My boyfriend and I get in fights like I've
never had before. They're not violent, we
don't tear each other down, but they're
just extremely emotionally high strung.
I'm an emotional person, but I'm not used
to these intense fights or disagreements.
I'm so overly sensitive and they cut right
through me.
I've never had a tendency to hurt
myself... but lately, mildly, I have been.
What's most disturbing to me, the first
time I did it, I specifically did it
looking for his attention. I didn't cut
myself or anything extreme like that, just
continually dug my nails into my arms.
They didn't pierce my skin, but I didn't
have burst blood vessels and some
scabbing. He was upset by it, and we
talked, and I told him I didn't mean to, I
didn't know I was doing it and that it
didn't hurt.
Since that time I've done it 3 more times.
This is over a span of about 6+months.
In between these instances, i do take
comfort in tugging at my hair or squeezing
my arm or something... just some way to
discharge my excess emotions, but tonight
I scared myself.
While continuing an argument put on hold
from last night (he's away for a week and
we've been in contact over the phone or
the computer) I got so wound up and upset,
I grabbed the closest semi sharp thing
near me, which happened to be a key that i
just had cut today, and ripped it down my
inner forearm. I felt an enormous
relief... but we continued arguing and I
came to a point where I repeatedly
scratched my skin with it until I felt
calm.
My arm is bleeding mildly, and stings I
have 7 scratches. I don't know what to do
now. This is obviously something that's
going to leave a mark for sometime... I
know he will be home in a matter of a few
days, and I don't know how to explain this
to him.
I just don't know why I can't control my
emotions? Initially I just wanted his
attention, but I'm really worried its
becoming a release or something for me.
How do I find an outlet to vent my
emotions?
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andywrites
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2008 Posts: 1
emotions trapped inside Posted: 07-16-08 22:07pm
My feeling is that you feel trapped in
some situation from being able to share
what you are feeling with others, maybe
with your boyfriend, maybe with parents or
whomever is at the source of what you are
feeling.
I am recently feeling a resurgence of
feelings about my parents divorce from 20
years ago and it is catching me off guard,
but through letting myself be drawn to
books that feel good to read about
subjects like that I find it has helped me
tune into what the source of my emotions
really is. It maybe something from a long
time ago that is not immediately apparent
that has been triggered.
The pain you instinctively inflict on
yourself is your body trying to attract
your attention to pain you have inside.
You need to tune out some outside sources
and give yourself the time and space to
feel your way to the source.
Sometimes there are proactive ways to
discharge the energetic form of an emotion
that you have not felt your way to the
source of yet. Things similar to what you
are doing. Body tapping, which is just
slapping your body all over (till it
becomes red, not bruised or anything) is a
valid healing method and daily exercise in
Eastern countries. Body shaking or
vibration can also help, like you can get
in dance circles or African dance classes.
Those might help.
