relationship. I think you're very strong
for accepting his bisexuality, yet setting
boundaries as to how far he can go when it
comes to experimentation. Good for you!
To be perfectly frank, I think that your
relationship is going to have this
constant tension until he experiments. If
he has this yearning to experiment with
men now, it's going to continue throughout
your relationship. I'm not trying to imply
anything with your boyfriend, but many,
many men who are in heterosexual
relationships, but have a yearning to be
with men, end up cheating. As long as
you're honest with each other and keep the
lines of communication open, you'll end up
with less heartache in the end. There's a
chance that things might not work out...
and that's fine, as long as it's honest.
There's a chance he might realise how in
love he is with you, and that
experimenting with men isn't worth
jeopardizing your relationship, and that's
awesome too. Just make sure you both stay
honest with each other. He's confused and
needs that comfort in knowing he can be
honest with you... no matter what he's
feeling.
I hope this helps! My best to you. If you
ever want to PM me or anyone else... never
hesitate!!
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