Over my family

My family has been pretty disfunctional since I can remember, many nights of Alcohol induced anger ensued over years.

My mother has alot of childhood issues, when she drinks she releases the demons and turns into a totally different person. her face changes and her tone and the things she says are all wrong, she starts arguments and has to be right all the time, and often plays strange little mind games, the next morning its all apologies and hugs from every direction.

My father also has his share of childhood issues, and he runs a big business, he has alot of stress on his plate, and in turn he has little patience. He tries to keep composure, but too many times I've seen him lose his cool because of alcohol or a hangover. hes very inactive and has alot of paranoia. I didnt spend alot of time with him growing up. and I didnt really learn much from him in the regards of mechanics and so forth, because he knew nothing. He forced me to do Navy Cadets for years, and the only time we would interact would be thru cadets. and It was never positive, I was always doing it something up or being useless in his eyes. He grew extremely aggressive towards me as a teenager, blaming me for things i wasnt even doing wrong. I saw my older sister go thru the same as a teen, she dealt with it thru hostility, I decided I wouldnt follow her path, but I eventually walked that path when I hit 17.

Mum used to get extremely drunk with dad, and then she'd wire him up. hed lose his cool and take it out on us, physically and verbally. he was a rather intimidating figure and used to threaten us with all sorts of things. He often told me I was going to be nothing more than a ditch digger or a till pusher, and He hated the fact I listened to heavy metal. He often threw my Posters or Band Tshirts away because they annoyed him. he had a strange fixation on me being a drug user, I wasnt at the time, but I decided Id do them just to piss him off.

It got to the point where I stopped caring about everything, my parents marriage was on its last legs, and one night i decided Id stand up to their caca, this ended with me being kicked out and chased down the street. I could hear my dad screaming my name followed by threats whilst i hid in my neighbours yard. frightening.

anyhow a week or so later I moved back in, and was told I was nothing more than a loser, drop kick and etc so forth by my father, and that he didnt want anything to do with me, but i was still allowed to live under his roof.

I will continue this later, I dont really feel like talking about ALL of IT just now. but this place looks like a good place to vent.