Ok ladies my cousin has an issue that I
have been trying to help her with but im
no help maybe you guys have advice or have
been in the same boat. Its alittle bit of
a read so bear with me.
My 20yr old cousin is getting married this
year to her boyfriend of 3yrs! They are
really an amazing couple truley in love!
She was raised in a christan faimly where
marrage is very sacred and sex is to be
saved for marrage and a very intamet thing
to be shared only with your spouse. She is
a virgin. Her boyfriend though is not. He
has dated only 2 other woman and has had
sex with the first. This was when he was a
teen. Here is her problem
It really bothers her that he is not a
virgin. She constently is having
nightmears where she sees him having sex
with this girl. She feels like he cheeted
on her. She knows that he loves her and
respects her. She just cant get over the
fact of this girl. His ex. She is
extreemly jelouse of this girl whom she
never even met. Its just the fact that
this girl took his virginity. When they
get turned on and start fooling around
thoughts about him doing it to his ex
girlfriend pop into her mind and its a
total turn off.
So what can she do? How does she totaly
erase this girl from her mind. How does
she accept the fact that her love has had
sex with another woman. I have tryed to
tell her that it is in the past it needs
to be let go. He did not even know her
when he dated and had sex with his ex.
Also that she just needs to consentrate
that he really loves her and wants no one
else but her. These have helped her
alittle but she still has nightmares of
them having sex.
Any thoughts or advice is welcome. But
please no rude comments about just get
over it...
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Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 311 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 4
Thanked:6
Posted: 08-05-08 06:15am
Reassure her that he is marrying her, not
his ex. Yes, they were in love once, but
not anymore. The only one he wants is
your cousin, and the fact that they've
been together so long and are eager to get
married says a lot.
Not everyone has the same views about sex
and virginity, and the fact that he has
had sex before is simply something that
can't be changed. Tell your cousin not to
dwell on the past but focus on their long
and beautiful future before them.
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countryluvr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2008 Posts: 8
Posted: 08-10-08 19:00pm
Everyone has a past, its the future she
has to look forward to
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zigemyster
Supporter
Joined: 16 Aug 2008 Posts: 381 Location: ,
Thanks: 42
Thanked:20
Posted: 08-18-08 20:34pm
He chose her to marry and that in itself
should be sufficient that he loves her and
not the ex. Does he or his family speak
of his ex? It sounds like she is having a
tad bit of anxiety. Has she or they
considered pre-martial counseling? That
could help with the feelings that she has
regarding the other woman in his past.
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heybaybee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 22
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
Posted: 08-24-08 19:36pm
Thanks guys! She has calmed down some. I
had told her everything you guys
suggested. zigemyster...his faimly doesnt
talk for her they didnt like her. But he
occationaly talks with her. she calls him
to talk. I told her she needs to tell him
to STOP talking to her.
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_Tinkerbell_
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2007 Posts: 13
Posted: 08-25-08 18:17pm
Wow he should of stopped talking to her a
long time ago... especially if he knows
what his fiance is going through. I just
dont understand why date a non virgin guy
if u have such strong feelings about
keeping ur virginity and marrying a
virgin...
