At the time of
the thirtieth anniversary of the Roe vs.
Wade decision, it seemed that the
"pro-lifers" (or, as we like to call them,
anti-choicers) were gaining the upper hand
when it comes to attention, and it
continues to go that way. If you watched
TV at all on January 22, 2003, all you
seemed to see was some anti-choicer
foaming at the mouth about all the
"innocent babies that have been
slaughtered. When you did see someone
expressing a pro-choice opinion, which
wasn't often, that person was often
apologetic, implying that women who choose
to undergo an abortion are guilt-ridden
for the rest of their lives. If you surf
the Internet, you'll find literally dozens
of sites filled with stories about bad
abortion experiences. The stories all have
a sameness--"oh, I didn't want to kill my
baby, my mean old
boyfriend/husband/parents made me do it
and the doctors and nurses at the clinic
were rude and I bled for weeks and I feel
so guilty and I'll never be able to
forgive myself." Type in "pro-abortion
stories" in your search engine and you'll
find ... the same sites, because there are
no such sites. Of course, there are a lot
of women who do feel sadness and regret
after an abortion, and those feelings do
need to be respected.
However, there are women, perhaps just as
many or more, who have much different
feelings--feelings of relief, of
conviction that they made the right
decision, yes, maybe even of joy. They
have no regrets or remorse. They don't get
bummed out on the anniversary of the
procedure; they don't look longingly at a
kid playing and think that their fetus
would be that old by now. They recovered
from the procedure easily and got on with
their lives. Those feelings need to be
respected as well--but they're not. If a
woman dares to say in public that she felt
anything other than horrible about getting
an abortion, she is treated like someone
who says that maybe Osama bin Laden isn't
such a bad guy after all or that Hitler
had the right idea. Even many in the
pro-choice movement subtly encourage the
mindset that no decent woman really wants
an abortion and that it's done only when
there's no other alternative.
I'mNotSorry.net was created for the
purpose of showing women that exercising
their legal right to terminate their
pregnancy is not the blood-spattered guilt
trip so many make it out to be. It is not
intended to make women's decisions for
them, but to provide information to make
the choice that will be best for them.
This site exists to tell women that it's
okay not to feel sad or ashamed after an
abortion. You are not a baby killer. You
are not irresponsible. You are not
selfish. And, above all, you are not
evil.
I made the right choice when I had an
abortion, it was responsible and I am
thankful I was allowed to make that
decision. I do not (and have never)
regretted it
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 05-29-08 08:45am
I wanted to rephrase my post I havent been
editing my posts oops...
I had an abortion at 17, the guy I was
with pulled his condom off while we were
having sex because he couldnt feel
nothing, although he asked over and over
and I said no. I was also on medications
for depression, I didnt have but it was an
easy way to shut me up because people dont
want to deal with the root of the
problem.
I was made to feel guilty about my choice
and therefore never told anyone although I
dont regret it one bit. After having it
done I felt relieved and felt like someone
had taken weights of my shoulders but I
dont think anyone should be made to feel
bad for their choices.
I, too, made the right decision and thank
my lucky stars I was able to make a
choice.
|
Darkmoon
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2007 Posts: 374 Location: ,
Thanks: 69
Thanked:43
Posted: 05-29-08 22:48pm
I wonder if some of the "guilt" women are
alleged to feel after aborting is brought
about by society shaming them into feeling
guilt. In which case, they're feeling
guilt for not feeling guilt over the
decision or they are compelled to feel
guilty just as they were compelled to
abort.
I have never personally met a single woman
that felt guilty for electively aborting
(aka aborting purely out of choice
regardless of other's wishes), and I know
a lot of them. I've met a few that caved
in to someone else's demands and feel
guilty for it and I know some that suffer
guilt for miscarrying or aborting for
medical reasons. It seems to me that
women feel the most guilt for situations
that are beyond their control or feel like
they're beyond their control. Women that
keep control over their choices and
options regardless of opposition more
often than not display a sense of
empowerment and confidence.
you have the right thought, some women are
guilted into feeling guilty. I was one of
those women at one time, especially when I
came here, and pro-life people (the
ignorant ones) would come here and spout
hateful and horribly innaccurate things
about the characters of women who aborted.
I couldn't help but take those things
personally. People like you, birch, moo,
carifairy, etc helped me to regain my
confidence, and I heal a little better
each day. It just saddens me that people
are so quick to judge and stereotype.
