Thorns Amongst the Roses - Love

Deep down i KNOW the right thing to do is to f*** him off.
the CONS way up more than the PROS

so what the f*** is wrong with me for the past 2-3 years?
I CANT LET GO, and when i do.. it goes fine for a few months and his back in my life
i cry more than i can remember being happy

i distance myself, but it doesnt last

I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO
but I CANT...

dont get me wrong, im not going to try justify him, he is a great guy. but he is not for me, I KNOW THIS. but it hurts and i always give in. one minute things are going great, next i jst wish i never met him.

I feel so stupid that if hypathetically... IF he turned to me and said the most hurtful things/abused me/gave me aids (rofl knock on wood).. i would probably get over it and still look up to him... LIKE WHAT THE f***?

Every1 gives me great advice and deep down i know. But i look at the little things he does (good things) and then i jst seem to forget about all the things he does to hurt me? (and im not saying he does anything, i think its all in my head)

ITS SO messed UP.
i hate burdening my friends with the same old problems, because i feel like a broken record lol

This guy is NOT my boyfriend (was about 2 yrs ago) Have known him for odd 4 years.
closest guy ive ever been with. I think its jst coz i dont have anything better to move onto.
I have seen other guys (TO TRY MOVE ON) + hooked up with others, but i always either compare, or my heart is still reserved for him.

Is it because i dont have him all to myself, and if i actually did i would get over it. (this has happened to me in the past)
Dont get me wrong, we care for eachother and if i was in trouble he would probably be the first one id call to save me (lol) i have alot of respect for him. But its just not ON..

Has any1 ever been in this situation? coz i feel really doing it stupid