My husband is 37 and was diagnosed as a
Manic Depressive/Bi-Polar in his early
twenties. I have been with him for 5 1/2
yrs total, 2 1/2 married. I am only 25
and his uncontrolled sickness has started
to make me think I'm crazy. This past
week, he walked in at 11:15pm and told me
he wasn't in love with me anymore and he
was in love with his best friend, Kristy.
Here is my problem, I can understand if he
really was in love with her, but he is
constantly crying all the time and
apologizing to me. His friend Kristy just
recently started hanging out with us (me
inviting her each time) and I can't figure
it out. I'm not a person to have false
hope. I know that it could really be that
he doesn't love me, but it just doesn't
make any sense, which leads me to believe
it is his BPD. He talked with me today
and told me that he was confused and
didn't really know what he wanted. He
also went on some trip about how he wasn't
good enough to do what he needs to do in
life and that he feels like he deserves a
rockstar lifestyle. Please help. Are any
of these part of his condition?
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geekylotus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jun 2006 Posts: 21
Posted: 09-10-08 16:41pm
As I said in another post, I'm just a guy
who has bipolar II, so my advice has to be
taken for what it is worth. I've never
been trained in psychology.
A few things jump out at me.
1. A rockstar lifestyle? Illusions of
grandeur are a classic bipolar mania
symptom.
2. Infidelity can happen to anyone, but
it happens *a lot* to bipolars. I've been
down this road. I forgot what I saw in my
wife and I'm glad she's back with me. I
am sure he believes his own words, though,
so you are in a tough spot right now.
I am guessing that you aren't crazy. I am
guessing that when he comes out of this,
he is going to regret what he is doing.
Some of his crying is shame at hurting
you, but again... I've been there. When I
finally pushed my wife to divorce me, I
was ice cold. No crying. The day she
moved out, I cried in private. When I
started to swing out of the mania for a
while, I realized what I had done and I
started to reach out to her as a confidant
again. In very short order, I knew the
mistakes I had made.
My story isn't your story, but I think
there is fair evidence.
-T-
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antigone
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 1011 Location: IL
Thanks: 50
Thanked:18
Posted: 09-14-08 01:46am
Listen to geekylotus. He has some sage
words of wisdom.
I think your husband needs to consult with
his psychiatrist. He does not sound stable
at this time. A medication change may be
in order. Crying and apologizing sound
like he may be depressed. Some of his
other behaviors sound like mania.
Encourage him to see his doctor. Write
down all the behaviors and shift in mood
that you have witnessed. It is helpful for
the doctor to hear this as it gives the
doctor a better picture of what is going
on with your husband.
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vidente
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Sep 2008 Posts: 5
Thanks: 0
Thanked:2
Find a good friend Posted: 09-14-08 16:43pm
I am going through something similar with
my wife who is bipolar. It's amazing to me
how similar some of the language and
behaviors are and I completely understand
how you begin to think you're crazy. My
wife during one of her "up until 5AM"
periods started an internet affair and
informed me she loved someone else. She
saw herself on stage performing to
thousands of cheering fans with this new
person. Like you I then get ""Sorry I love
you" followed the next day by "you revolt
me"
Yes you start not to know which end is up.
Kristy is not a friend to either of you.
She also won't know what hits her if you
swap roles. Find a friend who will keep
you centered and who won't blame your
husband. He is not trying to hurt you (
although if you're like me you're feeling
like your heart is being ripped out). He
is not well. I hope that he is seeking
help. My wife is sure there is nothing
wrong with her. When she finally crashes
she will go back on the meds but there is
always a lot of damage in between.
A friend will respect that you love your
husband and that he is not well but will
also let you know when to take care of
yourself and not get too hurt.
