Teen Pregnancy Forum - 18 first time pregnant


18 first time pregnant

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loadedgun446

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18 first time pregnant Posted: 03-16-08 23:04pm


I'm 18 and have just found out that I'm pregnant. I have told my mom and explained to her that I cannot have this baby because I'm not graduated yet, I will be in June, and that financially I don't think that I'm ready. Though I will have a job this summer guaranteed. The father is supportive in whatever choice I make though he is hoping that I get an abortion because he wants to be able to give the baby everything we can when we are ready for a baby. I know that I should get an abortion because it's only fair to the baby and us as the parents because I know there would be no way I would be able to give the baby up for adoption after having it. I would be torn in birthing a baby and giving it to someone else. I am having second thoughts about aborting the baby and want to try everything to make this work but am scared because everyone thinks that aborting it is the best choice. I'm so very lost and confused and I don't know what to do. Please, help and support is what I'm looking for...

rainstorm

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Posted: 03-16-08 23:35pm


I am afraid this is one decision that only you can make. Personally, I would rather just have a child when I was better able to provide a good life for it.

benc152

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Posted: 03-17-08 00:54am


I'd like to put an emphisis on the fact that you have another option and that's adoption. I'm quite against abortion but I agree you're not ready for a baby and it wouldn't be fair on the baby if you're not. My son was adopted by my mother. It has worked relatively well. But yeah I'm clearly bias. This is a choice for you and your boyfriend to make, not for anybody else.

Altari

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Posted: 03-17-08 00:56am


Like rainstorm said, this is a decision only you can make. Unfortunately, it's impossible to know exactly how you'll feel about something until you've done it. It sounds like you can't fathom the idea of aborting or adoption, though. If that is the case, you may have to accept the fact that you'll be a mom. If you can't accept any of the options, you'll have to accept the one that will be easiest for you to live with. Having a baby isn't the end of the world, as nearly all the moms on here can tell you. On the same note, having a baby also isn't something you should just say "OK, fine" to. You have to think about what is best for you, and what's best for the baby if you choose not to abort, and stop considering what other people "want" or "think". In the end, you're the one who will go through everything physically and emotionally.

jessamyn

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Posted: 03-17-08 10:09am


First off thanks ladies for keeping a level mind at this post! Abortion is not for everyone, and adoption is not for everyone. However you truly need to sit down with everyone in the circle, ie. your boyfriend and your mother and discuss your options. the pros of abortion, adoption, and keeping the child. You need to be honest with yourself and what you truly want. Just know that if you are considering an abortion the sooner the better. Good luck in your decision!

Reptar

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Posted: 03-17-08 12:12pm


I already PM'd you, but I agree with rainstorm in having a child when you are good and ready. That means you still have two other options which are both good ones. You'll probably want to do a lot of research before you make any decisions.

michellep2

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Posted: 03-25-08 09:34am


i know abortion is totaly WRONG. it's the worst form of child abuse!!! Theres adoption, why kill the baby when you can give it a life and that lucky family will love and adore that child. if your worried about your body, well i say you have to lay in the bed you made.

Ingi

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Posted: 03-25-08 10:53am


Michelle, this isn't a debate on abortion. This was a discussion. If you would like to debate abortion, you can go to the abortion debate forum. Thanks.

cherry88

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Posted: 03-25-08 12:37pm


loadedgun446, i think you should really think about what you want to do. my best advice is dont let anyone else make up your mind for you, your vulnerable at the moment. I know your probibaly scared out of your mind but at the end of the day you wouldnt be the first pregnant teen nor the last. there have been alot of other girls in your position or alot worse and keeping the baby still worked out for them. if i were you go and speak to someone professional who is open-minded cause if you talk to people for or against abortion you tend to find they are very one sided. im talkin from experience i have had an abortion and the woman i spoke to at the abortion clinic made me feel as if i wasnt ''allowed'' to keep the baby without the father's concent. me being vurnerable, i took her advice. then later learned most of what she was saying was complete rubbish. im not telling you to get rid of it or keep it just make sure you really think about it cause it will stay with you forever. and remember your not alone.

