Parents who don't love their children Posted: 03-18-08 14:17pm
Occasionally during a conversation, such
as one would have on a forum like this, in
any given thread, a parent will discuss
his or her children with a certain amount
of disdain. Normally when I encounter
something of this nature, my first
reaction is denial. I think to myself,
"Maybe I misread that?"
Has anybody else ever gotten this feeling?
That while a parent is writing about
their problem with their child, that it
seems as if the parent does not really
like that child? It seems to occur often
in threads about spanking/hitting or
discipline, but maybe that is just the
nature of the topic.
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Lilly Ivy
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Posted: 03-20-08 21:03pm
Depending on the situation (or topic)
peoples moods change. I know sometimes I
can say I absolutely love my family, but
also at times hate them. So when you throw
a topic at me about something 'bad' I'm
gonna think of a situation where I was in
the hatred mood. And vise versa for a good
topic.
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Jules
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Posted: 03-21-08 01:35am
Agreed Lilly.
I love my son with all my heart and would
die for him but will readily admit he can
a right little pain in the butt at times
lol! I'm glad when I hear parents
being honest and not pretending that they
never get cross with their children, that
their children never make them want to run
screaming for the nearest bus outta town!
That's the reality of parenthood;
sometimes it's bloody hard!
It doesn't mean we don't love our children
or that we would hurt them or that we
regret having them; just that we're human
beings who are doing the hardest job in
the world the best we can.
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alziluth
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Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 10
Posted: 03-22-08 23:21pm
Step parents sometimes don't love their
step children. My step mother was one of
these.
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Lilly Ivy
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Posted: 03-24-08 02:50am
My stepmother was the reason we were
ripped from my mother and halfway through
a school year, then she got sick of us and
were ripped out of another school to go
back to my mother.
I know first hand it's hard to love
someone that deeply that someone else
raised, but you can do your best. I'm
trying my hardest with my stepson and I
truly love him to death. He's a 9 year old
little hellian at times, but he just melts
my heart and knows I'm his new mommy. It's
a little easier with him because I don't
have another woman competing with me.
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Beline
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Posted: 04-09-08 15:14pm
Some people were just not meant to be
parents. I’m one of those. Ever since I
can remember I never wanted to reproduce.
Just the thought of having to share my
body with something else repulsed me. And
once the baby’s born, you need to have a
toothless, drooling little mouth latch on
to your body on very private parts.
By the time I reached high school I
couldn’t bare being near a pregnant
woman. I felt like I would ‘catch it’
like a virus. My heart raced, my palms got
sweaty, and sometimes I felt nauseous.
Cognitively I knew that it was ridiculous,
but I wouldn’t get into a lift with a
pregnant woman.
By the time I was 20 I was diagnosed with
PCOS syndrome. It was the happiest day of
my life. The doctor warned that we needed
to regulate my period, but I refused. I
only had my period every 18-24 months, and
being declared virtually infertile was the
best news I ever had.
A couple of years ago I changed my diet to
eating only raw food. Seven months later I
fell pregnant, but I only found out at 13
weeks. My husband refused to let me have
an abortion, or to let the baby be
adopted. Two suicide attempts later I was
hospitalized and drugged until I told them
I changed my mind.
I started pleading with God (I wasn’t
religious, but I was desperate) to let me
have a miscarriage, and when that didn’t
happen, I pleaded for something to go
wrong with the delivery. That didn’t
happen either. Then I begged for cot
death.
By the time my daughter was a year old I
realized that she was going to die, and I
needed to deal with it. I divorced her
father a year later, and for some reason
l’Chante slept through that night. (It
was the first time ever)
Not being sleep deprived helped a lot.
Lol. I adamantly worked on changing my
mindset, trying to see her as my daughter
and not something that invaded my life,
and ruined my career. It took forever, but
I am now at a point were I can say that I
truly love my daughter.
