new to Bipolar

hey pugs... can i cally you that? welcome! this is a great forum.

i just recently accepted my bp illness after ten years of being diagnosed with bp. i am 33 and essentially new to bp, too. although my eldest brother has had bp 2 since he was a child. he is amazing. he's and inventor and artist. mental illness and artists run in my family. i'm a web/graphic designer/fine artist.

the meds... i started off on lamictal and seroquel. i took 600 mg of seroquel and 200 mg of lamictal daily. the seroquel really screwed me. i couldn't function. i still feel like i'm not functioning up to my expectations. i gained 20 lbs in a very short time. but i also had major surgery during my darkest hour thus far. now, i take abilify at night in place of seroquel. this is, as far as i can tell, the right cocktail for me. though i'm in a doubting phase about it all!

i have no children and my husband and i desperately want one. i tried to come off my meds (lamictal classC) but i immediately started to go down the wrong path mentally. i was... very sick for a long time previous to this. the surgery i referred to earlier was fertility surgery. i was infertile and had a 6cm x 6cm fibroid/tumor, scar tissue and capped tubes on the fimbrea ends for a long time. but i never went to the doctor about my pain through college. lots of bills and not enough money.

anyways, blah blah blah

puzzld

Hi.. thanks for the reply. With the Seroquel how fast did you gain weight. I have only been on it for a couple days but I feel kindof funny. Forgetting things.. I feel depressed about the surgery even though I know it's the right thing for me..

i gained the weight within a few months or less. my eating habits changed somewhat. i did eat more but not a significant amount. it's normal to feel weird at first. you have to give it some time to get into your system. seroquel might work for you. it's difficult finding the right meds and dose.

puzzld

i forgot.. regarding your surgery. with or with out bp illness, most people would be depressed on some level. how depressed are you? do you think your depression is situational? best to you

puzzld

I feel my depression is normal. I just came down off a high time so I'm feeling alittle blah.. Don't want to do my walking to tired for anything really.My pdoc said it's normal after a high time. Is that called a manic time? My mom is on me because I'm not acting all happy and hyper. I tried to tell her being like that isn't good either. But she's a mom and thinks she knows everything lol..

it's called mania or manic episode. i take it you are functioning enough then? that is great. i'm tired a lot, too. i go to work and by the end of the day i'm worn slap out. but my lifestyle could be much better. i smoke, drink and don't exercise. but i eat healthy...

Five of my six siblings are suffering from symptoms that resemble akathisia and tardive dyskinesia.
They are all but completely incapacitated.
One is in a nursing home and another had a brain-bleeding that put her in a coma.
She has also grown a bit obese.

My sister and I are the only ones who have never used medications, and neither of us have any symptoms.

I don’t know when they started taking drugs, but for at least two of them, it was long before the introduction of SSRIs in the 80s.
My youngest brother started out on Ritalin as a child.
I don’t think there has been a single day in at the past 30 years that they have not been taking drugs.

I have been looking into it and have found many studies showing that mood stabilizers like depakote can reduce motivation, put folks out of touch with intuitive senses and cause them to feel aloof.
“Aloof” is almost an understatement because for years my sister and I have been watching our other siblings drift away as if they were trapped on broken arctic ice.

Any suggestion that their medications might be the cause of their symptoms has always been met with reactions similar to throwing holy water on a demon.
Because their senses were numbed, the emotional estrangement was tolerable – hence, they drifted deeper and deeper into their malaise.

Many of the studies I read also show that taking neuroleptics is like giving oneself a chemical lobotomy.
I just wonder if they took the drugs for so long to treat psychiatric symptoms, or to stoke the flames of addiction.
I have also wondered over the years how they can be inspired to just try getting off the drugs and give non-chemical soulutions a chance.

My sister and I have always had faith in God and spiritual development, so we never felt the need to engage is chemical compromises.



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hi and welcome!

the meds definitely come with a down side. but the alternative, for me, is unbearable pain and suffering. i tried for a long time without meds and i eventually snapped in a way that i couldn't hide it anymore. my brain and body just broke one day. long story short, i ended up catatonic for several hours. my husband was so distraught when he rushed home from work that he called my parents over. at one point, i almost choked on my own saliva bc they laid me down on our sofa. i was sitting up leaning my head to the side so my saliva could run out of my mouth. i was... gone emotionally, mentally and physically. i think people take meds for different reasons. one of which is bc they think they need them when they could go it alone. for me, it's hard to stay medicated but i continue taking them bc of the alternative. are you bp?

Puzzld, those sound like some very painful and challenging moods and physical symptoms to have to deal with.
I can’t even start to imagine how that feels.

Was the catatonic state you experienced manic or depressive?
Were you being treated for anything prior to your bp diagnosis?

If alternating states of passion and discouragement can be defined as bp, then yes, I reckon I am.

I guess it just depends on how I define my experiences.