DeseRAE

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I'm in the same boat.. Posted: 03-25-08 15:11pm


I'm in a situation very similar to yours. I'm 17, but would be 18 [barely] by the due date. It's so hard to try and figure out what's right for you. I have an appointment at an abortion clinic Friday but I feel like I I'm just being shoved into it by my mom and aunt. Worse, I think my mom only wants me to get one because if I had it it would make it hard for her to move 1,200 miles away to Las Vegas like she planned. I mean, I know she'll support me and she wouldn't leave me here without insurance and her support, but I really feel that she's pushing me to abortion for her own reasons. It's just tough because I don't want to let her down, but I THINK I might want to keep it... In any case, I wish you the best and hope you make a decision that really works for you.

cherry88

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Re: I'm in the same boat..
Posted: 03-25-08 15:40pm

DeseRAE wrote:

but I THINK I might want to keep it... Sad

deserae, if you want to keep your baby then keep it. remember it is your baby and no-one else can make that decision for you because at the end of the day its your body and your mind and your the one whos going to be mentally and physically effected by it. if you keep it your family would get used to it sooner or later. and like i said before your not the first teen pregnant and you wont be the last. go with your gut instinct. dont listen to anyone else, its your life you live it. surf the net, have a good think. or talk to a close trustworthy friend. good luck Very
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Ingi

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Posted: 03-25-08 15:41pm


Good luck to you too, Deserae. It is a difficult decision. Base it on yourself, not on your family.

STB7542

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Posted: 03-25-08 17:21pm


It is a tough situation to be in at such a young age, and agree that no one knows what's best for you except you. However, having a child is hard, but having a child will be hard no matter if you have it at 18 or 28, it will always be scary and let me tell you that if you wait till your financially ready to have a baby, it will never happen unless you win the lotto. However I know what your saying in being able to give the baby a good home. But Ingi is right you need to base your decision on no ones opinion but your own, and know that whatever decision you make make it with your heart and you'll know it will be the right one.

goche21

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Posted: 03-26-08 10:14am


The best thing you can do is give that baby a chance to live and be happy. There are hundreds of couples out there praying for a baby to love ((mine being one of them)) you can do an open adoption, arrange it so that you can visit your child from time to time.

Ingi

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Posted: 03-26-08 10:21am


Goche, that is great that you got to make the choice that was best in your situation.

benc152

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Re: I'm in the same boat..
Posted: 03-26-08 21:10pm

cherry88 wrote:

remember it is your baby and no-one else can make that decision for you because at the end of the day its your body and your mind and your the one whos going to be mentally and physically effected by it.

That's untrue. The father will be effected by it mentally as well. Yes it's your body but only for 9 months. It'll effect you and the father mentally for the rest of your lives no matter what the final decision. Therefore let him have a say. It's not fair to block someone out of that, it's his life too.

rainstorm

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Posted: 03-27-08 17:52pm

STB7542 wrote:

It is a tough situation to be in at such a young age, and agree that no one knows what's best for you except you. However, having a child is hard, but having a child will be hard no matter if you have it at 18 or 28, it will always be scary and let me tell you that if you wait till your financially ready to have a baby, it will never happen unless you win the lotto. .

This isn't true, lots of parents are financially ready when they have kids. My parents were, and all of my friends' parents were, too. It wasn't scary, either.

krystineM

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Posted: 03-27-08 20:07pm


i dont think thats the case here being becase shes a teen and thinking of abortion or knows she is going to do it.

falafal4ever81

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Posted: 04-04-08 13:13pm


i think one thing you have to keep in mind is that this decision will follow you for the rest of your life, you can not erase or forget about the baby by aborting it. if you are unsure then you need to take more time to consider the pros and cons. most adoptions now are very open and if you make a good arrangement you can still see the baby on a regular basis as it grows up. when i finally get a placement for an adoption i fully intend on having the birth mother refered to as the 'tummy mommy' if she is ok with that. you wouldnt be severing ties forever, you get to pick the parents so if that means finding people who are like minded and open to a relationship with you it wouldnt be quite as hard. best of luck for what ever you choose.

jenn_smithson

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Posted: 04-05-08 01:07am


I know this is a difficult place to be in and a hard decision to make. There's a workbook online that you can print out and work through either alone or with your partner. It usually helps to spell everything out on paper, to see it in front of you. The workbook is at: www.pregnancyoptions.info< /a> . (http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pregnant .htm) No matter what you decide, just take your time and be very certain that it is what you want. No one wants you to regret your decision and there are Women who regret having an abortion, giving up a child for adoption, AND there are some people who regret having children unfortunately. If you are certain that your decision is the best one that could be made, you're less likely to regret it. And also remember that there are people who support your decision no matter what it is. Best of luck. Peace, Jenn