Hi there. I just had a miscarriage of a
much-wanted baby. I'm 31, in good health,
and everything seemed okay. I started
cramping Saturday, then starting bleeding
lightly on Easter Sunday. I woke my
husband up at 5AM Monday because felt
myself start bleeding more heavily along
with cramping. I hadn't seen my OB/GYN
yet, just my family doctor. In the
hospital ER they kept asking me if I was
sure I was even pregnant and no matter how
many times I told them my doctor had
confirmed it and had set it at about 6
weeks, they kept doubting it, then (within
hearing of my room and everyone else's,
thank you very much) kept saying I was
just having a late, bad period. We were
out of town so I went to my regular doctor
to confirm the miscarriage.
The question I want to ask but haven't is
about my past. My husband, whom I adore,
was with me this whole time and I didn't
have the courage to ask things in front of
him when he doesn't know about it. I've
had 3 abortions. One was at the age of
22, by aspiration. The other 2 were by
the "pill," RU 486, at 27 and 29. None
were over 7 weeks. I could go into my
reasons but they are too long.
I was raised in a wonderful, loving
Christian home and truly don't believe I
made the right decisions then. But now I
feel like my past is back to haunt me, so
to speak. What effect do these past
abortions have on my being able to even
have a child? The part of me that usually
feels the most guilt feels like I deserve
this since I had my chance three time
already. I've never been so depressed in
my life. I don't know how to talk to my
husband about this now, how to bring it up
with doctors, what to say to the friends I
love dearly and want to talk to, I'm just
really lost. I want to be able to talk
honestly with someone. This is something
I have never told anyone and now the
weight of my past is smothering me.
