I was new in a country and I met him in a
class, i was amazed by his work, his way
of thinking, his intelligence, his beauty,
his culture and how much we understand
each other. He was dragging me (that was
two years ago), he liked me... Then we
began to like each other so much then
loving each other (all that time he didn't
mention any word indicating that he's
stuck in a marriage)... One day i felt
that he changed a little bit and that was
the time he told me about his marriage. It
was a real shock for me... I was going to
die from it, I became sick... But he was
already in the bottom of my heart, and as
I hated him in this moment i was still
lovig him so much.
He loves me soo much also, (I always say
that he's the love of my life) I've never
met someone like him, we amazingly
understand each other.
I was still virgin when I met him, I was
keeping it for the very special one, and i
decided it to be with him. (that was
before I know that he's married).
Actually I'm sure you will all say, he's
soooo bad and mean...
yes sometime I think the same, but I still
love him.
He told me that he cannot leave her
because she owes him a lot, and if he
leaves her he will be disgrateful towards
her and her family who helped him a lot.
At the same time, we were still meeting
nearly everyday, I even got pregnant one
day and that made me more and more
attached to him.
2 months ago he was having some exams, and
i was having also some important exams,
and we were both very stressed. (when he's
stressed he likes to isolate himself but
i'm the opposite I like to be accainted
with the loved ones) and here came the
conflict. He couldn't handle my stress and
I went in a depression It was very hard
for me to deal with all that without him
by my side.... But I have to say that it
was just the COINCIDENCE.
After we finished our exams, i was waiting
for him to tell me that we're gonna have
fun and we can have a vacation or
whatever... But I realized that I put so
much pressure on him to the level he asked
me for some distance.
I gave him distance, and after 10 days he
came back to me. But it seems that the
pressure I put on him was too much. So we
are not meeting often now. And he started
to tell me that he's feeling guilty
towards his wife and blablabla... But
he's also very busy with many things. And
I understand that he's not meeting me
often because of the stuffs he's making
now.
I love him so much and i want him to
return like before. He doesn't love his
wife (otherwise he wouldn't cheat on her
for 2 years) but he's gratefull to her,
and that's also making me loving him more
and more.
please help me, how can he leave her? I
feel pitty to her, and I hate myself that
I'm in this situation. (actually i wanna
say that he only married her to get the
visa stuff and the allowance to stay in
this country) (but she helped him so much)
(and she loves him much, she never knew
he's cheating on her). I feel very bad
that I cannot leave him.
I'm a good person I really never meant to
hurt anybody, but the situation that he
lied to me and admitted after i was deeply
loving him. HE's not bad either, he wanted
to live the love with me (he's not that
old, I knew him he was 32).
He's really very kind and helpful all the
time.
Help me to have him.
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 795 Location: ,
Thanks: 66
Thanked:10
Posted: 07-09-08 00:18am
you should really get out of this...hes
MARRIED..and until he isn't married this
will never be a real relationship, you're
only kidding yourself...plus, they have a
chance to work this marriage out, and
honestly...ask yourself how would you feel
if you were in his wife's shoes...i'm not
by any means sticking up for this
"man"(what a man he is to be cheating on
his wife) but I'm just saying that staying
in the relationship is only going to cause
more heartache..plus..what makes you think
you're so special? lets say things do work
out, his wife and he get a divorce and you
two end up together...what makes you think
that for some reason he wont cheat on you?
Marriage didn't stop him before...he's
that kind of man..a man that can go behind
his wife, betray her and be with you..why
wouldn't he do it to you...he loves you
right? well..i'm sure at some point he
also loved his wife....you shouldnt' be
with him right now...if things are meant
to be then they're meant to be LATER..but
don't pressure him to end his marriage and
honestly..you should probably just end
this whole thing...quite frankly i'm
absolutely shocked it took you 2 years to
find out he was married...what did he say
he was doing in that spare time of his?
how did he hide this for so long? i just
can't understand...did you NEVER go to his
place? did you not find that odd? it just
seems like this would have come up MUCH
sooner
|
harmony1
Supporter
Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 389 Location: , Australia
Thanks: 28
Thanked:14
Posted: 07-09-08 00:31am
I don't usually write into this forum but
i saw your post and felt to.
I would get out of this situation real
quick if i were you.
So you're saying he's with her because he
got a visa by marrying her well if that
time is up and he is able permanently
stay in that country then there is nothing
stopping him from doing so. He can make
that choice but he hasn't. So what's that
telling you.
