My fiance and I have been together for
about 4 years. I moved in with him about 2
years ago and we have been engaged for 4
months.
For the first 2 years our sex life was
great and included foreplay and making
out. Then after moving in with him I
noticed that foreplay started being less
frequent and so did make-out sessions. I
find myself begging him for sex and when I
get it it's so selfish. There is NO
foreplay or even making out to get me
heated up. He just puts a condom on, has
sex with me and is done after he orgasms.
NEVER asking me if I've orgasmed or if I'm
even satisfied. I don't remember the last
time we had foreplay or the last time he's
made me orgasm. I give him oral but it is
not given back. I get nothing at all.
I now find myself masterbating when he
goes to sleep or when he goes to work to
satisfy myself. I've tried SO many times
to talk to him about it (pleasantly) but
NOTHING changes and he doesn't even say
anything. He gets this attitude as if I'm
hurting his feelings and I'm the one doing
something wrong and he sits there quiet
and will be like, "What do you want me to
say?" I asked him, "Should I just accept
that nothing will change?" and his answer
was, "I don't know."
I can't handle this anymore. I'm SO
frustrated with him and feel helpless.
He's the most amazing person I've ever
known and treats me incredibly well. The
only issue we have is in the bedroom and
I'm not sure how that changed. He won't
even try new things, it's hopeless. Is it
the fact that I moved in with him that's
made him change? I ask him why there is no
more foreplay and he doesn't have an
answer, just, "I don't know."
It's made me so insecure with myself cuz I
feel as if he's no longer visually
attracted to me. I tell him this and he
keeps assuring me that it isn't me but
won't say why things have changed.
I don't know what to do...
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mohinish
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 11 Location: delhi , india
hi mm Posted: 04-12-08 09:08am
so far i can get you, i think there is
something with your partner. i think there
is some issue with him coz usually male
are prurient. from your discription it
seems you have talked to him. may be he
has office pressures. but i think both of
you should do something about it soon,
meeting some consellor is best. otherwise
i don't see much future in relationship.
it may happen that he may not find you
attractive, and he'll never tell you this.
i read somewhere 7 yr itch is getting
shorter. anyway fact is both of you need
to put in effort for relationship to
survive. i hope this helps you.
but i think before taking any step you
should put every effort to win his heart.
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mm-82
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 22
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 04-12-08 09:19am
Thanks for your reply!
I know I have his heart, if I didn't I
don't think he would have proposed
We have the BEST relationship in the
world!! Like I said, our only issue is in
the bedroom. Otherwise we are extremely
thankful for our relationship and having
each other in our lives and tell each
other this frequently. I really can't put
into words how wonderful our relationship
is and how he treats me.
I think you may be right about office
pressures. Things at his work are very
stressful right now. He won't be changing
jobs anytime soon so I'm not sure how to
fix things in the bedroom. I've thought of
counselling but there's no way he'd do
that.
He said sex doesn't matter much to him in
a relationship and all he needs is my love
and to love me. He's absolutely perfect
for me in everyway except in bed at the
moment. We had no issues before so I'm
thinking it's work related. Am I the one
being selfish?
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run4life10
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Sep 2007 Posts: 110 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-12-08 10:16am
You're not being selfish at all. There is
absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to
be satisfied in the bedroom. It seems like
you guys have a great relationship, but if
your needs aren't being met then that is a
problem. But if he still seems into you in
all other aspects, then i agree that his
loss of interest in sex is probably
something on his end. maybe you could try
approaching him differently by focusing on
his needs instead of yours. tell him that
you are concerned about him and see if he
will talk to you about whatever is going
on in his life. it may help him knowing
that he has your love and understanding,
without feeling like you're pressuring
him. it sounds like he's getting defensive
and he may feel attacked when you base the
conversation on how your needs aren't
being met. if you can get him to talk
about whatever is bothering him it may
help him to feel more comfortable and help
him want to focus on your needs. hope this
helps, good luck
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mohinish
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 11 Location: delhi , india
Posted: 04-13-08 03:26am
i think there is nothing wrong about your
desires. i think may be something is
destroying his libido. but if your
relationship is so great then why don't
you try something to increase his libido
(ladies do try these things). you should
try to bring back that colour in your
sex-life. i think sex may be getting
ritual for him and bringing variation,
trying newer things will certainly help
both of you. i think this will certainly
help you.
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mm-82
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 22
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 04-14-08 04:58am
Hey everyone, thanks for ur replies!
I have always told my man that he can do
"anything and everything" with me since
the day we started sleeping with each
other. He just hasn't wanted to do or try
anything new or different lately, and he
blames it on his work, which is completely
understandable. His job demands a lot from
him, especially this past year.
We had a great talk and he now sees my
point of view and admitted and apologized
for being selfish in bed. He said our
relationship is amazing and we are
incredibly happy together and that he
wants me to be happy in every aspect so he
is going to stop being selfish.
Things have already improved
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mohinish
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 11 Location: delhi , india
