How do you help someone that doesn't realize they need help? Posted: 08-23-08 16:01pm
I have a situation I need some advice on.
I already know it's bad and really I
should walk away but a part of me (the
good person that I am) can't. It's like
looking at a lost helpless puppy that
needs help. Okay, so here's the story.
I recently met a guy online. Chatted a
little at first and it was your basic,
"Hi! How's it going? How was your
day/weekend" thing. We got to know about
one another. At one point, I figured what
his intentions were with me. He just
wanted to hook up. I was originally okay
with this. What led me to this was that he
is always depressed and drinking, getting
drunk. He blogs when he's down so I ended
up reading some of his stories. I could
tell that he was hurt in the past but did
some hurting of his own. He has told me
doesn't trust girls. I tried to tell him
that not all girls are out to get him. I
tried cheering him up. I also figured out
he had low self-esteem. There were a few
things we discussed and one of them he got
mad at me because he thought I was
preaching to him. I really wasn't though,
I just wanted to steer him in the right
direction. I realize now that he played
the sympathy card with me and I fell for
it. I guess I was hoping in some way or
other that he'd see me differently than
all the other girls he has been with
lately.
So, bottom line is now, I'd like to help
him. But how do you help someone that
doesn't realize they need help? I see that
he's going down a bad path. I see that
he's hurting himself in the process. Is he
even worth it? I have developed somewhat
some feelings for him, that's why I can't
let go. Anything anyone can suggest, I'm
open to. Thanks!
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Fairy Godmother
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Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1571 Location: , Georgia USA
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Hi Posted: 08-23-08 17:19pm
This is NOT what you want to hear, but I
am telling you as I would my own
daughter........you've allowed him to play
on your sympathy once.....he has problems.
And you my dear, are not going to able to
"fix" them. He is NOT going to change and
therefore, you will be in the same boat
day after day....but only if you allow
yourself to be. Is it you care OR you feel
sorry for him? This is where myself, my
daughter and my best friend have made
mistakes of a lifetime..........always
going for the wrong guy we feel sorry for
them thinking we can help....Please,
listen to me and run the other way. You
can always tell him you will be his
freind, but he has issues and until he
faces them and gets help, you can not be a
part of his life. Hope this
helps......hugs!
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goodkarma08
goodkarma08
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Thank You! Posted: 08-27-08 23:52pm
I know that wasn't what I wanted to hear
but I knew it in the back of my mind. I
guess it was wishful thinking on my part.
Thanks though!
There has been a new development. So, we
were hanging out then all of a sudden,
just out of the blue, he confessed his
whole story. He does have quite a few
issues but he's aware of them and has
seeked professional help. And I know he
was being sincere because there were a few
times I thought he was gonna cry. When he
confessed, I honestly was shocked. It
makes me wonder why did he tell me. I
guess I could've asked but was still a bit
shocked. After hanging out, I had to leave
because I had a game to attend and he had
some things he had to do. When we said our
goodbyes, neither of us mentioned to call
or whatever. Basically just left saying
"goodbye". Later on that night, I guess he
messaged me. I missed it because I was
asleep. This, again, was a little
surprised.
So now, I'm not too sure what to think.
Should I just abandon the whole thing?
Again, any suggestions I'm open to.
Thanks!
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bottledwater
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2008 Posts: 29
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Posted: 08-28-08 02:24am
fairy godmother is somewhat right on this,
you cant fix most guys. however this one
appears to be taking steps to help end his
problems. if he continues on this and
works hard to achieve his goals then he
might have some hope, however if he
faulters on his way there then dont spend
your time on him.
only the cream of the crop of these people
will succeed in this, your chances arnt
great, but possible. keep at a distance to
avoid creating too much of a bond that you
dont know when to break away.
