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shoeholic

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hitting myself
Posted: 04-21-08 09:54am

hi there,
im 20 and i have a raging temper. whenever i get angry at someone, my heart races and i feel like i couldnt breathe. not only that, i hit myself.

i deliberately hit myself over and over because it makes me feel good. i repeatedly hit my head then my thighs, my hands, my face, anywhere i feel like until it becomes all red. sometimes it got so bad, my head will have bumps as i hit really hard.

when i hit myself, i dont feel the pain. its like my hands get out of control and i feel like hitting something. the only problem is that, the thing im hitting is myself. i do this all the time when im angry at someone.

if we get into a fight, i will always feel like it's my fault. eventhough i know its not my fault. i will always blame and harm myself to feel better. and it does feel better, for a while. then i'll feel all rotten inside and i hate myself for it. i also feel worthless.

i cant control this behaviour. the need to harm myself takes over me, like a demon. its like i cant stop. i dont think about suicide whenever i hit myself because i dont want to die. i feel better whenever i hit myself because i know im 'punishing' myself.

i dont want my family to know.. im tired of living like this, harming myself to make myself feel better.. its tiring.. please help me.
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antigone

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Joined: 27 Jan 2008
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Posted: 05-07-08 17:50pm

Have you seen a psychiatrist about this issue? Self harm can be a symptom of a mental health disorder, anxiety disorder, depression.... The anger aspect of the episodes you describe needs to be addressed. Find a good psychiatrist and get treated.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: shoeholic 
Emma2

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Posted: 05-08-08 07:04am

It's clear you havea majorproblemand youneed to seek mental help asap before you start hurting others or end up killing yourself.
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Users who thank Emma2 for this post: shoeholic 
luvumason

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Posted: 05-24-08 21:02pm

Hi, I have a three year old with autism that does this to himself. He hits me and his little brother but, mainly hits himself. Anytime he is corrected or upset about anything, he punches himself in the head over and over. This has been a major concern for me so, the pshyciatrist is going to try some behavioral therapy and if that doesn't work she is going to try medication so, you may want to see a pshyciatrist.
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apple21

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Joined: 27 May 2008
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Location: vacaville,
I understand
Posted: 05-27-08 11:35am

I had this same problem when i was teenager, i would cut my self, i would blame my self for every problem around me and the only way i knew to get out my anger was to hurt myself, i could see what i was doing but never felt the pain, it got to the point where i tried many time to kill myself. and was in the hospital once. Let me tell you the only thing that got me through this was my family and my husband(boyfriend at the Time), if you don't have people next to you helping you through this hard time, I'm not sure you can do it alone, I did see a theraist and they help me some to learn what the true problem was and to try and love myself, but my family with the biggest support for me. I hope i help in any way
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aquachickola

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Joined: 06 Mar 2008
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Location: , FL USA

Posted: 05-29-08 22:16pm

i hit myself too, and I bang my head against the walls until i get goose eggs. it's like the rage just comes out and has to go somewhere... anywhere.
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spongebob23

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Posted: 06-04-08 14:46pm

When i was younger i used to hit myself aswel..weather it was bangin my head against a wall or randumly punch myself so i know how some people feel and im here to listen x
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shoeholic

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im trying
Posted: 06-06-08 13:08pm

thanks.. i really appreciate it..
i am trying to control these urges.. still struggling..
whenever i get mad, i try very2 hard to not hurt myself and just take a deep breath and relax. its hard, to be honest but at least i think twice about doing it. thanx for the support Smile
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