Whatever you do, please, please don't kill
yourself!!!! Someone who has played you
for a sucker isn't worth ending it.
I don't know if she is your first True
Love, but your situation sounds like my
first True Love. He was my sun, my moon,
and my stars. I'd never felt like that
about anyone else and I worshipped him
something fierce.
However, he was insecure about himself (I
graduated from college, he dropped out
after a semester and took a job at a local
steel mill) and every chance he had he
never failed to tell me what a bad person
I was. Silly me, I believed him because I
thought he wanted the best for me and if I
was a bad person I must have been.
This went on for just over four years and
you can bet I did a great deal of crying.
I knew the end was coming but I was still
devastated when it happened. There was
still a great deal of pain because my
self-concept, like yours, was shaken to
the core. After being with someone for
all that time I was terrified of being
alone (sometimes a bad relationship is
better than none).
What she did to you was beyond
reprehensible. She couldn't stand up to
her parents? That should have been the
first warning sign. When I finally
married (I was 3
, my mom gave me a
very hard time right up to the night
before the wedding. I stood up to her on
more than one occasion about this. Why
your ex couldn't do that is absolutely
beyond me. And a promise to divorce after
a year of marriage? If she would do that
to him, how do you know she wouldn't do
that to you?
So, what to do? Get rid of everything,
but EVERYTHING that has any ties to her.
Remove her telephone number from your cell
phone, block her calls, don't reply to her
texts. That sounds incredibly cruel but
you have to take the first step towards
wellness and the first step is the most
difficult to take.
It's OK to mourn the loss of the
relationship, but you need to remember
that you are NOT a doormat for anyone.
She walked all over you and you didn't
realize it (I speak from experience).
Now you have a chance to start over with a
clean (albeit tear-stained) slate. Get
yourself involved with something new--a
new hobby, a new interest. Do you have a
support system? A group of friends that
you hang around with? Time to call in
favors and have them help you get through
this. More than one person that has
responded to this forum has suggested
getting into exercise. It will give you
positive results and you'll be too tired
to do much of anything else when you
finish.
When the walls start closing in, go out
for a walk, do a mall crawl, just anything
to be around people. Anything to get you
away from your misery. Go to the dollar
movies and enjoy something.
Are you living in your own apartment? How
about rearranging your furniture? It's
cheap and the layout will be a reflection
of you. Maybe something new for your
walls?
Give yourself a goal to work towards.
Having something to look forward to is a
great help.
Only time will help you heal, but you have
to do something for yourself. It took me
six months or so to get over him and I had
several dreams about him over that time.
That's normal.
Feel free to pm me if you need a shoulder
to cry on.
