I have been in a relationship for over 5
years with a man who is bi-polar. When we
got together, he was great, in the sense
that he fulfilled a need to be needed.
My first mistake was jumping into a
relation after a 15 year marriage ended,
but I did.
He's medicated, but usually after a few
months, it starts to slack off. He works,
but doesnt make enough to support himself
(basically his paycheck goes to child
support and gas to get there) I pay all
the bills, take care of everything and all
the while I feel like I am walking on
eggshells as not to "upset" him.
He stays up too late, then can't wake up
in the morning, so he skips work. He
sleeps all weekend. He likes to spend too
much money, although he doesnt have any,
he smokes marijuana (I don't). He has no
goals, no aspirations, and we are just
moving in different directions.
Dilemma: Whenever I discuss ending the
relationship, he cries, tells me he wants
to be together forever, he loves me, can't
live without me and the sad thing is, I
believe this. All of his friends and
family have turned their backs on him and
I feel I am the only thing he has. So,
basically he guilts me into staying.
He says he'll do better and "do the right
thing" but never does....for more than a
day or two.
I feel selfish, like I should try harder
to make it work, but no matter what I do,
I can't feel that way about him anymore.
We have no love, no passion (his meds have
taken good care of killing his libido), we
can sit for hours in the room together and
never speak.
He's not a nice person, he's not friendly
to people, and I am a very outgoing person
and I always feel like I have to stifle
myself when I am with him as not to "set
him off".
I am in debt because I am supporting us
both (his child support takes 60% of his
income because he's over $50K in debt to
his x). My children are almost grown up
and out of the house, and I feel like my
taking care of children days are behind me
and this is no longer satisfying, but the
only way I can explain it is, I feel like
I took on this "responsibility" and I have
to see it through to the end no matter
what the cost (my sanity)
....and with all this, I still can't bring
myself to ask him to leave. It's my
house, my vehicle, my money, and the idea
of leaving him with nothing kills me.
Stuck in a rut....looking for advise from
someone who's been in a similar situation.