If I could go back in time, would I do it
again? Tough question. I don’t know, and
I try not to entertain the thought. She
has been diagnosed with a disorder, and we
go to speech- and occupational therapy
together. We do the homework together. We
play outside, build puzzles, swim, run,
sing songs, swing, make jelly, have tea
parties. It’s nice, but sometimes I
still cry myself to sleep.
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gobbledygook
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Joined: 10 Apr 2008 Posts: 21
Posted: 04-11-08 10:49am
That is an amazing story. I'm glad you
two are ok now.
Husband's can't actually force you to
have a baby though, right? In the U.S. I
mean?
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Beline
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Posted: 04-11-08 14:03pm
Sorry, Love. I’m not clued up with the
American law system.
But since I was married to Satan’s
P.R.O., abortion was out of the question
anyway, because HE wanted the baby. And he
kept on saying things like: ‘You have
the baby, and I’ll raise it. Ha!
Haven’t seen him since the divorce.
But love, I’ve learnt, is an attitude
and a mindset more than it is an emotion.
A lot of damage has been done to a little
girl who had no part in the mistakes her
parents made, and trying to correct it is
hard, it takes a lot of time, and even
more patients.
But I’m giving it my all.
I would like to give her the same
background, security and stability that I
enjoyed as a child. Thus far I messed up
badly. But life is about choice as I
always say.
I chose to make it work, and I chose to
undo the damage that I’ve done
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gobbledygook
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Joined: 10 Apr 2008 Posts: 21
Posted: 04-11-08 14:23pm
I think you sound like like a fine mother.
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Beline
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Posted: 04-11-08 15:05pm
Thank you so much, Gobbledygook. I just
get frustrated sometimes that it doesn't
come naturally to me like it does for
other woman.
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Mommy35
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Posted: 04-18-08 19:53pm
That is an amazing story Beline! I'm glad
everything has turned out so well for you
and your daughter.
Everybody gets frustrated at one time or
another and that is normal. Anyone that
says they have never been frustrated isn't
being truthful. IMO It's how some people
act out their frustration that isn't okay.
I love my daughter with everything I have
in me, but at more than one point in my
life I know I'm sure I talked about her
with disdain in my voice too. Teenagers
are difficult! LOL
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Beline
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Posted: 04-22-08 15:21pm
Oh, my greatness! We just worked through
the terrible two’s and you are talking
teenagers! Lol.
No, actually she is a very easy little
thing to get along with. Well mannered,
with a lovely disposition. Very nurturing.
Too nurturing. If I want to lie down
outside to tan a bit, she rushes inside to
get me a ‘blankie’ and a pillow.
South Africa is hot enough in the sun as
it is. You do not want to be covered with
a ‘blankie’. But it is sweet though.
Hot, but sweet.
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mamaTT
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Posted: 05-27-08 13:52pm
alziluth
wrote:
Step parents sometimes don't
love their step children. My step mother
was one of
these.
Sometimes, it is much harder to love a
stepchild than a child of your own. I
have a 13 year old stepson and a 5 year
old stepdaughter. After 4 years of being
in their lives, my stepson has decided to
hate me. It's hard to love someone that
tells horrible stories about you that
aren't true. Everything is my fault; even
if it's something that his Dad did or
didn't do. I try my hardest to do right
by him, but no matter what I do it's just
not good enough. It's very difficult to
love someone that thinks you are the evil,
wicked witch.
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diamondsz
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Posted: 06-18-08 08:15am
Beline thanks for sharing, that was
amazing!
Wow I think all of us actually feel the
same or similar, I had a harder time
bonding with my daughter, I resented her
at first, everyone was trying to force me
to breastfeed her. Everyone was trying to
force me to breastfeed her and I didnt
want to, so I walked out one day and well
from that day on formula became her diet.
Now my Son was unplanned but I had more
with him and enjoyed the pregnancy more
than I did with her, he came out and I am
still very attached to him as he is with
me.
I am still distant with my daughter but I
try, I have no patience for the whining
etc...
