I've never gotten the diagnosis of
Depression, and I'm not even sure if I am
depressed or if I'm just... I don't even
know.
Since I moved from where I grew up, I've
had problems starting relationships with
others, it's like a code i can't crack. I
feel like I don't know how to start a
conversation, or keep it going, unless I
already know the person well. So I tend to
end up as the lonesome wolf at school.
Thats not really so bad in itself, but
it's a bit frightening to realize at the
end of a school year that it took me a
year to get to know people as much as most
others did by the end of the first month,
For the last three years I feel like I've
been getting steadily "colder", like my
emphatic skills are starting to fade away.
- It not that I don't care about people,
there are many in my life I know I'd die
for... - it's just that I don't have that
feeling of love, or of being close to
people that I used to. I only have one
close friend where I live. I'm used to
being alone, and I don't know how to break
the cycle. Among the friends I have, I'm
often the one that has to start
activities, so I feel like I want to be
with others, but they don't care If I'm
there or not.
I am about to start my second year in a
three years study to be a nurse, but I
barely finished my first year beacuse I
failed one exam and almost my practice. I
feel like a failure. My parents want me to
continue on to my second year, they think
it's just because I got bored during my
first year (as it is kinda "slow", but I'm
not so sure if thats the only reason.. I
probably will continue, but I feel no
excitement over it.. I'll probably do it
just to do it... I'm 23 and can't just
start over and over at all kinds of
educations for the rest of my life.
I spend hours trying to go to sleep at
night because I lie worrying about
"everything and nothing".
It's life I don't care anymore, and I
don't know where to start to sort out my
life.
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harmony1
Supporter
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 375 Location: , Australia
Thanks: 27
Thanked:13
Posted: 07-17-08 06:42am
You're not alone there. I feel a lot like
you do. I can't seem to make new
friendships anymore and it gets kinda
lonely. I don't know in high school it was
just so much easier. I have my boyfriend.
I have a family but i don't see them as
much as I should. I just try not to let it
bother me too much you know. Think
positive. Maybe it could be depression. I
think i have a mild case of it or maybe
I'm in denial and it may be stronger. i
just choose not to take mds and to just
SLOWLY make some life changes that may
improve my mood. I find for me that meds
make it worse because i put on too much
weight and then i really get depressed.
As for the friends part i think it may be
lack of confience or social skills. Maybe
you're afraid of being rejected. i know I
am, or of being humiliated.
Anyhow it's the fear that stops you from
making the friendships. You have to try
and fight it.
Harmony xo
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twilight_mist
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 40 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-18-08 11:16am
Thanks Hope you can
overcome your fear
I think it's more lack of social skills
than actual fear with me I just don't
understand what it is people do to start
making friends with others. Especially at
places where there are many people at
once.
I want to start training parkour to see if
it can raise my self esteem a bit, but I
usually don't finish what I start, and it
really isn't in my league as I have
neither balance, power or endurance :p
(That's kinda what I'm hoping to gain, if
I can force myself not to stop trying.
I've always hated sports of most kinds...)
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CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 07-18-08 11:45am
Just wait untill your finished with
nursing school. You will feel that you
have achieved one of the most
compassionate fields to go into. You must
have some empathy or you would not have
choosen nursing for you future. It takes
one who cares for others in this field.
Now, go for it! It's a whole different
picture when you get out there in the
workplace. Then and only then will you
find that empathy you thought you have
lost, was there all the time.
Hope you can
overcome your fear
I just don't
understand what it is people do to start
making friends with others. Especially at
places where there are many people at
once.
