Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 48 Location: Portland, OR USA
husband can't take it Posted: 06-22-08 08:17am
He didnt know i was bipolar when we
started dating. I was happy cheerful and
when i would self harm he thought it was
just depression, cause thats what i told
him was wrong.
But a few months into our relationship i
had a traumatic experience with him and
his ex.(my own fault might i add but
still) and since then i havent been the
same...
My moods shift constantly, weekly now.
between severe crippling depression to
severe anger..to being so happy its like
i'm on air. I've become abusive,
controlling and selfish when i'm upset.
I love him so much, and he loves me or we
wouldnt be married, but he's at wits end
with me. He yells at me for my lack of a
job saying i need to stop blaming
everything on my disorder..but i cant even
hold a job for more then a month if i'm
lucky. Hell i didnt even make it past
orientation to my last job. He says he
wants to understand whats going through my
mind but he cant, and when i'm angry he
cant even reason with me because he says
its like i'm not myself at all.
He's afraid of me cause twice last year i
pulled a knife on him...but i dont
remember doing it fully...and as soon as
the worst of the anger is over i'm a
crying wreck begging for forgivness.
We want children..and are even trying
now..but with my most recent mood
swing..i'm beggining to think i dont want
kids to be like me..or to be raised like i
was always fearing their parents.
what the hell do i do to keep my problem
from destroying my realtionship?
(by the way i'm 19, he's 20..and i'm not
on any meds and dont plan to even get on
them i dont like side effects.)
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 110
Thanked:156
Posted: 06-22-08 21:04pm
He needs to brush up on knowledge of this
disorder. Maybe then he will uderstand why
we have so much trouble in employment,
relationships and just life in general. I
can go off on a rapage in a hearbeat if
someone sets me off. Been much better
since on medication. Like day and night. I
have been through three marriages due to
my Bipolar.
I really think the slight side effects of
Bipolar medications will never outweigh
the benifet you get from them. You will
never know unless you try. It could mean a
change for a better future and your
sanity. Don't say no unless you have at
least gave it a try. Ask anyone one this
board that is Bipolar. I think you will
find that most of us have very little side
effect from them. Besides, your doctor
will try you on one and if that don't work
another will be tried. Took me twice to
get the right cocktail. I am a new person.
I think I actually have a good
relationship now but there is to much
water under the bridge to even think about
it. To much hurt and a passed I can not
forget. Would be way to hard for me.
Carrie
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antigone
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 899 Location: IL
Thanks: 43
Thanked:15
Posted: 06-23-08 04:36am
I agree with Carrie. The benefits outweigh
the negatives with medications. You do not
sound stable. Medication can bring much
more even moods and that will have a very
positive effect in your life and
relationship with your husband. You are
allowing your disorder to drive the car
when you should be behind the wheel. This
is self destructive and will lead to more
chaos in your life. Give medication a
chance. There are many options out there
to help you. It is not a one size fits all
treatment plan. It takes trial and error
but when you find a medication or
combination of medications that work for
you, you will feel so much better.
I hope you will reconsider getting
treatment. It will bring some stability to
your life.
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Users who thank antigone for this post:
CarolDiane
Meklia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 48 Location: Portland, OR USA
Posted: 06-24-08 17:34pm
thanks
is there anyway to manage this without
medication? Its not just a matter of side
effects...its a matter of i dont have
insurance, and its to expensive to see a
psychiatrist to get the meds in the first
place. Hell i cant even find a therapist
out here for anything lower then 100
bucks. I've tried looking into sliding
scale but i cant find anything. That and
even if i make the appointment i can bet
money on the fact that it would come
around and i wouldnt go.
I need to get a job, so i can get meds
etc..but i cant get a job untill i get on
meds and get stable.
I've had this since i was 12 or so, and
all these years..been hospitalized twice
and still havent gotten the help i need,
i'e been on prozac, trileptal, paxil, and
something else i cant remember..and all
any of those drugs ever did was send me
into a worse suicidal mindset then i had
already been in.
so thats also why i'm sorta weary to
trying any drugs.
blah..
sorry ranting..i used to be a part of a
wonderful self help group online, even
tattooed its name on my arm surrounded by
a wonderful design to remember those we
couldnt help, and those we can try to
help...but that group has sadly died (not
litterally...people just stopped posting,
and our older members got better and
left.) I miss having people to talk to who
knew the worst of it all
eep i'm sorry i'm just going on and on..my
minds sorta a mess today.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2390 Location: ,
Thanks: 110
Thanked:156
Posted: 06-24-08 23:07pm
If your strong enough and can go it along,
and not let things get to you, then yes.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
