I was 20 days late and I suddenly started
getting severe nausea accompanied with
occasional vomiting. I thought I had a
stomach bug that was going around, but
when my mother suggested the idea that I
might be pregnant, I realized that
everything was leaning in that very
direction.
I was scared that I was, and my boyfriend
of 2 years came over with a pregnancy
test.
There were two in the box, and they were
both positive. At first I screamed... I
thought my life was over. I thought about
the financial responsibility and how I
haven't even started college, I thought
about how scary it would be to tell my
parents, and then the realization hit me
that I had taken a day after pill called
plan b at the beginning of May.
My boyfriend and I made the decision to
keep it, but I don't think I can bear it
if it comes out retarded. I just don't
think I am grown up enough to bring myself
to deal with that kind of lifelong
commitment. I know that having a baby is
lifelong, but having a mentally ill baby
is having a two year old for the rest of
your life.
Either way, I am going to planned
parenthood today to get a professional
pregnancy test to see how far along I am.
I just need advice, both medical and
personal, and most of all I need support.
If there is anyone in my situation that
could help in anyway, advice is seriously
strongly accepted.
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 05-30-08 09:44am
First off, that is a horrible thing to
say:
"i dont think i can bear it if it comes
out retarded" How could you say something
like that? If thats how you feel thats ok,
but why would you say something like that?
Just so you know, at the 12 week screening
they look to see if your baby has any
problems and you can choose to continue
with the pregnancy or not...but that is
disgusting to say.
If you dont think your grown up enough,
why keep the baby in the first place? Why
not give him or her up for adoption.
If you got 2 positive pregnancy tests, go
to your doctor.
Why would you think and talk that way
about an innocent life?
My doctor told me that health defects like
downs syndrome, autism, spinal bifida etc.
are less common with pregnancies at young
ages, the chances are like 100-600,000 or
so. doesnt mean that they dont happen
sometimes but the chances are slim.
And you should not use such a word like
retarded.
|
daslautlacht
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2008 Posts: 16
Posted: 05-30-08 09:55am
I apologize for using that word, the
connotation was that it would be mentally
ill; it was not meant to be derogatory.
I just cannot bear to birth a child that
is mentally disabled on my account. I took
a DAY AFTER PILL!!! I have no idea what
kind of effects that will have on the
child I am currently carrying and I am
scared that it is a responsibility that
will be extremely difficult to carry. Then
again, I know that my underaged sexual
activity has consequences and I will try
to bear them as maturely as possible.
However, the question lies within the fear
I stated, which is "Will the Plan B
contraceptive adversely effect my baby?"
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 05-30-08 09:59am
When did you have sex, did you take it
within the instructed time period?
The day after pill is just hormones, there
shouldnt be any serious damage done.
But since you got two positive pregnancy
tests, you should go to your doctors
office to get a urine test and blood test
done and to find out your due date.
You can also ask them if Plan B would have
any effects to the baby, and they would
answer your questions.
|
Maddie34
Supporter
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1450 Location: ,
Thanks: 69
Thanked:16
Posted: 05-30-08 14:28pm
Plan B has no negative effect on a baby.
It only prevents pregnancy and its
specifically made for emergency
situations, if conception already happened
then there is no side effect on an
existing baby.
Good luck daslautlacht!
|
manuftw82
Supporter
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 364 Location: Vestal/LI, NY USA
Thanks: 7
Thanked:3
Posted: 05-30-08 19:28pm
You should go to the doctor! And don't
worry about things you have no control
over. Stress isn't good for you.
|
Idony
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1611 Location: virginia beach, va usa
Thanks: 11
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-30-08 20:48pm
krystine, chill, so she used the word
retarded, its not like shes calling you
retarded or anyone else for that matter,
you shouldnt make her feel bad for a
poorly chosen word
OP everything i know suggests your baby
will be fine, but i can look it up
tomarrow afternoon if youd like and get
back to you with solid facts (my daughters
bday party is tomarrow) i also got
pregnant at 17, had my daughter at 18, if
you need to talk we'll be here for you
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3762 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 80
Thanked:66
Posted: 05-31-08 03:35am
OP, don't panic - it's very natural that
you're worried about your baby being
disabled in some way and I think there's
not one woman who hasn't wondered how
she'd cope if her baby was unwell.
That said, I don't think you've got
anything to worry about. I had a friend
who took the morning after pill while
pregnant too and her child is fine. Also,
it's not unheard of for women to continue
taking the birth control pill while they
are unknowingly pregnant. Compared to
smoking, drinking alcohol and using
illegal drugs your risks are minimal.
Good luck and please keep us posted about
your scan!
