feeling like he might cheat Posted: 06-12-08 11:35am
Not married yet but I've been engaged to
my b/f for hmm 3 years now together 8
total. He has BP, PTSD and OCD. I didn't
know about any of these things until a
couple of years ago. now that I know
about then I can look back and our
previous years together make sense.
Every story I have read here today I can
empathize with there's part of my own
story in everyone else. I have the hardest
time with the honesty issue. I find him
obviously cheating at games and wonder
why? If I call him out on it he gets
angry. I have for about the last year
have had this under lying uneasiness about
something. As far as I know he has never
cheated on me, but i feel like I'm waiting
for him to drop a bomb on me. What I see
mostly in the forums is that their s/o has
cheated on them. Are their any couples on
this forum who haven't had this problem?
What do I do about these nagging feelings
I know he's not going to answer them
honestly. I'm just frustrated to say the
least.
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antigone
CarolDiane
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Posted: 06-12-08 11:59am
Trust him. Unless he has given you a rock
solid reason, give him his space. That is
one thing about bipolar you must learn. We
need our space sometime and it is nothing
personal about it.
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antigone
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 899 Location: IL
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Posted: 06-12-08 20:09pm
I agree completely. Many people that have
various mental disorders report needing
space. This causes contention in the
relationship for many people with a
disorder.
Not everyone who has bipolar disorder
cheats. If you read the messages, many of
the people that did go off and cheat where
not medicated or needed to see their
doctor for a medication review. It is at
moments when the person is not stable that
impulsive behavior can become a problem.
If your b/f is taking his medication and
is not showing any signs of instability
then relax. Have faith in him and your
relationship with him.
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Lesley102
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jul 2008 Posts: 3
oh my - am I crazy or is he cheating! Posted: 07-07-08 04:43am
Recently diagnosed he has been on Lithium
and dosage keeps increasing for 4 months.
For the past 2 months he has been on the
computer up to 16 hours in a day. I have
seen the sites he clicks off of when I
come into the room.
I went to several and found him profiled
along with other men looking for no
strings attached relationship. For sex.
He claims to have cancelled them. He is
furious when I find more of them claiming
that although he cancelled they don't
always come off for up to 3 months.
He swears he isn't talking to these women
or going to meet them. But I've seen he
has a Yahoo mail and he refuses to admit
he does. Now his computer is password
protected.
He won't talk about it. He yells throws
things, etc. He goes to places he knows I
won't attend just to get away from me and
always smelling good. He is avoiding me,
likely because we argue so much.
He has been out of work for 4 months and
just left to go to work out of country for
a month then home and then to work for
another month. It is the job of a
lifetyme. Good money and benefits. The
doc said that the stress has caused an
"episode" and he has been on a high for
weeks. I am hoping that being away will
help him get it under control. She put
him on a traquillizer for the next month
to see if the high can be reduced.
I am in agony. I have found that he
doesn't go to the places he says he is
going. I called two numbers he dialed on
the phone just before he went out the
other day. I phoned them, both women.
ONe said they chatted and that was all. I
asked her to stay away and she agreed.
The other well would admit nothing other
then the fact that he'd just left. when
he got home and went on his computer he
came out all upset saying that a male
friend called irate because I'd called his
mother and girlfriend making threats about
cheating with my husband. So now I really
feel crazy............. I wanted to call
my husbands friend and apologize and he
told me no and broke a window in the
house.
I've been with him for 17yrs of mostly
hell. Due to his spending habits and drug
use, we lost homes and often went without
even food. He was injured at work in 1998
and for 6 years of surgery and
recouperation I was his nurse caregiver
and held down a full time job. Finally
the bi polar diagnosis and I thought it
would all be ok now. No drugs no crazy
spending.
The only thing that hasn't changed is that
he loves me. It is very sincere, but why
oh why would he be doing this advertising
for sex. He puts on there that I am
boring, and he is sex starved! How
insulting. He is the one who is so
comfortable with me, and has back pain.
He is the one who makes it boring. Not
me.
Any advice please. I am so sad. After
all these years of struggling to care for
him, home, finances, and working to pay
his debts and for his drug habit. Finally
now he has a job and can take care of me.
I don't want to leave this marriage,
finally I should be able to relax a
little.
Please talk to me, I am desperate for
support from somewhere.
Thank You!
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rock_digger
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2008 Posts: 34 Location: , USA
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Here is the skivvy Posted: 07-07-08 05:19am
Here is the skivvy on cheating in a
relationship. Bipolar or not, if a person
is or wants to cheat on the other, its
going to happen. I am here to say I have
never cheated and I have had plenty of
offers over they years to do so. To me its
the most sacred part of a relationship,
that being trust. It seems that a lot of
people these days don't really understand
what a commitment really is with a divorce
rate of better than 50%.
It's not the act of cheating because any
rabbit can hump, its the trust issues that
have now been destroyed and I hate when
someone uses the illness as an excuse as
to why it happened. Everything from being
manic to hyper sexuality has been used,
and why not...the other partner allowed it
to be overlooked as an excuse. I can also
tell you that in these cases, this person
will keep doing it over and over using the
same excuse.
For you my dear...I would not move into
the realm of marriage until the trust
issues on your end are a bit more secure.
Everyone has doubts and usually gets the
case of cold feet as the date gets closer.
My suggestion is to have a sit down and
discuss it with him and not in a
accusatory way, but that for right now you
are having issues with it.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
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Posted: 07-07-08 07:33am
There is a drop box to the right hand side
of each search engine that he uses. If you
click on the drop box, you may be able to
confrim you sespission. Do this only if
you are ready to face reality that this
could be true. Instent Messaging is the
only thing that will not so up. But porn
sites etc and other frequantly visited
site well.
Do this only if you are ready to face
whatever is below that drop box.
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Lesley102
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jul 2008 Posts: 3
Thanks for the reply Posted: 07-07-08 13:32pm
I am absolutely ready because I really am
90% certain.
Does anyone know if bipolar and mid life
are in related in some way to this type of
behavior?
My husband although having a lot of
related bipolar traits (we ddn't know what
it was til recently diagnosed) has never
been the type to be unfaithful.
LOL I am so desperate to know the truth
that I have gone to the sites I found him
on a joined several under a bogus name.
Contacted him with that name and thus far
I am waiting to see if he contacts me.
Thank You again
Question again............. Could it be
related to bipolar?
