Helpless with my bipolar wife

Another empty day.....

I feel like my life has become a nightmare and I don't know anymore what is right or wrong....Am I a sleep, or not...?
My wife has been together for 3 years now. We had a very unstable relationship from the get go and the marriage is a roller coaster...(the biggest one you can imagine), full of fights, verbal put downs etc...In the beginning I was wondering if something is wrong with me...but after some times, our was questioning myself....my mistake: I started fighting back and hurting back (verbally). Way back, I did not know much about mental disorders and could not understand this constant mood changes.
My wife (originally from Indiana) has 2 kids from her previous marriage. About 8 month agon we moved this kids out to California by tricking her Ex husband into a contract giving her primary custody. I have to be honest, he did not know what he signed. He moved out here too, just to be close to the kids and to pursue his own thing...To my surprise his mom followed him. It seemed art that his mom moved in with him. He is 30 years old and does't seem to get his life together...well, thats a different issue.
My wife constantly bashed her ex and his (in her opinion , obsessive) mother...To me, he seemed to be a humble guy, maybe a little slow but ok. According to my wife his mom always seemed to be the problem in the picture and the evil enemy.
A couple of month a go, my wife started to get more physical with me during our arguments. MAYBE I shouldn't have argued back, but her words were so hurtful at times. She compared me sexually with her ex, tells me I am no good.....terrible husband....well, stupid I am I called her names too....just to show here how it hurts. did it help? NO...
I have been the major supporter in her and in her kids life. I have notice that she was constantly stressed out, very unpatient with the kids and snappy with me.
During the last 3 years we have seen many counselors and therapists to find some peace in guidance in our marriage and life. Some worked using age regression, others did bio feedback and a couple of month ago she got on medication from a psychiatrist who dedected a bioplar problem. Our Biofeedback therapise diagnosed her ADHD...so everybody had a different intake.
Even having our counselor around and the medication, the constant mood swings, irritability and arguing did not stop. I admit, on some days I had patients to take her pressure, on others not as I feld scared and defended myself ( sometimes with very angry words too ). It felt it was a constant, treatening / power battle. She threatened to leave, I threatened to cut off my financial support. Everybody used some kind of weapon...Of course she used my threat to put me down "how dear can he do that, threaten to cut me off from support", "you are suppose to be my husband"...so I looked stupid. This was just a defense mechanism against her attacks.

Her family got more aware of our problems and started to take sides for her.
The same happened 4 month ago..After a heavy fight, she slammed doors and went into the bathroom and I got to bad (as I need to get up early). That was the same time, she started taking new meds.
Suddenlly she pulled back the blanket and stood in front of me with a butcher knife...He had this evil look in her eyes and screamed at me with hate, "YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME AND MY KIDS.." and start stapping the pillows around me...I got scared and tried to calm her...jumped out of bad and called the cops. To my disbelieve they did not arrest her. She was emotionally drained when they arrived and hid herself scared in the bedroom. They did not take actions and left eventually.
During the next couple of month she worked with this lady (using Neurfeedback) etc. She diagnosed her to be hyopglycemic and ADHD. Wow... My wife seemed to like this diagnose better.
She still had her moods swings. I noticed had some times when she felt better and than worse again. (you can only imagine all this treatments cost big $$)
On the top we joined the church and started going to RCIA. Overall all positive things to create a good field of positive energy....but a month a go, things got worse again. The fights got worse, she didn't feel I desired her sexually. (due all this put downs I had performance anxiety). ..so one leads to another....another argument.
Nevertheless, one night she had a nervous breakdown and was ready to kill her or me...She called the neuro therapist and her therapise suggested that she goes to hospital. But the hospital did not take her in.
One of our counselors recommended a new doctor. We start seeing this doctor who had lots of experience with biopolar etc. and understood to see her sympthoms. (He prescriped Wellbutrin) It seemed to work for her for a while and she felt more stable, but 2 weeks ago it got worse again.
Arguments after arguments, then she involved her family again against me, hit me during emotional outbreaks.
I broke her phone during an argument in rage, which of course was wrong and is held over my head now...from the whole family. What she did, is not important. End of the story, I bought her a new phone.
I caught her making secret phone calls with old friends and family talking about me. And it didn't stop. I overheard that they tought I am dangerous ....I was surprised. They know we have been fighting and the cops were involved but they saw the problem only in me.
I had enough and told her if she wouldn't stop involving or distorting her family, to end it. I took her cell phone...because I just bought it new, and said I would return it...and finish. I walked in the bathroom and she came after me, hitting me in on my ear...(very hard). She took the kids and ran off...I followed her in my car and she took of to her EX husband (who was always the enemy and seeked shelter).
I had enough and called the cops. The cops arrived there and talked to her....and asked me if I really want her to be arrested. I said, YES......
what did I do? I don't want to see my wife in jail but...I couldn't take her hitting me anymore. Her family bailed her out ($50000) and she came with the police to pick up her stuff. Children services got involved and the kids are now with her EX who just took them back to Indiana. Also, her family hates me now, and tells me how many issues I have.
Fortunately I documented all the scratches and bruised I had from the past attacks from my wife....but nobody seemed to believe me.
I love my wife and would never thougth this would happen...and of course....she hates me know. She totall withdrew herself from me.
The other day she came into the appartment to pick up some stuff and I faced her. She didn't expect me that day, and she looked scrared and acted very cold....I told her that I love her but violence is not RIGHT...she let me kiss her and hug her but did not response. She had teary eyes.... She said it was my fault, that I pinpointed her against the wall that's why she hit me....wow ...I was surprised about this too.
She went over to her ex husbands house and I followed her. He was about to leave back home with the kids...so I thought it would be only fair if I can say good by to the kids, but I felt my wife and him teamed up. What a weired scenario. I felt like an outcast.
She left and said she wanted space and she would contact the counselors. She said, she is off her meds and is happy now and feels fine. She takes some Xanax if she can't sleep...She asked me if I can help her with some bills and I wrote her a check....I asked her where she woud stay and she dendied to tell me where. I don't know what to think now...what will happen?
I know I am dealing with some kind of codpendent isssue myself and I am working on it,.....but I miss her. I do love her...but I am at the end of my wisdom. What is she doing now.....?

I followed her ( i know terrible ), as I felt scared to be abandomed,...When she noticed me following, she stopped and asked me not to follow her. After talking to her, she suggested to drive over to the counselor to talk together. By the time I got in my car, she took off already. She LIED !

Our counselor called the other day and told me that she called him. She is very hurt and lives somewhere and wants space. Her ex told me he had many problems with her in their marriage. Also the police was involved and she was in the mental hospital once.

Please can somebody tell me what she is thinking now...Is she just waiting for her court date? Does she want to run away from the problems back to Indiana? Is there maybe another man involved?

I understand, she is frightened but she does not want to communicate or see the picture. I am sure her family wants her to stay away from me?

When I showed her the pictures with all the scratches and bruises, she denied it. She said, she did not do that. I couldn't believe it.

I told her, that I feel she is like and alcoholic who doesn't want to admit to the truth.

Please somebody tell me what to expect now...? I don't want to loose my wife...I want her to be well...but what now....? so much caos, so many people involved. I love her but ...?

Thank you for all your mindful input...

God bless,

J.