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 05-31-08 08:37am
i just said she should choose a word other
than that because some could get offended
by it.
so chill.
i didnt say anything rude, just told her
some may take offense to what she had
posted...
|
daslautlacht
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2008 Posts: 16
Posted: 05-31-08 09:07am
My boyfriend didn't pull out while I
thought I was ovulating, so the day after
that we went and got plan b. I
accidentally took the second pill first,
but the pharmacist said that both of the
pills were the same and that it wouldn't
make a difference, but I was still
skeptical. Now, I am pregnant...
Besides the risk of my infant becoming
somehow disabled, I am also worried about
whether or not I am up to the task of
raising it. I have a lot of plans for the
future and I am SO SO scared that this
will halt everything. I am so scared to
tell my parents because they hate me and
we have had problems with physical abuse,
but I'm more scared to break the news to
my boyfriends parents as they have done
everything they could to help me and
support me and be there for me as if I was
their daughter. It's hard to break the
news that I have gone past the taboo for
social standards, but then again I realize
that my purpose is to continue populating
the earth and that I have merely joined
the circle of life here.
It would be so easy if this would have
just happened when I was 18.. or 25... but
200 years ago they were having babies as
soon as they started their period so.. I
can't be totally in the wrong, right? I
mean it's only natural to secretly be
envious of babies that other people have
and want one of your own, and it's only
natural to explore sexually with your
partner. It's all instinct.
It reminds me of how my cat was still a
kitten when she had her first litter... no
one told HER that she wasn't mature enough
to raise a litter of six kittens....
|
Reptar
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 389
Thanks: 44
Thanked:13
Posted: 05-31-08 09:43am
Oh gosh, I hate the "it's natural" excuse.
Yes, your body is physically ready to have
a baby and I'm very glad you've made your
decision and are sticking with it, but
please don't try to make any excuses. The
world has changed completely, as it was
also natural to be married by the time you
were having children and to have a home
and whatnot. It also was unnatural for
women to go on to secondary education, for
women to have professional jobs, and all
this adds to why it's not the norm now.
Some 13 year olds can also have healthy
children, doesn't mean it's natural or
they are anywhere near capable of raising
one. In this day and age, it's not
natural, but hey, you can do it and we
have great examples of mothers on this
board who have.
I don't mean to be coming off as an
problem, but the "instinct" excuse flew
out the window once we became civilized.
You don't even have to make these excuses
since you did try to prevent the pregnancy
(by taking the plan b) and you weren't
actively trying to become pregnant. I know
how terrifying it will be to tell your
parents, but your best bet is to be honest
and tell them how you're going to deal
with the situation. If they have a history
of physical abuse, I would suggest that
you do it with boyfriend around or a best
friend just in case things get sticky. I
wish you all the luck and get yourself to
a doctor so he/she can help start you on
the way to a healthy baby!
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 05-31-08 10:04am
the earlier you tell your parents, the
better.
they will have more time to accept the new
life coming into the world, instead of you
waddling in with a big belly and them
putting two and two together.
Reptar gave you some good advice, like
bring your boyfriend, a best friend..you
could even tell your boyfriends parents
first, and they could come with you to
tell your parents. but like i said, the
earlier the better.
My sister inlaw gave me that advice when i
found out about my pregnancy, and in the
long run, it helped and im glad i did it
sooner than later.
My parents were disappointed, upset,
angry..for alittle but they have come to
accept this now.
Just stay calm when you tell them, dont
fight with them, listen to what they have
to say, and MAKE SURE you have a plan,
because they WILL ask you that. Like what
you are going to do, how you will support
the baby, all questions like that. If you
can answer all their questions honestly,
it might make them accept it alittle more
because you two are being responsible now,
knowing what has to be done, and taking it
from there.
Talk to your doctor, and pray for the
best, plan b will not do any harm to your
baby, its just hormones, and you body gets
a TON when your pregnant. lol
If you feel like this is going to halt
things, or be too much, you do have an
option of adoption, if you would consider
that..its not a bad thing, but another
option for you.
Remember you can always have a baby when
you feel you are ready. but thats just an
option, like Reptar said, many women on
here have succesfully raised their babies
as a teen, and many are about to as well,
they can give you support and possibly
even the courage to do so.
good luck
|
daslautlacht
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2008 Posts: 16
Posted: 05-31-08 11:42am
Well, last night I was very confused about
what I wanted to do and suggested the idea
of possibly getting an abortion with my
boyfriend. At this suggestion, he
absolutely lit up, which honestly bothered
me.
Now I know that I cannot destroy the life
of what is currently growing inside me,
and when I told him I am looking towards
adoption (I mean we have a few weeks to
decide, so I am still trying to weigh
everything out), he got really upset.
