she left me for her abusive ex boyfriend Posted: 04-29-08 23:02pm
i dont know where to start so i guess ill
start from the beginning. i am a 26 yr
old male and had been dating her (24 yrs
old) for 5 months. she'd recently moved
to VA (from NY) to escape an emotionally
and physically abusive ex. They dated for
about a year and shes spent the past 2
years trying to shut him out of her life
(unsuccessfully).
I was a psychology major so i know how
difficult it can be moving on from
something like this. we spent our entire
relationship trying to move past him but
he kept persisting. i was as supportive
as i could be throughout all of it. she'd
repeatedly promised me she'd stop talking
to him, only to find out she'd been
breaking those promises.
finally it got to be to much, we took a
few days apart so she could figure out
what she really wanted, and i come to find
out he drove 9 hours down to be with her
and i have since been left for him. ive
tried talking to her about how much of a
mistake she's making but she just wont
listen.
he is amazingly manipulative. she has had
many failed relationships because
everytime she's happy and moving on, he
comes out of the woodwork and sucks her
back in. he has a way of making her not
like them anymore. she has admitted that
i am the most wonderful guy shes ever
dated and never been treated the way i
treat her, but that unfortunately she's
"f'd" up in the head and still loves him.
shes become a completely different person
since and her only response to all of this
is "i am sorry" and ignores me. this girl
is the love of my life and i want to spend
the rest of my life with her. what can i
do?
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FlowerMom_03
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 23 Location: Da Boon Docks, La
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Posted: 04-29-08 23:11pm
Well, I'm a girl, so maybe I can let you
into a girls mind....
I know that some girls look at that kinda
stuff as "LOVE". I always had the boys who
treated me like crap & loved them.
Turned around & got with a man who
treated me awesome & I wouldn't
stay....like I said maybe she views the
abuse as love!? Hopefully she'll wake up
& come back to you, but I don't think
thats gonna happen, she's used to the
abuse.....Good Luck!!
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heartbroken13
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Apr 2008 Posts: 2
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Posted: 04-29-08 23:28pm
i actually just called a domestic violence
hotline and they told me the same things i
knew and what my friends have told me...
if shes going to learn, shes going to have
do it on her own. and thats an incredibly
hard fact to face, being unable to do
anything. its horrible seeing someone you
love getting involved in something so bad
and not being able to help. thanks
flowermom for the quick response.
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Beline
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 173 Location: , South Africa
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Posted: 04-30-08 04:43am
I agree with flowermom. Unfortunately
there is nothing you can do. My guess is
she interprets the stalking as him loving
her and not wanting to give up on their
relationship.
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sunsetp
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Joined: 07 May 2008 Posts: 1
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Posted: 05-07-08 08:01am
......Having just come out of an abusive
realtionship just 8 weeks ago, i can
understand how your ex is feeling. I also
feel for you too!! For some reason a
mentally and physically abusive man has
ways of manipulating....they are very very
clever people in once sense. Despite my ex
nearly killing me, i do still have very
strong feelings for him, but like your ex
he is still pestering me now. (These types
of ppl make you feel that you deserved
what you got, they are clever at passing
the guilt and making you feel so guilty,
that you end up going back to them.) I've
been back to my ex more times than i can
remember and each time, they say they will
change........however this is the longest
i've been away from him and i just pray i
don't go back.
What you need to realise is that altho you
were so nice to her and you love her,
unfortunately you will not be able to
fight for her over a mentally abusive
person.
I do feel sorry for you, hopefully you
will be able to get over this and move on,
or she may just see the light and return.
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