I've never personally met anyone who felt
guilty either
I wish I could say that surprises or
shocks me amino, but it doesn't. Even
women that openly express regret for
abortions (usually those that were
pressured or coerced rather than those
that chose of their own volition) are
often met with insults and character
assassination by hardcore prolifers.
I'm glad that you made your choice and
recognize it as such, and that you are
recovering in the best way that you can.
You are who you are and you are an adult
woman, not a child that needs others to
hold your hand. It's difficult when the
world wants to turn you into either an
infant or a villain. You're neither.
Kudos to you for realizing that and I hope
that all of your decisions in the future
are equally based on YOUR situation rather
than the situation of others.
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 06-02-08 07:33am
amino65
wrote:
Darkmoon,
you have the right thought, some women are
guilted into feeling guilty. I was one of
those women at one time, especially when I
came here, and pro-life people (the
ignorant ones) would come here and spout
hateful and horribly innaccurate things
about the characters of women who aborted.
I couldn't help but take those things
personally. People like you, birch, moo,
carifairy, etc helped me to regain my
confidence, and I heal a little better
each day. It just saddens me that people
are so quick to judge and stereotype.
I've never personally met anyone who felt
guilty either
You make a really good point!!!!!!
We are made to feel horrible about what we
did because it felt so good it is almost
like our feelings are not allowed, we are
not allowed to express ourselves within a
certain way.
Its funny I wasn't a promiscuous person
and neither half the people I know, who
had an abortion, I hate the way they judge
and like you it took alot of years for me
to be where I am, it built my character
and I would never go back, no regrets.
It will only get better and it will get
to a point you will see through some
things! Good luck!
|
aochriss
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 422
Thanks: 71
Thanked:117
Posted: 06-02-08 07:42am
Moo
wrote:
I made the right choice when
I had an abortion, it was responsible and
I am thankful I was allowed to make that
decision. I do not (and have never)
regretted it
Ditto.
|
alakai
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2008 Posts: 7
Just don't think people are perpared for the aftermath Posted: 08-17-08 10:25am
I have been in the situation of having an
abortion, and I'm 41 now. Over the years
I've known many others who have chosen
abortion too. Yes, I have a wonderful
adult daughter and a happy family, but
have never met anyone who was glad they
had chosen an abortion, and I've known a
lot of people. You have feelings and
thoughts that come back to you many years
later.
|
oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1250 Location: ,
Thanks: 42
Thanked:2
Re: Just don't think people are perpared for the aftermath Posted: 08-17-08 12:12pm
alakai
wrote:
I have been in the situation
of having an abortion, and I'm 41 now.
Over the years I've known many others who
have chosen abortion too. Yes, I have a
wonderful adult daughter and a happy
family, but have never met anyone who was
glad they had chosen an abortion, and I've
known a lot of people. You have feelings
and thoughts that come back to you many
years later.
Well, my sister who is now 46 I know
thanks the medical profession every day
that when she had her ultrasound after her
birth control malfunction, she found out
in time that the fetus was hydrocephalic
and would be severely disabled. She had an
abortion and there is absolutely no way
she's unhappy that she hasn't been saddled
with a disabled child she never wanted.
|
oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1250 Location: ,
Thanks: 42
Thanked:2
Re: Just don't think people are perpared for the aftermath Posted: 08-17-08 12:12pm
alakai
wrote:
I have been in the situation
of having an abortion, and I'm 41 now.
Over the years I've known many others who
have chosen abortion too. Yes, I have a
wonderful adult daughter and a happy
family, but have never met anyone who was
glad they had chosen an abortion, and I've
known a lot of people. You have feelings
and thoughts that come back to you many
years later.
Well, my sister who is now 46 I know
thanks the medical profession every day
that when she had her ultrasound after her
birth control malfunction, she found out
in time that the fetus was hydrocephalic
and would be severely disabled. She had an
abortion and there is absolutely no way
she's unhappy that she hasn't been saddled
with a disabled child she never wanted.
|
motherofhighspiritedones
Supporter
Joined: 16 May 2008 Posts: 317 Location: Silverdale, WA United States
Thanks: 62
Thanked:14
Posted: 08-17-08 16:41pm
I personally never had an abortion but my
little sister did. Hardcore prolifers were
all around the clinic in her face. Little
did they know that she had gone in for an
u/s and they found the fetus to be
anencephalic(no brain) and acardic(no
heart). She does not regret aborting
because to carry the fetus to term and
deal with the actual short life it would
have lived and then deal with its death
would be way more traumatic.
|
Few
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2008 Posts: 147
Thanks: 2
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-17-08 22:06pm
you shouldn't throw the baby out with the
bath water
|
Zygote
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2008 Posts: 13
Posted: 08-17-08 22:35pm
a vast majority of the people killed with
abortion are perfectly normal.
|
arlingtonspride
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2008 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-19-08 13:00pm
Darkmoon
wrote:
I wish I could say that
surprises or shocks me amino, but it
doesn't. Even women that openly express
regret for abortions (usually those that
were pressured or coerced rather than
those that chose of their own volition)
are often met with insults and character
assassination by hardcore prolifers.
