is it normal to grieve like this? Posted: 05-12-08 03:30am
i was lucky enough that my dad lived to
see his 1st grand baby... my son was born
jan 9th 08, dad died march 19th. anyways
ive been really strong most of the time
but now i find myself miserable as i come
to reality (not shock) and it hurts so bad
and im angry and irritable so much these
last couple of weeks. ive been refusing
intercourse, thinking of breaking up with
my b/f, resenting my dads g/f as she wont
let me have anything to remember him by.
< she did his will when my dad wasnt in
a sober state of mind. she got his house
and everything in it. i know my dad and
know what he said a few months before he
passed. he wanted everything to go to his
kids (bro and i). he always put us kids
first and his g/f always hated that. i
just feel he has been cheated. i dont care
she got the house cuz im not mature enough
for that responsibility, but his
belongings? i feel entitled to those. i
want his stuff because if i gather his
belongings i feel like i can be comforted
(not that lil things replace him), but
that the lil things can make me feel
surrounded by him, my way of copping. what
should i do? i want lil things like his
fav indian blanket, his black and gold
onix ring (for my sons grad. presant when
he matures), his coffee mugs (long story
about me in HS with those), his pics, his
paintings. i want to keep that stuff in
the family. i might sound greedy but not
trying to. i want what is sentimental. i
mean eventually she will move on... i dont
want his stuff to go instorage or given to
good wheel if that makes sense. what u
think help me out plz.
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softerxsin
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jan 2008 Posts: 133 Location: ,
Posted: 05-12-08 08:21am
you have every right to feel like this.
your not being selfish or greedy. these
are all normal feelings
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AyaMiyaki
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Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8064 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
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Posted: 05-12-08 09:04am
You and your brother can probably contest
the will if you think it was made when
your father wasn't clear-headed.
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Rosie H
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1088 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Posted: 05-12-08 11:15am
yes, you are perfectly normal for feeling
like this. Its natural to want something
to remember him by.
Maybe you could speak to the girlfriend
and just be honest about how you feel. You
two share a common groud with losing your
father maybe that can open her eyes. You
deserve some part of your father. See what
she says and tell her that you dont want
anything to do with the past, all you want
is your father. if she has a heart she
will hear you out.
But this is a normal part of greiving.
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 05-12-08 12:30pm
I would agree with contesting the will. If
she wrote the will, of course it would be
skewed. Who witnessed it? Who else has a
copy? Ask for a copy and take it to a
lawyer.
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aochriss
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 367
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Posted: 05-12-08 19:27pm
AyaMiyaki
wrote:
You and your brother can
probably contest the will if you think it
was made when your father wasn't
clear-headed.
Absolutely. You and your brother have
legal rights that the gf does not have.
You should talk to an attorney, usually
first consultations are free.
I would agree with
contesting the will. If she wrote the
will, of course it would be skewed. Who
witnessed it? Who else has a copy? Ask for
a copy and take it to a
lawyer.
no1 else has a copy and she wont give one
to me. idk what to do, all i want is the
lil things. she is a control freak and
often manipulates things, twists stuff
around and what have you. i forgive her
for that cuz she just dosnt know any
better. i was raised to give the shirt off
my back from my dad. as far as ive
heard... a friend of hers whitnessed it. i
cant compete tho if it was a friend of
hers cuz then she has someone who will
stand by her even if it was wrong.
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AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8064 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 126
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Posted: 05-23-08 09:39am
Contact a lawyer. He'll require her to
provide a copy of the will, and you can
contest it from there. You have legal
rights.
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monkeygirl22
Supporter
Joined: 20 Nov 2006 Posts: 2399 Location: ,
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Posted: 05-26-08 18:48pm
I just got home from out of town and saw
this. I'm so sorry that you are having to
go through all this. Having your son was
definitely a joyous event but this whole
year has been so complicated for you. i
would definitely try to get some of my
dad's stuff. She's just his girlfriend.
You're his daughter-his own flesh and
blood. You deserve to keep stuff in the
family for your child.
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killbill
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 322
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Thanked:7
Posted: 05-27-08 09:51am
i'm just reading this now, i realise it is
from a while ago, but i wanted to
respond.
i am sorry to hear about your loss. please
allow yourself to grieve. it sounds like
you had to be strong for others and didn't
give yourself the chance to just give in
to your own grief. don't mask your
sadness with other feelings or try to
direct it at someone who isn't
responsible. it is only natural to feel
sadness and sometimes anger when someone
you love dies. you have to let your self
go through the feelings for what they are,
even if it is difficult, so that they
don't poison relationships and other
aspects of your life. you should give
yourself some time to grieve and just ask
his girlfriend if you can have some of the
things you consider family heirlooms and
things that you want to keep in the
family. you don't know how she really
feels about it until you discuss it with
her and she may be willing to give those
things up if she sees that you just want
some keepsakes to remember your dad by and
to pass on to your son. i can imagine
you've been on quite a rollercoaster ride
and you need to honour that and take the
time to process your feelings on your own
time. i really hope this works out for
you and you are able to negotiate
something with your dad's girlfriend
without any more bad feelings but if not,
remember it's okay to let go of things
because that's all they are. at the end
of the day, sometimes it's just not worth
the stress.
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