deppressed and don't know why Posted: 04-30-08 00:17am
*waves*
Hello again.. I've been on this website
once or twice before for the same exact
reason, but i don't know where else i can
go to talk about stuff. I have a problem
with anxiety, apathy and deppression and i
just needed someone to talk to.
I know, i'm lame. I don't know what my
problem is though, but i just can't seem
to get my act together. It's only
recently that its even become a problem at
all.. before the last quarter in school i
never failed any classes, and im in mostly
honors classes, so its not like im a
complete fool. heck, ive had perfect
attendance ever since 5th grade, and im in
11th grade now. BUT.. Last quarter i got
a 45 F, two D's, and a handful of low C's.
I just can't work in school any more. I
know it's a problem, and i tell myself i
will do something about it but i never
do.. in fact its only gotten worse. I've
slept in math class for the last two days
straight and i have a 39% right now.
The worst part about it is that It doesnt
even bother me enough for me to do
anything about it. I've smoked pot now
for at least a year, but recently ive been
smoking cigarettes and snorting pain
killers. A couple days ago my mom found
out that I smoke weed and i told her that
it wouldnt happen again.. but that didnt
end up working. I just can't stand living
without some form of happiness anymore,
even if that happiness is artificial and
it leaves me feeling even worse then i did
before. When im not high i never feel
like doing anything besides sleeping.
sleeping is the one thing that i still
enjoy in life, because for those few short
hours you don't have to bother with living
life... sleeping, drugs, and music are
just about the only things that i still
enjoy
I don't even know anymore. I don't see
any point in quitting, because without the
drugs i would have nothing to live for. I
don't have any plans for the future, and
even if i did at this point i probably
wouldn't be able to follow them. It sucks
because i feel like im throwing away my
life, but I just don't care enough to do
anything about it. I feel trapped in the
tedium of every day life, and powerless to
do anything about it.
It's 1 AM and i should probably go to
sleep, but that would mean that i have to
wake up at 6 and go to school. I sleep in
school, not because im tired, but just
because i don't want to be there. all the
negativity is really beginning to take its
toll on my life, and im tired of feeling
like caca..
If anyone wants to chat, feel free to PM
me. talking about this sort of thing
seems to help, but its hard to do that
when you have no one to talk to... hence
the post on an online forum... even this
much is extremely difficult for me. I am
one of those people that never asks for
help. doesnt matter whether i need it or
not, i just don't bother people with my
problems.
well i think that about wraps things up..
any suggestions?
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 64
Thanked:28
online
Posted: 05-02-08 13:56pm
Oh Honey, you need to get someone to help
you! I understand that you don't want to
bother anyone, but lack of caring and lack
of caring about yourself is part of the
disease! You sound like a serious case of
depression, and if you get help, you could
feel better! You could feel like yourself
again, and enjoy life. Please talk to
someone! You probably have a school
counselor or psychologist that you could
talk to, if you don't feel comfortable
going to your parents.
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