Not sure if this is the right forum but
what the hell.
Basically I'm dating a guy, we've been
together for 6 months now and we've both
said we love each other. He and I both
have very different views on sex. I'm not
sex-obsessed (since tbh it usually hurts
me) but I do enjoy to have sex every now
and again, whereas he doesn't really like
it, he'd be happy to cut it out of his
life completely.
He's a complicated person when it comes to
sex. We both enjoy oral sex and mutual
masturbation a lot and we're always up for
experimenting because we're both very open
people. But when it comes to sex he seems
like he's not interested. It seems like
whenever we have sex it's like he's doing
it just to keep me happy, which I don't
want, I want to have sex with someone who
wants to as well. And sometimes he just
doesn't seem to stay in the mood, he'll be
very hard one minute and lifeless the
next. Am I doing something wrong? In the
rest of the relationship we seem good,
it's just the sexual stuff that seems to
go wrong.
Recently whenever we've started to get "in
the mood" and we've started to have oral
sex or something I'll usually please him
for a while then we'll swap over but
recently he's sort of started pleasing me,
then he'll stop and we'll end up stopping
everything after a while, like he's bored
of it and then I'm pretty much left
hanging.
Also, something else that confuses me
greatly, he doesn't like to come when he's
with me. He's only ever came once during
me giving him a hj and that's only because
I didn't stop. He won't come during sex
even while wearing a condom because he
thinks "it's weird". For me I personally
like it when a guy does, and I think it
gives quite a nice climax (in every sense)
to the night, but he doesn't.
Any suggestions? Does any other couple
have this problem??
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 04-15-08 08:27am
I don't have this problem, BUT: I think
maybe he's hiding something. I don't mean
something huge like he's got a disease or
he's cheating or anything. I think there's
something psychological at work... no man
in his right mind would turn down sex...
or not want to orgasm after foreplay for
that matter... unless there's something in
his head reminding him or telling him it's
not supposed to happen. You might have to
do some probing to see what's going on.
THis can put a serious strain on a
relationship, and I think getting to the
bottom of it could only benefit.
I'm not saying he's crazy or anything, but
try asking him why if you haven't already.
|
chibi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 04-15-08 09:40am
I've tried asking him about it and his
reply is always "because it's horrible"
He just seems to have this problem with
bodily fluids, he said to me "Bodily
fluids are just wrong, blood is possibly
the only one I don't mind, and I prefer it
to stay inside my body."
I don't know, it probably is completely
psychological but I know he genuinely
isn't bothered about sex
|
Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-15-08 09:52am
I'm not tryin 2 sound mean or out tha way,
so excuse me if i affend u, but..........
Is he gay? I jus ask that because i have
neva heard of a man turning down sex &
thinking its weird the cum. Maybe he
really is hiding something.... I would be
very concerned & would be asking some
questions & not stopping until i get
answers. Thats just me.
|
chibi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 04-15-08 10:18am
He's bisexual, as am I, we both know that
(no offence taken btw ^^). That's never
been an issue though, in fact, I think we
both enjoy being with each other more
because we're both so open minded about
things like that. We do try to talk about
things like this but sometimes he's very
contradicitve, he'll say something then
try to explain more and then end up saying
the opposite of what he's just said.
Well I don't know really, he hasn't had
very much experience and before we went
out he had been single for over 1.5 yrs
But
I asked him if he'd ever come inside
someone before and he said no because he
thought it was disgusting. I've tried
telling him that it's silly for him to
dismiss something before trying it
(because he's not usually like that at
all)
|
Keeba88
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Sep 2007 Posts: 223 Location: ,
Posted: 04-15-08 10:44am
Yea, i'm in shock with this situation.
Everytime my boyfriend and i have had
intercourse he has always finished. If he
has such a problem with body fluids, how
can he perform oral sex on you? I mean hes
putting his fluids from his mouth on you
and putting your fluids from down there in
his mouth. But he has a problem with
finishing off into a condom? Is it because
he doesn't like body fluids or is it
because he's afraid of getting you
pregnant? Could it be something like that?
I wish the best of luck to you, and i
really hope you figure out something
between you guys. Maybe try explaining to
him that if you could understand more
about why he thinks its so disgusting it
can better your relationship.
|
chibi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 04-15-08 10:56am
Believe me I've tried asking him and he
can never give me a better answer than
"because it's weird/gross/unnatural/etc"
(which I think is rubbish personally, how
can that be unnatural??)
He said that being scared of getting me
pregnant is a given, but we've had sex
without condoms before (I'm on the pill
and we've both been checked) and it didn't
bother him. It's just every time we have
sex sometimes I'll finish, sometimes I
won't, but he never does, even if he's
very close he'll just stop.
Though albeit all this weirdness it is
nice to date a guy who prefers to just
snuggle up at night
|
Keeba88
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Sep 2007 Posts: 223 Location: ,
Posted: 04-15-08 10:59am
I agree snuggling is a must! it just makes us
ladies feel so loved and so comforted. It
just like sayig "i love you" and realy
really meaning it! Well i'm glad that
snuggling is going for you. GOOD LUCK HUN!
|
chibi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2008 Posts: 7
Posted: 04-15-08 11:07am
Heehee thankies ^^
|
Aunt WeeWee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 165 Location: Amherst, VA, 24521
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-15-08 13:32pm
WOW! I have never heard anything like
this before. Its crazy. Most guys want
to cum inside girls.... Idk what to tell
you. Its good that you guys can
communicate & talk about stuff like
that though!
|
marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1104 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 04-16-08 09:42am
I still think that there is something else
at work. Either a physical problem or a
psychological phobia or unexplained
problem he has. Be patient... that's
probably what he needs.
|
Dreadmuse
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2008 Posts: 13 Location: St. Petersburg, fl usa
Posted: 04-21-08 10:18am
Well... to each his own.. even though it
is pretty odd. There are several things
you can do. If you are suspecting that it
is something about you, think about how he
is around body fluids. Think about how he
reacts when people sneeze, door handles,
runny noses, public toilets. If he doesn't
seem to have a problem with other
instances (just intimacy) then I would say
you two need to have a serious talk.
It sounds to me like he may just have a
severe reaction to body fluids, perhaps
the smell, the feel.... any number of
things... but the most important thing is
to talk to him about it. Perhaps find
another way so that he can find his
release, as well as you without him having
to face it. Be creative...
