Self destruction and fear of happiness Posted: 07-01-08 22:02pm
Ever since I was little I have been a
people pleaser. I would do what anyone
asked me to do for them no matter what.
What happened is I grew to have little to
no self respect for myself. I am
intelligent and I've heard the whole "you
should put yourself above others, respect
yourself, make yourself a priority" but I
never have. Now I'm stuck in a life where
I am continuously setting up situations
for myself so that I will feel terrible
about myself.
Whenever something happens and I feel
happy, it seems I purposely destroy
whatever it is. I don't do it
conciously,and I don't know why I do it. I
had a normal childhood, highschool sucked
but it does for everyone, and now I find a
really hard time saying no to anyone about
anything.
I do have a negative attitude, but I
rarely ask for things for myself, and when
I do, no one helps me. Friends I do
everything for always disappear when I'm
in need of them. I'm not blaming them, I
just feel like I'm losing the little bit
of me that's still inside. I'm ruining
myself and I know I don't deserve it, but
I don't know how to stop.
Can anyone offer some sort of advice?
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antigone
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 998 Location: IL
Thanks: 49
Thanked:18
Posted: 07-05-08 00:50am
You have the people pleasing syndrome. You
have described it perfectly. What would
happen if you said "no" to just one
request? Try it. Just say no to some
little request. I guarantee you that what
was asked of you will be done by someone
else. Guess what - the person that asked
the favor will not hate you, dislike you,
or feel put off by you saying no, unless
they are a user. You need to say no to one
little request. After you find out no ill
will came your way you will have the power
to say no to other things. After time goes
by it will become easier to do this. The
first time may be really difficult and you
may have many emotions to deal with. This
is normal. You may want to consider
talking to a therapist. Having someone to
share the experiences with will help you
deal with it.
You can do this. One request at a time. If
it interferes with your life or is not
convenient to do something just say no.
The world will not stop and nobody will
die if you say no. It will be a very
empowering experience for you.
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half-pickled-turnip
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 08-28-08 05:52am
Rah, well antigone pretty , much says it
all.
If i was you I'd be proud of myself for
having such a clear knowledge of how your
feeling. The hardest part of anything liek
that is realising that there's summut
wrong in the 1st place.
Now you need to take the nxt step by
seeking some sort of proffesional help.
Might sound a bit melodramatic but even
just by going to a few councelling
sessions can make a big difference. I'm
not claiming they'll be a miraculous cure
or anything but in my experience it gave
me more of an understandin on why I felt
the way I did and how to deal with it/over
come it.
There will be no quick fix hun but you've
already come so far so stick at it and
book yourself an appointment with your GP
to see what help they can offer you, mine
put me on waitin glist to see couneller
for 5 sessions which really gave me the
foundations to overcome my problems.
