Hello, I hope someone can help me as I do
not know where to turn. I am just over two
months pregnant to a loving partner. It
was unplanned and initially we decided to
go with it and told everyone. We were OS
at the time. We are back home now and I
have really really bad depression. I have
suffered on and off depression and anxiety
for about four years - I am really
terrified about being pregnant. I have
always had jealousy issues with my partner
(unprompted by him just stupid caca in my
head, seriously - I know this but can't
seem to control what I say to him very
well) since being pregnant I have lashed
out at him, my self esteem has been really
bad and have been convinced that he is
going to leave me and telling him that
over and over... I had suicidal thoughts
the other day, I would not actually do the
deed, but I thought them - and I realise
to even be thinking of such doom is not
good. I did the best thing and told the BF
this and we went to a counsellor and
mental health assessment and GP - bf is
really supportive and loving to me. We do
not have jobs or anywhere to live (as we
were meant to be living and working OS but
came back apruptly) I am terrified about
stupid things like getting fat but also do
not feel ready to be pregnant and nothing
about it excites me. I have had abortion
before and do not know how I would cope
psychologically with another one, but by
the same token do not think I would cope
psychologically with pregnancy. What do I
do? I am scared and alone and sometimes
feel like i am in hell with this horrible
decision. I know pregnancy is meant to be
beautiful miracle but it feels horrible to
me.
