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teens & multiple sex partners Posted: 03-10-08 11:17am
It seems like a more common thing these
days for teens to have group sex or
friends with benifits who also have
multiple sex partners in our society.
"Twice as many girls as boys lose their
virginity before they turn 16, a survey
has revealed." Says Tom Kelly an author of
More girls than boys say yes to sex before
16.
here the link:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/fe
mail/article.html?in_article_id=416077&in_
page_id=1879&in_a_source=
It had a part where some feel pressured
into having sex, but my focus right now is
on the group of teens who have group sex
or friends with benifits, where they
clearly aren't feel pressured into doing
anything, because they'll do it in a group
or with a person they have no relationship
to other than a sex buddy.
Are parents so oblivious to this? I guess
they must be to allow their daughters to
go out to a party where they think they'll
be responsible but have a gang bang
instead, or have a friend over for
homework and instead of homework their
having sex...
>>In 2001, 19.9 percent of ninth-grade
girls were currently sexually active
(including the 3 months preceding the
survey) versus 51 percent of twelfth-grade
girls. In addition, 5.4 percent of
ninth-grade girls had engaged in sexual
intercourse before the age of 13, compared
to 2.2 percent of twelfth-grade girls.
Instead of girls saying no or waiting to
have sex at an older age, their diving in
right away as if their missing out on
something. Friends are partly the reason
why [i think] because having sex is
supposed to be the next step into a 13-16
yr olds relationship, but when its
mentioned theres more pressure into doing
it. And when they do have sex, they feel
their 'in love' when its just a sexual
urge their getting fulfilled.
Then there's the ones who heavily drink at
like 14, and do things cuz their drunk.
and then later realize they like having
sex, and do it all the time, have friends
with benifits, and/or group sex. This is
disgusting.
Sex is supposed to be a special bond
between 2 people, not a hobby, sport or
addition game to see how many partners you
can have at one time...
Kids these days have ruined the meaning of
that.
You get girls having sex for drugs,
alcohol, money...and it in a small way has
become more common.
Are parents to blame, i say yes, girls at
like 13and on should not be allowed to go
to a boys house where anything can happen.
Girls should be supervised more because
their precious and not things to use and
throw away.
At least thats going to be the rule with
my daughter if i have a daughter, the boy
can come to my house where we can
supervise than have her go there and
anything could happen.
And if the boy really wants to be with her
and not get in her pants, he'll accapt
that, other wise he can say good-bye. She
would be allowed to go over to his house
when shes 18. But any younger, no. Out of
the question. She would only go there for
christmas dinners holiday dinners or if
she was invited and then they can come to
my house or to a movie.
I dont trust boys at the age of 13 and on
i know what their like.
As much as the girl is to blame for having
sexual intercourse at a young age, the boy
is an influence too.
Thats my say on it, whats yours?
|
Tylanas
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Posted: 03-10-08 11:36am
I don't have a problem with ADULTS have
orgies or anything else they want to do.
For some people, sex is not a special bond
between "just" two people, and that's
fine.
However, I don't think teens should be
having ANY sex AT ALL, much less sex with
multiple partners.
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-10-08 11:41am
sometimes to spice up the relationship,
adults who are amarried have group sex or
switch partners..i dont think thats right.
But teens doing this is just down right
disgusting.
most arent even of leagal age to condone
in sexual intercourse yet have it with
groups of people...
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 03-10-08 15:38pm
I agree with you Krystine, it is
disgusting.
This part of your post was very helpful to
me:
Quote:
Girls
should be supervised more because their
precious and not things to use and throw
away.
At least thats going to be the rule with
my daughter if i have a daughter, the boy
can come to my house where we can
supervise than have her go there and
anything could happen.
And if the boy really wants to be with her
and not get in her pants, he'll accapt
that, other wise he can say good-bye. She
would be allowed to go over to his house
when shes 18. But any younger, no. Out of
the question. She would only go there for
christmas dinners holiday dinners or if
she was invited and then they can come to
my house or to a movie.
I dont trust boys at the age of 13 and on
i know what their like.
As much as the girl is to blame for having
sexual intercourse at a young age, the boy
is an influence too.
Thats my say on it, whats
yours?
My dd (10 years old) asked me a few days
ago if she could go over a boy's house
with her girlfriend. I initially said yes
if I speak to the boy's mother before hand
and am assured that she will be home, etc.
But after reading this, I am changing my
mind. I do not trust another mother
(especially the boy's mother) to watch the
kids as carefully as I would. They can
come over here.
THANKS FOR POSTING THIS!!!!
|
Maddie34
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Posted: 03-10-08 17:02pm
Be careful with that. I know girls whose
parents like to keep an eye on them
constantly and its messed them up a lot.
