My girlfriend just told me that she
believes sex and love can be unrelated and
she wants to be able to have sex with
people she knows a la casual encounter.
She says because she considers it fun.
I want a monogamous relationship, but I
told her I would be willing to have extra
partners brought in from time to time for
her. But this wasn't good enough. I love
her and I really want to stay together
with her.
When she told me about this I became
extremely jealous. I did some research
online and found a site about this sort of
thing and it said that my jealousy would
be the main problem for this to work.
It said I should visualize the encounters
she would be having with other people and
identify the parts that make me jealous.
I did that and I recognize that there are
multiple parts of the act that make me
jealous.
We love each other, and I don't want this
to break us apart, is their any advice you
guys could provide?
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worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 695 Location: ,
Thanks: 64
Thanked:7
Posted: 05-20-08 15:23pm
either she respect the fact that you dont
care to share her or the relationship
probably wont work out...tell her you're
not ok with it...and you guys will have to
talk about where to go from there...
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1136 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 17
Thanked:7
Posted: 05-21-08 09:25am
You want one thing and she wants another.
Can you meet her halfway? Can she meet you
halfway?
You know you want a monogamous
relationship and that you love her. How
will you ever be ok with her being with
someone else? Whether you compromise and
agree on terms of a new relationship, you
will still feel the same. That just doesnt
change. I would go with your first
instinct and talk to her one more time. If
she still insists on an open relationship
then maybe you should rethink being with
her. I know it will be hard because you
love her. But it would be easier to let
her go than to go through pain and
jealousy while trying to make her happy.
Bottom line-you both need to want the same
things
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rooted
Supporter
Joined: 22 Mar 2007 Posts: 1101
Thanks: 31
Thanked:2
Posted: 07-15-08 13:08pm
Some people may not be made for monogamy.
That much seems true from history. I
don't think that JEALOUSY is the issue as
much as commitment. I think that she
might fear staying with one person as an
end to her sexuality. You shouldn't be
the only one to be required to explore
your innermost feelings. She should also
consider what would happen if she "turned
off the pipes" for other people sexually.
This is not something I'm interested
in...and I would never allow it to happen.
Has she expressed a SERIOUS desire to do
this? Or, just something she's playing
with?
I dunno...personally, I'd stop that train
before it left the station and say NO WAY
JOSE!
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worrywart01
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 695 Location: ,
Thanks: 64
Thanked:7
Posted: 07-17-08 23:15pm
an open relationship to me is not a
serious relationship...in my world theres
no such thing..either your with ME...and
ONLY me...or we aren't together...bc i'm
not catching whatever you get by screwing
around
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rooted
Supporter
Joined: 22 Mar 2007 Posts: 1101
Thanks: 31
Thanked:2
Posted: 07-18-08 05:49am
You know, I tend to feel this way, too. I
think I feel mature enough to stay with
one person and work on our personal,
individual issues together. We are all
mirror for one another. There's just too
much complexity when you involve too many
people. But then again, I just might like
a little attachment.
