Married 2 month never fought till we got married. Posted: 04-17-08 12:07pm
We are a 39 yr old and 30 yr old Husband
and Wife. We used to NEVER fight while we
were dating. We dated for a year with a
one month break up to see if it was what
we really wanted.
After we got back together we got married
and now all we seem to do is fight. I know
he is somewhat upset cause he moved in
with me (cause I run my own babysitting
business here) he feels he gave up some
freedom and his home. It is 86 miles from
where he lived before but he made choice
to come here.
I feel I snap at him easy, he is always
saying I am not doing wifely duties and
last night was really bad cause he called
me hypocrite he has never called me names
or anything before. He never gives me
compliments like he did while dating now
it is always negative comments. I am not
trying to sound perfect here cause I know
I am not but I don't feel I have changed
at all from then till now.
My brother says first yr living together
is always hardest. Does anyone find that
true at all? Could maybe someone give me
insight on 1st yrs together and is it
always this hard?
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Jacobs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 6
Posted: 04-22-08 15:15pm
How exactly did you date, living 86 miles
apart?
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 04-22-08 15:43pm
Getting married and moving in together are
big adjustments. People don't realize how
much it will change things. My husband
and I were together six years by the time
we got married. Our first wedding
anniversary is two weeks away and we are
separated. It is very hard, but how you
deal with your problem right now is very
important because it is going to lay the
foundation for the rest of your marriage.
I suggest you see a marriage counselor. A
lot of people think that seeing one means
that you can't work your problems out, but
that isn't true. It is best to have a
third party step in and put things into
perspective.
It sounds like you both need to work on
not criticizing each other and not letting
your disagreements escalate. It is hard,
but it can be done.
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meajo1977
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Posts: 3
datign 86 miles apart Posted: 04-22-08 16:28pm
We saw each other every wknd. I would
drive there and see him. On my days off I
would go there trust me we saw each other
3-4 times a wk Like alot of people mwho
work and date.
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meajo1977
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Posts: 3
Jude-Love Reply Posted: 04-22-08 16:34pm
You are right and we have talked about
seeing someone. It is getting better cause
you are right we was always putting each
other down and I would blame him and he
blame me. Ty for the wonderful comment and
I hope it all works out for you!!
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Jacobs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2008 Posts: 6
Posted: 04-23-08 07:47am
When my husband and I got married, we were
told that learning to live with another
person was was one of the hardest things
we would ever do. The people that told us
that were right. It has been hard, but I
have just tried not to take his moods too
personally, and that has helped. I won't
say that our life is perfect, but I
wouldn't trade it for anyone else's life.
My husband was always a very negative
person (he was never that way to me when
we were dating) and I have found that my
positivity has had an influence on him. I
am not saying that I have the power to
change him, only that our attitudes affect
the people around us. Remember you have
only been together for a year, it takes a
long, long time to get to know someone.
By the way, I was told that the first five
years of marriage are the most difficult.
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CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2098 Location: ,
Thanks: 69
Thanked:91
Posted: 05-13-08 17:18pm
It took me a long time and three marriages
to figure it out for myself. Dating is
sort of a partnership in crime kinda deal.
But, once you have signed that nuptual
paper it seems to emmediatly turn into an
ownership fight. Who owns who? Does he own
you or do you own him. Marriage should
still be a partnership with both parties
equally taking part in every sense of the
word. No hidden gems or paintings etc in
the bank safe deposite box. Marriage is an
equal opportunity part of life.
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 05-13-08 18:09pm
Jacobs
wrote:
How exactly did you date,
living 86 miles
apart?
86 miles isnt that big
of a deal
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Xalleah08
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 55 Location: Bellingham, WA USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:2
Posted: 06-01-08 18:35pm
It sounds like you two need to sit down
and talk openly about everything that is
going on between you, god and bad, not
just between the two of you, but in life
in general as well.
Believe it or not, not fighting is not
nessisarily a good thing. Everyone has a
problem with somebody at one point or
another no matter how much they care for
them.
Fighting is a healthy part of any
relationship as long as the disagreement
is resolved in in efficient manner.
If something bothers you, tell your
partener as soon as possible. (in an open,
but easygoing manner. . . ex: I don't
understand why we've been fighting more
lately and it's worying me, what is it
that's bothering you so much?) This is not
naging. It is solving a problem before it
gets worse.
The first three months my husband and I
were dating we never faught even though he
did things that often bothered or upset
me. When I eventually brought these things
up to him, I can immagine that it felt
like I was attacking him.
After that we constantly tried to keep
open doors to communication no matter what
the ussue was. We moved in together and I
was surprised that we didn't have many
issues because we already knew everything
about each other. Even the annoying
habbits.
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