They felt like their parents don't trust
them and then they need to sneak about
just to get away and have their own time.
Sometimes it didn't even seem necessary
and they still told their parents a lie
just to get them out of their hair. You
can't say you trust your child but then
never give them a chance to make their own
decisions. You could very well be pushing
your child away when you're only trying to
protect them.
When I see how easily it could go one way
or the other because of simple mistakes it
honestly makes me worried to become a
parent. My mom never thought twice about
myself or my older sister going over to a
boys house. She said she trusted me to
make the right choices. I snuck out of the
house once to go to a party when I was 14.
My mom never found out, but I felt so
guilty about it I never did it again. I
think its about mutual trust and
respect. If a parent can't handle that
then things could go just as wrong as when
a parent pays no attention at all to their
child.
I'll try and teach good morals and values
and how my child uses them will be up to
him/her. If they respect and trust me then
I will undoubtedly return the favor until
they give me reason to do otherwise.
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-10-08 18:57pm
No problem Future, i thought it was a good
topic after reading a little into it
myself.
Maddie, its not a trust issue, trust has
to be gained, they are your child, your
responsibility, and you set the rules.
They either live with it until 18 or
tough.
See when they are able to sneak around,
then the parents are not doing a proper
job. My daughter[again if i have a
daughter] will be trusted, but first needs
to gain that trust, she can go out with
her friends, she can have a boyfriend at
high school age none of this elemtrary
flings, she can have him over here and go
there for dinners but thats it. And she
can accept that, or thats too bad.
The only tough rule is not going to a boys
house, shes still allowed boys over here
where we supervise, i know the way boys
are and its enough for me to say sorry hun
but id rather you guys come over here.
You had the trust, but still snuck out.
There is compromising as parents, but when
it comes to certain things, you after all
are the parent, you set the rules and they
as children accept it, or tough.
its not watching them like a hawk, its
looking out for their well being in the
long run.
I am pretty leaniant other than my fiance,
and im sure ill be fighting battles with
compromises here and there, but where we
meet eye to eye is boys.
I will give my child their space, and
trust but they earn that trust first.
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Maddie34
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Posted: 03-10-08 20:14pm
Well, I'm just saying that I have friends
with parents like that and I've seen how
that can go wrong. I snuck out, yes. Once.
But I felt like junk afterwards and never
did it again. I made a mistake and a poor
choice, who hasn't? And don't say my
parents didn't do their job correctly. I'm
in college, waited to have sex until I was
19 and didn't drink in highschool save for
maybe a month long phase in 8th grade
where I more just made appearances at
parties than drink at parties. My older
sister was around the same as well and my
little brother and sister are both good
kids. My parents have done an excellent
job, and it didn't involve constant
watching but just trust and respect.
I'm not saying that a parent should let
their kid run wild, but I will trust my
child until they give me a reason not to.
I will go to sleep at night and not lay
awake waiting for my kids to sneak out. My
little sister has mostly boy friends and
it sounds to me like all they do is run
around and talk about pokemon. She's ten.
I suppose I should have also said that my
mom is a teacher in a small town, she
knows all parents and all my friends being
that she was their teacher. So when I said
I was going out with my guy friends she
knew them all and how they acted.
I'm not so extreme as to think that all
boys over the age of 9 are trying to get
girls to have sex. I'll judge boys one at
a time and not make silly generalizations.
I'll be the parent, but not the crazy
parent
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-10-08 21:57pm
Of having one strict rule?
come on. if a child cannot accept the
rules its too bad to be quite honest.
Its not about constant watching. its about
looking out for them when boys are present
so they dont engage in sex at a young age.
Not everyone lives in a small town. When
it comes to boys my daughter will not be
going to boys houses, they will come to
ours, shes still able to have a boyfriend
while in highschool. But shes not going
there. I never said all boys at the age of
9 are into sex, she can have guy friends
but they come to my house where myself and
my bf/fiance can supervise. Boys when
getting at like 13 and older are after one
thing and my daughter will not be apart of
that one thing. Theres no compromising
over that. That is basically the only
strick rule. Thats how its going to be,
we're still letting her have boyfriends
but they come here and thats that.
She will gain my trust, and if she
misbehaves or goes against the rules that
we set the trust will be taken away. You
have to set rules otherwise the kid runs
the shots.
At 18 she decides what she wants with our
guidance if she needs it.
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Verizon-y
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Posted: 03-10-08 22:37pm
My DD is only 10, and I like the gaining
trust idea.
