last relationship ended badly Posted: 07-09-08 19:50pm
my last relationship was about 3 months
long, but we fell for each other very
fast. we got extremely close, and
comfortable with each other. we were
exclusive, and everything seemed to be
going PERFECT. he went away for a month on
business, which i knew about from the
start, it was already a planned trip and i
knew where he'd be and when he'd be back,
etc.
so.. a week into this trip we broke up
literally OUT OF NOWHERE. no fighting, no
problems, nothing. he said he needed to
deal with his issues alone, and figure out
what he's doing with his life and focus
solely on what he was away to do. he said
he loved me, and knew we'd be back
together again when the timing was better
if i'd have him back.
come to find out, he had sex with a minor
while on this trip. he's early 20's. and
he's now dating someone new that he was
already talking to while we were
together.
are all guys this terrible? i'm scared to
trust anyone now. i question everything.
who knows when dating will even become
part of my vocabulary again.. any advice?
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weeps23
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Posted: 07-09-08 19:58pm
some guys are DICKS.
but as you go on in the dating process it
gets easier and easier to say good bye!
and thenBOOM. you find mr right and you
are so glad you went threw that terrible
process of finding him.
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mena0784
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Posted: 07-09-08 20:05pm
haha i hope so.. because so far i've been
cheated on in almost every relationship
i've been in.. one that was 3 years long,
and another that was 1 year long and we
lived together for most of that time..
cheating is the worst. cheating and
keeping secrets. i'm incredibly fed up
with the male gender right now. lol. i'm
just worried that all guys are secretly
just total douchebags. us good girls just
get strung along to believe they aren't.
know what i mean?
:/
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lonestarguy
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Posted: 07-09-08 20:43pm
mena0784
wrote:
haha i hope so.. because so
far i've been cheated on in almost every
relationship i've been in.. one that was 3
years long, and another that was 1 year
long and we lived together for most of
that time.. cheating is the worst.
cheating and keeping secrets. i'm
incredibly fed up with the male gender
right now. lol. i'm just worried that all
guys are secretly just total douchebags.
us good girls just get strung along to
believe they aren't. know what i mean?
:/
As a male, I hesitate to answer you lest
you lower the boom on me. However, being
more a man than a mouse, I will try to
give you the truth about men and
relationships.
Yes, some men are dicks. They are
constantly searching for something better
and many times they miss the perfect girl
for them because of it. But, as the poster
above said, the trials with men are worth
it if you find the right person for you.
It does get easier as you date longer,
being able to spot the good guys from the
bad.
Many men don't understand women and some
really don't get what a monogamous
relationship involves. There are guys out
there that are honest and faithful, but
don't expect any guy to be perfect. There
are no perfect guys, just as there are no
perfect girls. But, it sounds like you
just want someone who will be honest with
his feelings for you.
Just don't give up on all men because of
your previous experiences. You never know
when your guy will come along.
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mena0784
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Posted: 07-09-08 20:53pm
i just want a guy to be honest, period.
about anything. so far, not so good.
like i said, i've been cheated on a lot,
and this past incident was the deal
breaker. when i met that guy, he was quiet
and shy and polite. he was a gentleman and
i'd never had that before. he left me love
letters and bought me flowers, went out of
his way to be with me. he was a fantastic
boyfriend, while it lasted.
then we broke up out of complete nowhere,
he had sex with a random girl, and is now
dating a girl that he started talking to
while we were still together.
such confusion!!
it's hard to grasp the concept of "it gets
easier as you date longer, being able to
spot the good guys from the bad" because
i'm 24 this month, and have been in many
relationships.. i've learned a lot about
guys..
and this time he appeared different to me,
he wasn't my usual type/pick. but he
turned out to be just as bad if not worse
than all the rest..
see my frustration? the good ones seem to
be bad ones in disguise to me now..
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worrywart01
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Posted: 07-09-08 21:06pm
i understand your frustration...and thats
the ULTIMATE betrayal is to be cheated
on..its so emotionally damaging and its
hard to be able to get to the point of
fully trusting someone..sometimes you
wonder if its even worth getting into the
relationship if you anticipate heartache
all the time...i've told my current
boyfriend that if things are working
PLEASE respect me enough to let me know,
do not cheat on me...i hope things will
get better for you, keep your chin up and
just remember..his loss will be another
mans gain...you'll find your prince
soon..it just sucks you have to go through
so many ugly frogs
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mena0784
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Posted: 07-09-08 21:11pm
hmm, i hope you're right, dear.
you know, something's been dawning on me
lately..
maybe i'm dating guys that are too young
for me. i didn't used to date younger
guys.. but i was younger then.. and the
guys i dated in the past that were older
were around 20-21.. i was younger than
them.. now i'm almost 24.. and still
dating guys that tend to be around that
age.. so as i got older, my guy choices
stayed the same for some reason.. it's
like i used to want an older guy and now
that i'm getting older i tend to attract
to younger guys. strange.
think that could be an issue? i need to
find a guy my age or older.. yea?
