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Relationships and Marriage Forum - looking for relationship help
looking for relationship help Posted: 03-16-08 20:19pm
Hi everyone
I would really appreciate if a couple
people could give me their opinion on my
situation. Right now I am feeling very
confused and lost. I am 20 years old and I
have been a relationship for 1 ½ years.
This has definitely been my longest
relationship and the first time I have
been in love. When we have our good times
they good, but when we have bad times they
are really low. Our arguments are so
stupid and repetitive and it seems like we
cannot come to terms to understand each
other and they just escalate. Last night
we got in a huge fight over pretty much
nothing (because everything always
plummets) and I almost thought that it was
over and he was really upset and so was I
and I slapped him. (really horrible I
know) I have no excuse for it. It was
obviously the wrong thing to do.
I feel like I can never get my point
across and that he doesn%u2019t understand
where I am coming from.
He says he loves me in the good and the
bad. And he has never called me a harsh
name. He has never laid a hand on me and
would not hurt me. The worst he once said
(which was last night), was f*** off and
don%u2019t come back. I truly believe he
would not cheat on me. But some things
that he gets ashamed of he will hide and
then I find out and of course it%u2019s a
gong show. Like when I first met him he
quit smoking. Then that summer he was
having rough times and he got
%u201Cstressed%u201D out and had a pack of
cigarettes that I discovered and I was
blown away that he had kept it from me and
done it behind my back. I really hate when
people lie. I rather hear the truth and be
hurt by it, rather than finding out
someone did something behind my back.
Anyways apparently I get very defensive
when we argue and my own coping mechanism
is to just walk away from the situation
and cool down. He doesn%u2019t respect
this and thinks that things should be
talked about right away. I just don%u2019t
know if these hard times are worth it?
Obviously couples are going to go through
bad and good times. But I sometimes wonder
if our bad times are normal. I end up
asking myself, is this really love? It
seems like we try so hard but the bad
times really suck and it makes me wonder
if later in the future we will be hanging
onto each other by a piece of thread. For
a little while now, I think of the future
of us. Before in relationships I would
just be in the now. Living only that
moment and taking it day by day. But in
this relationship I actually think long
term. We always work things out and we
always apologize to one another but when
is too much, enough?
Now recently my best friend had a falling
out with his roommate and all of a sudden
she is despising my boyfriend (she did
when we first met and starting dating and
then grew into liking him). It really
sucks when my best friend hates my
boyfriend and I can%u2019t even talk to
her about our ups and downs because her
only advice is to get rid of him.
My boyfriend is a good person. I think he
sometimes has a stubborn temper but we all
have our imperfections. I feel so confused
because when we get in huge arguments I
wonder if we are actually meant for each
other or if we are just trying so hard and
digging ourselves in a hole.
Thank you to anyone who has listened to
me. I really appreciate it.
Lindsay
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musicdiva1331
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Feb 2008 Posts: 21 Location: ,
Posted: 03-18-08 00:00am
have you talked to him about your walking
away being a coping mechanism outside of
when you are fighting? if not, do, just
calmly explain that it's something you
have to do to keep your cool