As for boys and sex, girls are just as
bad, and things happen in middle school
now (6th grade) like kids having sex in
class and on the bus, that I wouldn't have
believed if I hadn't heard about them from
the news myself.
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-10-08 22:46pm
Future are you serious! where is this
happening?
Girls are just as bad, but i think its the
way you bring them up, having respect for
themselves and having structure like being
involved in an activity, kind of takes
that want away because their focused on
something else.
What is wrong with our world.
My bf/fiance was the one that made me like
the gaining trust idea, kids arent born
with it, they have to show you that they
have gained it.
How do school teachers and bus drivers let
kids do this? have they no sense to step
in and say something to the schools and
the parents?!?!
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Maddie34
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Posted: 03-11-08 01:10am
Eh, it's a fine line between being a good
parent and an over protective parent. I'd
rather not cross it. I won't be lenient if
my rules are broken- that's for sure- but
my rules won't be so extreme that I take
away their chance to make the right
decision. I plan on making sure my kid
stays out of situations that involve sex,
but its going to be because they don't
want to be in that situation, not
because I sat between her and her
boyfriend chomping on popcorn during a
movie at home (I'm exaggerating, I know
you're not going to do anything close to
that). We want the same thing, we just
plan on going about it differently.
Out of curiosity, how will you react when
your daughter (hypothetically) goes to the
movies with her boyfriend? They've been
together for 3 weeks and though she's
never done anything to break your trust,
she hasn't really earned it either. He's
got a car, so he will give her a ride
there and back. She's 15 and he's 16. Will
you allow that? How will you ensure they
truly go to the movies or will you just
trust? Will you constantly call her cell?
Will they be allowed to go anywhere
afterwards? Or are you going to demand
they rent a movie and watch it at your
house where you can keep an eye on them.
Most importantly, do you think that your
constant distrust of your daughter's
ability to make the right decision will
have a negative impact on her? Or is that
all just too bad for her and no fault of
your own? Again, I'm just curious. Future,
I'm curious for your answer as well
especially since you actually have a
daughter.
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-11-08 08:13am
In my eyes, it is being a good parent.
And its not being an extreme parent
either. I remember when i was 14-15 i
would go to boys houses, and the parents
did not supervise the way my mother or
step mom would have, and all the boy
wanted to do was get in my pants but i
would say no firmly. I dont need my
daughter exposed to that with the way
society is.
They can go to movies, but you see, we
have to meet the boyfriend, and his
parents, i would allow him to drive her
there and back, but after the movie they
can go to dinner if they want or come back
here for a little and hang out.
If my daughter has gained my trust, and we
will make it crystal clear that if she
does go against our trust she wont be able
to see her boyfriend.
We will not distrust her, but she has to
understand that if a trust is broken
consequences will be made. And if she
wants to see her friends, she will not go
somewhere else other than the mall, and if
she wants to see her boyfriend she wont go
off somewhere else other than where she
told us.
She gains our trust, but if its broken
again consequenses.
We're allowing her to do pretty much
everything a kid her age does, but we have
a different rule cuz we know how boys and
girls act, and if she cant understand
that, she'll learn the hard way. Example
going against what she told us with her
boyfriend, she wont see her boyfriend.
Shes the child. We're the adult, we set
the rules, and she listens to them, or
gets something taken away. She would be
15, she'll find "love" again, no serious
damage will be made.
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Maddie34
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Posted: 03-11-08 09:58am
Whats wrong with a guy asking, and her
saying no? I said no a few guys, including
my current boyfriend (said no to him for
more than a few years).
What wrong with that? What's wrong with
her making her own decision to stay out of
that situation?
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krystineM
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Posted: 03-11-08 10:19am
Girls are vulnerable.
And im sure if that question is brought
up, i would hope she would say no, we are
going to educate her on sex and the things
that can happen is she does have sex, and
that she should wait till she is older or
married to have sex.
But we will be supervising.
I dont trust boys at that age. I know what
their like, i mean i was that age not too
many years ago, so thats the way things
will be. Shes going to be in activities
that hopefully keep her occupied with
other things than sex, im sure she'll
think of it but be stronger to say no. Im
not going to say no for her, she'll just
know that we would be dissappointed if she
did it sooner, and that if she lies she
wont be doing what she wants to do.
That is the only way kids learn.
Parents these days, give their kids a
little too much freedom and trust. And
look what happens, they either get into
drugs, sex or friends with benifits.
You need to set boundries so they dont
feel the need to go against them, and if
they think your joking, they find out the
hard way.
It does not sound like a harsh way of
parenting, but a head strong way of
parenting from past experiences, and from
viewing the world today and how kids run
their parents, their parents give them way
more freedom than they deserve or should
get, and run around like little hos.
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