Before he told me he would support
whatever I choose, but now he's telling me
about he isn't ready and how we can't
afford to even HAVE the baby. He is not
pro keeping it. At all.
I am trying to be as open minded to his
feelings as possible. I mean, he's scared,
he's nervous about telling his parents,
and he has a really crappy job as a waiter
and I'm having trouble just finding a
part-time job at the mall. I know that
eventually his parents would be happy to
offer some financial support but he has
his mind made up that abortion is the only
route, and since I'm not 18 yet, he is
suggesting very ridiculous home methods
which I would never be able to follow
through with. He keeps telling me that
this is not Juno, we can't just have a
baby and expect all the expenses to be
paid for. I told him planned parenthood is
practically free.
I am stuck. I really am. If I was 18 and
could get an abortion I might follow
through with a more humane method, but
even still I don't want to destroy
something that people spend years and
years trying to create without avail. I am
scared he will leave me, though he says
that's ridiculous. ...
I don't know anymore. At first I was
sortof excited at our little accident and
now I'm just scared and confused.
|
AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8247 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 168
Thanked:14
Posted: 05-31-08 12:22pm
If you're not comfortable with the idea of
abortion, don't let him pressure you into
getting one. That's a choice that you're
going to live with for the rest of your
life, and if you get one without knowing
it was the right thing to do, it will
probably plague you for years.
I do think you should sit down with his
parents though and discuss this. They
might have a different perspective on this
that you haven't thought of yet. They
might know of some programs for young
mothers that could help pay for pregnancy
expenses or might be able to help you get
on Medicaid if you qualify. And if you're
leaning towards adoption, maybe they can
help you figure that out, too.
Most importantly, maybe they can help you
break the news to your own parents. It
might be safer doing it with someone else
at your side, since you've mentioned your
parents have been physical in the past.
|
manuftw82
Supporter
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 364 Location: Vestal/LI, NY USA
Thanks: 7
Thanked:3
Posted: 05-31-08 15:53pm
If you want to put it up for adoption a
lot of times the adoptive parents will
cover your medical expenses. I do think
it is a good idea if you are set on having
this child and you don't think you are
ready. You can choose an open adoption
and they will send you updates or you can
set guidelines and even visit.
|
Moo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: London
Thanks: 21
Thanked:111
Posted: 06-02-08 05:29am
Taking the pills the wrong way wont have
amade a difference, plan b does not affect
a pregnancy that has already begun and
unfortunately no contraceptive is 100% so
it can happen even when you try to prevent
it.
daslautlacht
wrote:
he has his mind made up that
abortion is the only route, and since I'm
not 18 yet, he is suggesting very
ridiculous home methods which I would
never be able to follow through with.
This is not his decision to make, if
you're uncomfortable with abortion then
there are other options. However, being 18
does not mean you wouldn't be able to
obtain one should you decide
on that option and "home remedies"
are dangerous and should not be
attempted.
Give yourself some time to think through
what you want and don't pressure yourself
into making a decision through fear or to
please your bf. It's natural to be
confused about this, do you have anyone
else you can confide in?
|
PenguinsRus
Supporter
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1211 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 06-02-08 09:33am
Whatever you do, do not do a home remedy.
They can be very dangerous and end up
sending you to the hospital.
If you are worried about your age, I
believe you can get an abortion at planned
parenthood being under 18 without parental
consent.
However, that being said, don't get an
abortion unless if you are POSITIVE that's
what you want, and not just what he wants.
This is not something you want to regret
for the rest of your life.
Good luck hun, I hope things work out.
Have you found out how far along you are
yet?
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 06-02-08 14:41pm
i think i can understand where your
boyfriend is coming from, a baby is
expensive, and a part time job wont cut
it, the average cost for a baby is between
$30,000 and $40,000 and i wouldnt be
surprised if its a little more than that.
Dont just act on abortion because he wants
it. He cant force you to get one, you
decide in the end. You could give the baby
up for adoption to a loving family that
can provide all the necessities for your
child, and like someone else said on here,
have an open adoption.
Maybe you could talk to an adoption
agency, see what they can offer you.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 06-09-08 06:39am
krystineM
wrote:
i just said she should choose a word
other than that because some could get
offended by it.
so chill.
i didnt say anything rude, just told her
some may take offense to what she had
posted...
this is a public forum, get over it.
Retarded is a word. It sounds bad because
people use it poorly in other terms but
there is nothing wrong with how she is
using it.
|
krystineM
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 1355 Location: mississauga, ontario Canada
Thanks: 29
Thanked:15
Posted: 06-09-08 12:50pm
thank you.
this was cleared up long before you
commented about it.
i understand, so theres no need to go into
more depth about it.