Look I'm sure he cares about you but do
you want to be with a man who cheats on
his wife. That is aweful. you don't want
to be that girl. I know where you are at,
i was there when i was younger too but it
was all about my insecurities. It's
nothing to be proud of.You know now and
you should really let him go and you know
what if he comes back to you later on then
it was meant to be(if he comes back
divorced that is)
|
lil_scorpio
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 61 Location: ,
Thanks: 2
Thanked:15
Posted: 07-09-08 01:14am
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he's
using you. It sounds like he used his wife
for a visa, etc. and that now he's using
you for love, affection, sex, etc. Just as
worrywart01 wrote, did you never go to his
place and how did he explain his being
away all the time? I am sorry to say it,
but I think he took advantage of a young
girl and that he KNEW what he was doing.
You need to realize that love isn't this
way, there is someone out there for you
that will NOT lie to you, that will want
only you. You don't want to be mixed up in
such a relationship as you are now. Let
him go. If he wanted you, he would have
left his wife by now. It's not gonna
happen. You need to respect yourself
enough to not be part of a "cheating"
relationship, and also, if this guy has
cheated on his wife for this long and he
ever left her for you, what makes you
think he wouldn't cheat on you?
|
meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2132 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Posted: 07-09-08 14:20pm
you started out in this relationship with
a lie. That should be enough to tell you
what you need to do. He isn't yours he
belongs to another women. And until he
doesn't you should have nothing more to do
with him.
|
Beline
Supporter
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 499 Location: , South Africa
Thanks: 131
Thanked:150
Posted: 07-10-08 00:57am
Sweetie, the responses you got here might
sound a little harsh but they are
definitely the truth. You need to break
this relationship off.
I know how hard it is to break up with
your first love. Hell, I’ve been there
myself. I can still remember the hurt.
It’s devastating, but you have to let
go.
This man is not going to commit to you. If
he was he would have done it ages ago.
He’s using you the same way he is using
his wife.
What happened with your pregnancy? Did he
ask you to have it terminated? I
wouldn’t be surprised.
You deserve a man that wants to be with
you. Always. Not just stolen moments at
his convenience.
Hang in there.
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eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
Thanks: 24
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-10-08 01:52am
Yes, he loves you, but he is not going to
leave his wife. As you said, that makes
him even more special. He is committed to
her, and it sounds as if he will never
leave her. It sounds like to me he has a
good heart, just can't leave the marriage
and hurt his wife. I honestly believe he
loves you very much, but he is already
committed. Walk away and try to get over
him. I know how hard that is. I just
wish he would have been honest with you
from the beginning. What did you do about
the pregnancy? Do you plan on contacting
the wife or just walking away. If you are
pregnant, you deserve some compensation,
even if it disrupts his life. That little
one, as well as you, will need financial
help. I am so sorry your heart is
breaking - there is nothing worse!
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 795 Location: ,
Thanks: 66
Thanked:10
Posted: 07-12-08 00:11am
He has a good
heart?......well..thats....quite an
interesting view...i would never consider
a guy that cheated on his wife for 2 years
to be a man "with a good heart"...thats a
BOY...not a man...a real man would stick
to the promise he made when he spoke his
vowels and NOT give in to any temptations
around..and he certainly wouldn't play
with another girls heart like he's doing
to this one....
|
Macias
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 50 Location: , Germany
Posted: 07-12-08 00:33am
Thank you all for your replies.
I just don't find words to say right now,
I'm feeling very bad.
Yes worrywart01 that's true he played with
my heart. But I don't wanna say that he's
using me.
But he was always sure of my love to him.
And also sure that I can never tell his
wife (because he knows how was I educated
- and that this is not something I can do
by anyway). I would suicide better.
Anyway now I'm trying to get some peace in
my life, trying to feel good (but I donno
how to do it right now).
I still have suicidal thoughts and sleep
disorder, but I'm always thinking about my
parents who are waiting to see me more and
more succesful, that's why I'm still
alive.
I guess also that it's a good progress for
me that I came on the forum and read your
replies.
Thank you again. If you have some solution
for the depression please tell me, and
please don't talk about him again, I need
peace.
