Hi there. I just had a miscarriage of a
much-wanted baby. I'm 31, in good health,
and everything seemed okay. I started
cramping Saturday, then starting bleeding
lightly on Easter Sunday. I woke my
husband up at 5AM Monday because felt
myself start bleeding more heavily along
with cramping. I hadn't seen my OB/GYN
yet, just my family doctor. In the
hospital ER they kept asking me if I was
sure I was even pregnant and no matter how
many times I told them my doctor had
confirmed it and had set it at about 6
weeks, they kept doubting it, then (within
hearing of my room and everyone else's,
thank you very much) kept saying I was
just having a late, bad period. We were
out of town so I went to my regular doctor
to confirm the miscarriage.
The question I want to ask but haven't is
about my past. My husband, whom I adore,
was with me this whole time and I didn't
have the courage to ask things in front of
him when he doesn't know about it. I've
had 3 abortions. One was at the age of
22, by aspiration. The other 2 were by
the "pill," RU 486, at 27 and 29. None
were over 7 weeks. I could go into my
reasons but they are too long.
I was raised in a wonderful, loving
Christian home and truly don't believe I
made the right decisions then. But now I
feel like my past is back to haunt me, so
to speak. What effect do these past
abortions have on my being able to even
have a child? The part of me that usually
feels the most guilt feels like I deserve
this since I had my chance three time
already. I've never been so depressed in
my life. I don't know how to talk to my
husband about this now, how to bring it up
with doctors, what to say to the friends I
love dearly and want to talk to, I'm just
really lost. I want to be able to talk
honestly with someone. This is something
I have never told anyone and now the
weight of my past is smothering me.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1088 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:4
Posted: 03-27-08 09:54am
Sorry to hear so much pain in your post. I
think the only real way you can overcome
this is to talk about it. I dont mean to
everyone all at once but maybe start with
your doctor and your husband. Those are
the most important people through
pregnancy. I am sure your husband loves
and cherishes you above anything else. He
might be surprised and even hurt that you
have not told him but he will also be
thankful that you are turning to him for
help. Your doctor will also be helpful. If
either of them are judgemental and mean to
you then they do not deserve you. If your
doctor says or does anything that you dont
like then I would find another doctor. I
have had lots of dark secrets and most of
them did not go away until a shared them.
I am sorry to say that I have no idea how
the previous abortions can affect you now.
Maybe someone else might know. Please keep
posting and reaching out to us online. Its
a start to overcoming your fear. You will
see that there are a lot of people that
support you and that do not look down on
you. Best wishes
Surgical abortions slightly increase your
chance of miscarrying, but I don't think
non-surgical ones do. The risk isn't
increased by a lot though.. you should
still be able to have children. You should
talk to your doctor.. they'll be able to
tell you more.
Miscarriages are nature's way of making
sure that when you do have a baby, it has
the best possible chance in life. Please
don't blame yourself for what happened.
Like Rosie H said, you should talk to your
husband about all this.. it's always
better to share things.
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Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8434 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:156
Posted: 03-27-08 10:59am
Quote:
Abortions
performed in the first trimester pose
virtually no long-term risk of such
problems as infertility, ectopic
pregnancy, spontaneous abortion
(miscarriage) or birth defect, and little
or no risk of preterm or low-birth-weight
deliveries.
Abortions do not increase the risk of
miscarriage. Early miscarriages are mostly
(70% of them) due to chromosomal
abnormalities.
If a person's cervix were weakened or
scarred by infection (post abortion), that
may affect her ability to carry a baby
later in the pregnancy. But a 6 week
miscarriage is doubfully the result of any
prior abortion.
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Jules
Supporter
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3689 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 52
Thanked:57
Posted: 03-28-08 13:38pm
Hello! I'm so sorry to hear that you're
going through such a tough time. It's
natural to blame yourself when you
miscarry, you can't help but wonder if
it's something you did wrong. I suppose
because there seems to be no
reason for it, we look for the answers by
blaming ourselves.
Something in your post struck a chord with
me. I am currently miscarrying at only 4
weeks 1 day, so I was very early indeed.
However, I know I was pregnant because
of all my symptoms and the fact I had 2
positive tests. However, when I saw my
doctor he seemed not to believe I was
pregnant at all and just said to treat it
as a late period. I'm well aware that at
4 weeks the 'baby' is just cells but when
it is a much wanted baby, it is
insensitive to simply call the loss 'a
period'.
Anyway, I know I've waffled but I just
wanted to say you have my sympathy and
please don't beat yourself up about your
past. You are not being punished and
unless you had bad problems following an
abortion then I would say there is no
reason you can't have a healthy
pregnancy.
Good luck!
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peligrosa
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Apr 2008 Posts: 1 Location: Miltown,
Posted: 04-01-08 21:42pm
I am sorry to hear about your emotional
struggle. I dont want you to be so hard on
yourself. One thing that you did not
mention was if you had other children (I
am going to assume by the post you dont).
I dont want to say that you will not have
children however; since the earlier
pregnancies were terminated you do not
know if you were at risk to experience one
in the earlier pregancies therefor, please
do not be hard on yourself. I experiences
two miscarrages and I can understand what
you are feeling please dont give up hope.
Good Luck.
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