hitting myself when angry Posted: 06-13-08 03:54am
ive written about this before.. (previous
title is 'hitting myself')
this time it gets worse and worse..
yesterday i felt so angry at my boyfriend
so i hit myself.. i smacked and punched my
legs till i have bruises.. and i cried
like mad.. its not because of the fight,
but usually i cry because i hate myself
for doing this.. now my legs are covered
with bruises.. after the fights, instead
of making things better, i blame and start
punching myself..
when i hit myself, it feels better.. just
for a while.. and i'll feel all horrible
and depressed.. i hide behind my smiles,
nobody knows i am struggling with this..
people see me as this happy girl.. i am,
but when the point gets low, i'll become a
total monster.. im not myself..im so tired
of injuring myself.. im so tired of
hiding..
i feel like i have nobody to talk to about
this.. nobody will understand.. i love my
boyfriend deeply, but i dont dare to tell
him about this.. to him, if i injure
myself, it means i am injuring him as
well.. and by injuring him, it means that
i dont love him. this is not true.. i hit
myself because of me..not because i want
to hit him or something..
i channel my anger by hitting and punching
myself.. whenever i look at myself, my
legs, the place where the bruises are
visible, i get so darn sad.. i am so sad
and scared at the same time that i am
capable of doing this. i guess i really
hate myself..
i dont know who else to turn to.. i dont..
i want to go to a psychologist or
something but that would mean i have to
tell my parents and my boyfriend that i
have a problem and i cannot bear that. i
dont want them to know, i dont want
anybody to know.. sometimes i picture
myself with a razor blade.. how it would
be easy to end everything.. i feel such a
failure.. i really do.. but i dont have
the guts of doing it.. i dont want to die,
actually. i just want this pain to go
away. im so afraid of myself.. i rly do..
|
spongebob23
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 31 Location: , Uk
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-16-08 12:07pm
i know how you feel..when im angry a
sometimes hit myself and for a while it
makes you feel better until you think what
your doing and it upsets you..I think you
should chanel your anger to hitting a
pillow or anything other than
yourself..Maybe you should go to your docs
and they will refer you to a phycoligist
in confidential and you can tell ur bf and
family when your ready.
What Makes you angry?
Pm Me Anytime
|
audreyvl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 12
Posted: 10-13-08 17:14pm
I hit myself too when I get angry.
Yesterday I hit myself in the stomach and
hips and now I have bruises on my hip
bones and on my stomach. It really hurts
when I put pants on because they run on my
bruised hip bones.