Hugs
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 795 Location: ,
Thanks: 66
Thanked:10
Posted: 07-12-08 00:42am
Keep your head up! If you ever need to
talk you have people on here that will
listen! I log in at least once every other
day so feel free to PM me if you're feelin
down..i'm positive theres a SINGLE man out
there for you somewhere who will sweep you
off your feet and treat you like a
princess! It just takes time to find
him...i just think this relationship will
only cause you more heartache than its
worth
|
eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
Thanks: 24
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-12-08 23:10pm
Yes, I believe he has a kind heart or
macias would have never fallen in love
with him and it have lasted 2 years. I
believe he thought he was in love with his
wife and wanted to be in the states and
was so grateful to her that he married her
and will never leave her because of his
good heart, otherwise, as soon as the
papers were signed, he would have been
gone. Interesting view?? Well, that is my
view and you are entitled to your views.
I believe he loves marcias very much, but
there is little he can do because he does
have a kind heart.
I just read where she does not want anyone
to talk about him again, just help her
with her depression.
All I can tell you is that time heals all
wounds. Should you become severely
depressed, go to a local clinic for
antidepressants.
Most of all, do not have any contact with
him unless he is divorced - not separated
-DIVORCED!
|
worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 795 Location: ,
Thanks: 66
Thanked:10
Posted: 07-13-08 10:31am
I'm just trying to look from his wife's
point of view and from any womans point of
view..i mean how would she feel knowing he
cheated on her? To cheat on
someone..regardless of your situation..i
just think is wrong..period..point
blank..there is absolutely nothing that
can justify cheating in my opinion...no
matter how nice of a guy you are...you
cant get away with that sort of thing..you
know what you're doing..it is not ok,
thats the ultimate betrayal to me...and
i'm not saying this is her fault by any
means..absolutely not..it isn't like you
walked into the relationship KNOWING he
was married(like some women do...hmm..no
comment about that) ...anyway...this was
all him...BUT...now you(macias) need to
take this into your own hands now that you
do know and i agree with eeyore you should
cut off contact with him until he is a
single man..its really the best thing to
do
|
daley
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Sep 2005 Posts: 8
Posted: 07-23-08 09:50am
Okay so I think a big reason you feel
strongly for this guy is because he is/was
your first love and intimate experience.
It's unfortunate you found out he was
married after you two shared that special
moment, but you can share many other
moments with a man who can give himself to
you 100% - seriously!!! How great would
it be to have a relationship like this
one, but be able to have him all to
yourself and plan a future together??!!
You CAN'T do that with this guy, he is
married and it is WRONG, VERY WRONG!!!!!
Get out now!!!! How would you feel if
some mistress of two years tried to take
your dad away from your mom? This
inappropriate relationship can hurt many
people. Despite the adultery you became a
part of, you seem like a girl that has a
decent head on her shoulders - you just
got mixed up in a emotional rollercoaster
with the wrong guy. Seriously, do
yourself a favor and start dating other
men - I think the right guy is out there
for you and who knows - you might be
married yourself in a few years!!!!!
Don't continue to waste any more of these
precious years of your life on this guy.
Best of luck to you.
|
Sukki
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2008 Posts: 90
Thanks: 9
Thanked:2
Posted: 09-07-08 08:50am
How old are u actually?
Well actually I had a sexual affair with a
guy 10 yrs older than me (32 now, im 22)
when I was pissed off by my bf neglecting
me.. then i broke up with my bf and dated
him. but only after i had sex then i knew
the guy was divorced (separated for 2 yrs
and then considered divorce by law in my
country) and that he had a daughter.. i
was so silly to accept him in my life, he
was such a jerk that he evn blackmailed me
with 3gpp sex videos to get back wif him..
and he couldnt do anything that i wouldnt
reply his sms..
time is d best medicine..
but in another case i heard, of my friend,
he is involved in a relationship with a
woman who is married but her husband has a
gf. funny right? about both of them each
having respective partners.. without
divorcing
good luck in, getting the guy to divorce.
i feel bad that u gave ur virginity to him
and he kinda lied to u.. but girl, be
strong. if he really loves u, yes he will
divorce. what importance is a visa than a
girl he truly loves?
n btw, i had a sexual relationship later
on with a 29-yr old guy who had a gf of
4-5 years, but he seemed to have no fire
with the girl, i dont know what was wrong,
he said he loved me but i dont actually
have the feeling, but everytime he touched
me i felt horny. couldnt control myself,
but in no time i met this guy in my class
who liked me very much, and so i didnt
bother much about the 29 yr old man.
It was very hard
for me to deal with all that without him
by my side.... But I have to say that it
was just the COINCIDENCE.