I'm glad that you made your choice and
recognize it as such, and that you are
recovering in the best way that you can.
You are who you are and you are an adult
woman, not a child that needs others to
hold your hand. It's difficult when the
world wants to turn you into either an
infant or a villain. You're neither.
Kudos to you for realizing that and I hope
that all of your decisions in the future
are equally based on YOUR situation rather
than the situation of
others.
I personally have called a
hotline.....thinking i was objective....i
was completely wrong. she guilted me and
guilted me saying she almost killed
herself afterwards ect.
I know abortion is the right thing, and
when i looked for help and support all i
found was things/people saying i am going
to be a murderer, until i came here and
read these posts.
I have the support of my fiance, my
mother, and i, myself believe its the
right choice.......but i can't help
feeling scared and that i should be
guilty
i am 4 weeks along and next week im
scheduled for a medical abortion
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3943 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 121
Thanked:12
Posted: 08-19-08 17:17pm
I would reconsider the medical abortion in
favor of a surgical abortion. Medical
abortion is not proven as safe and
effective as medical.
Plus, surgical abortion is a quick
procedure and you are finished.
There is a user named Carifairy here who
works as an RN in a clinic. If you send
her a privatemessage she may discuss this
more with you.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2462 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 08-19-08 18:18pm
motherofhighspiritedones
wrote:
I personally never had an
abortion but my little sister did.
Hardcore prolifers were all around the
clinic in her face. Little did they know
that she had gone in for an u/s and they
found the fetus to be anencephalic(no
brain) and acardic(no heart). She does not
regret aborting because to carry the fetus
to term and deal with the actual short
life it would have lived and then deal
with its death would be way more
traumatic.
I would have an abortion if that where the
case for me too. Those are medically
necessary abortions. The abortions in
question are the social abortions where
mother and baby are healthy. This are over
90% of all abortions.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2462 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Re: Just don't think people are perpared for the aftermath Posted: 08-19-08 18:19pm
oopoopoop
wrote:
alakai
wrote:
I have been in the situation
of having an abortion, and I'm 41 now.
Over the years I've known many others who
have chosen abortion too. Yes, I have a
wonderful adult daughter and a happy
family, but have never met anyone who was
glad they had chosen an abortion, and I've
known a lot of people. You have feelings
and thoughts that come back to you many
years later.
Well, my sister who is now 46 I know
thanks the medical profession every day
that when she had her ultrasound after her
birth control malfunction, she found out
in time that the fetus was hydrocephalic
and would be severely disabled. She had an
abortion and there is absolutely no way
she's unhappy that she hasn't been saddled
with a disabled child she never
wanted.
Same comment applies. This is medically
necessary abortion, not a social
abortion.
|
oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1250 Location: ,
Thanks: 42
Thanked:2
Re: Just don't think people are perpared for the aftermath Posted: 08-20-08 08:50am
nightangel73
wrote:
oopoopoop
wrote:
thanks the medical
profession every day that when she had her
ultrasound after her birth control
malfunction, she found out in time that
the fetus was hydrocephalic and would be
severely disabled. She had an abortion and
there is absolutely no way she's unhappy
that she hasn't been saddled with a
disabled child she never
wanted.
Same comment applies. This is medically
necessary abortion, not a social
abortion.
You are right of course -- and I know she
wouldn't have had the abortion otherwise,
even though she was single and broke
(actually, she wasn't exactly single --
she'd broken up with the boyfriend before
finding out she was pregnant, and he was
absolutely desperate for her to keep it,
because he wanted to be a daddy). My
sister is pro-choice, but there was no
particular reason for her not to have a
child. (So just proof that someone can be
pro-choice, and have an unplanned and
extremely inconvenient pregnancy, and
still not decide to have an abortion!)
But don't forget there are also huge
numbers of anti-choicers who would ban
abortion even if there is a risk of
serious disability. You may not be one of
them, but you know they exist.
