Depression Forum - Mother move in ?

Depression Forum - Mother move in ?

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Mother move in ?

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Depressedabouteverythng

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 1

Mother move in ? Posted: 03-08-08 21:04pm


Hi, I don't know if I have depression or what, but everything seems to be going wrong with me. My problem is: My mother has relied on all of her family to take her in and be her driver, landlord, and sole supporter for the last 10 years since my stepfather has passed away. I have tried everything to get her to be more independent, but I haven't had any luck. Recently my wife and I drove my mother to senior living facilities (not the assisited living kind, but the ones where the government subsidizes). After seeng all of them we decided to go get lunch and fill out the paperwork to apply. While at the table, she was filling out the paperwork and started to get upset because she was depressed about not seeing her grandchild anymore. I don't know what she is going through, but I think that she is becoming too dependent on others to be there for her. Don't get me wrong, but I gave up 3 years of my bachelor life to care for her and be there for her. I have finally found the woman of my dreams and thankfully I have been married to her for the past 6 years, but I feel that having my mother move in with us would ruin the beautiful things we have together. Am I being to hasty to assume that I am a bad son for not accepting her to live with me again?

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mominashoe

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Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 1558
Location: , USA

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Posted: 03-09-08 11:04am


Yes it would ruin your life. Don't let your mother play with your heart strings. Having her move in with you could (and I would rather put WILL) ruin your marriage. All because she is elsewhere doesn't mean that you can't visit from time to time. She is an adult, she can handle it. It's really sweet of you to be so concerned about your mom, but as long as she's provided for, she needs to realize that you have your own life to live....and so does your wife and any children.

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marvel

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Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 1081
Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)

Thanks: 45

Thanked:6

Posted: 03-09-08 16:36pm


I agree with mominashoe. There are better ways to show your mom that you love her besides letting her move in with you... It will put a large strain on your family... something that is pretty hard to bear. Doing this for her will probably make her happier in the long run. She'll be around people just like her... so she'll have more friends, more activities to partake in. She'll love it in the long run. It's scary at first, I can imagine, but she'll thank you for it down the road (provided you remain a large part of her life).

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PenguinsRus

Moderator

Joined: 05 Nov 2007
Posts: 1181
Location: New York, NY United States

Thanks: 28

Thanked:8

Posted: 03-11-08 14:35pm


I agree as well. I would not let your mother move in with you. It would just make things complicated. If she is in assisted living, you can still send her pictures and pay her visits so she can see her grandchildren. She will meet new people and get back on her feet and will thank you for it in the long run.

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lonely_guy_20

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 3
Location: ,

Posted: 03-14-08 04:42am


i don't my mom just passed away...spend as much time eith her as possible

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