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worrywart01
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Posted: 07-09-08 21:24pm
yessssss definitely go for an older
guy...i'm kind of going through that same
situation...i'm dating a guy alittle over
a year younger than me...i'd had my fun
crazy freshman year of college and when we
started dating he was just starting
college and i was going back so it was
long distance...we tried the whole going
out thing...didn't work..too much
ridiculous fights..so that
stopped...anyway..my point is...that
definitely sounds like your problem to
me...these guys are no where near ready to
settle down or be committed..i sometimes
question how serious is my boyfriend with
me(hes 20 i'm 21)..and while i'm not
looking to settle down anytime soon I do
want to be serious..bc for me if it isn't
serious its just a waste of time..i dont
do the whole date just for fun thing...i
date to find "the one"...i think if you
stay within your age or older you'll find
the guys much more mature(hopefully haha)
and they should have all that ridiculous
behavior out of their system...you know, i
was watching a movie today and the line
fits perfectly.."you're always going to be
the guy that wished he ordered what the
man next to him has"...meaning, some can
just never be satisfied with what they
already have...it AMAZES me that some men
that are married to the most gorgeous
women in hollywood STILL cheat....WHY...bc
they're worthless jerks, they dont think
with the brain upstairs they're too self
absorbed and want a few minutes of
pleasure....i hope you find a REAL man
that will treasure you and return you're
love..and im sure you'll find him
You mean about the guys you dated. I'm
with lonestar on this one,
lonestarguy
wrote:
Just don't give up on all
men because of your previous experiences.
You never know when your guy will come
along.
I've been cheated on once, I've also had a
no-reason breakup after 18 months
relationship, and I have never ever
cheated on someone.
What I mean is that your exes weren't nice
and I understand the ongoing doubt. It's
okay to remember previous situations to
anticipate errors ; just be careful with
accidental prejudice. I've had one of my
exes being paranoid over me
because of her exes, and it felt very
insulting that she simply couldn't trust
me, because of her constant comparison
with the past. Same situations and
locations can be completely different if
with a different person.
I'm not much into big age differences but
if you're okay with that go for it. I wish
you good luck, the journey is not over
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Mikolas
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Posted: 07-10-08 01:58am
Typically if you are dating 21 year old
guys, they are still college boys no? They
need a few more years to act their age,
which even then doesn't always occur =P
I'd say most of them are not ready for
commitment, so perhaps you should look
towards the older crowd.
Otherwise, I don't think there is anything
wrong with the idea of dating a different
age group. I personally would not mind
dating an older woman, I don't trust
college girls so much.
It's unfortunate you experienced such
betrayal repeatedly, I can see why you
begin to see how all guys can be total
jerks, but as the other males said, there
are good men are there, just got to look
in the right places. A hint, the good guys
may be the guys you don't notice at first
glance.
From good guys perspective, its probably
frustrating as well to see how girls flock
over to the guy that we know is just
trouble and completely get ignored.
Keep searching =P Each one is yet another
learning experience that'll guide you to
the right one.
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eeyore46
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Posted: 07-10-08 02:15am
I am so glad that I am 46 and do not have
to worry about this sort of thing. I have
been with my husband for 28 years. Yes,
he may cheat on me tomorrow, but I can
honestly say that there is no better
husband and father than he has been. He is
so good to me and both of our children.
Not only that, he will do anything for his
parents or my parents. He leaves at 6:00
every morning and gets home at 4:00 every
afternoon and has to work
every-other-weekend. He is the most
perfect husband anyone could ask for. So
yes, there are good men out there, it is
just hard to find them. We were high
school sweethearts and it continues. Set
your goals and standards high, and you
will find the right man.
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Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
Posted: 07-13-08 21:45pm
Not all guys are bad, there are some nice
ones out there, probably. I dated a guy
for four years, then we broke up (I broke
up with him) and after seven months we got
back together and dated for another year.
During that time it seemed as though he
had changed (he went from working at a
restaurant to working at a bar). I never
suspected him of cheating at all the first
time we dated, then the second time I
figured that he was.
I wouldn't assume that all guys are mature
because they're older then you. I'm 23
and I had a fling with a guy I worked with
who was ten years older then me...and he
was married! Some guys are more mature at
21 then others are at 45. It depends on
the person. Good guys are pretty hard to
find, especially in the cultural wasteland
that I live in!!! I feel that if I stay
here my whole life, I'll never find
anyone! Lol. Good luck, hopefully you'll
find a guy who'll treat you with respect.
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eeyore46
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Posted: 07-13-08 23:26pm
There is good and bad in every gender.
You will find the right one - if not, it
is just not meant to be. It is better to
be alone than for someone to cheat on you
and break your heart. Do not settle for
just anyone - whatever age you are - wait
until the right one comes along. Good
luck - it will happen - again, set your
goals and standards high, and they will
not be able to resist you and your good
heart.
