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womaninpain
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Boring Sex
Posted: 07-12-07 23:07pm
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I have been with my fiance for 11 years on
and off and the last 3 years we have not
had a split. 6 years ago he was injured
and has had to go through back surgery and
all kinds of therapy for it and he is
still in pain. Anyway...3 years ago when
we got back together sex was amazing for
us, even now thinking about it makes me
want to call him and tell him to come over
lol! Anyway after about teh first 6 months
we went from having sex 3-4 times a week
to 3-4 times a month and even now it's
worse it is more like 1-2 times a
month...although we do have our moments
when it happens 3-4 times a week for the
most part it's rare these days and it's
more like once a month.
So that's really not my problem although
if I could help it we would do it everyday
to be honest...his thing is that he says
he is in pain and he can't do it all the
time.....the bigger problem that I would
like to get past right now is when we
actually do get to have sex it is the same
way everytime and very boring and I get
absolutely nothing out of it. It is always
the same "doggystyle" which I don't
particularly care for because it deosn't
really do anything for me but he says that
for him it's easier because of his back
problems. Might I also add that there is
basically no foreplay here and that sucks.
I mentioned it to him one time and he
started with the foreplay and that made it
more enjoyable for both of us but that was
a one time deal after that no more
foreplay. Another time he went for it and
ended up leaving because I offended him by
telling him that I didn't want to do it
the same old way and that I wanted more
out of it...that turned into an arguement
and he said that it's the only way to do
it without his back hurting him badly and
he left....I really hate our sex life
these days because it was once so amazing
and I want a change and I want to enjoy
it! Any suggestions?
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young Girl
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womaninpain
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:15pm
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yeah...I was hoping for something better
than that...that sucks...I really like the
feel of him close to me but to be quite
honest I might have to turn to it.
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young Girl
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:16pm
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no what im saying is put some porn on
make a show out of it
do everything they do in the video
try something new that will arouse him
i dont have this problem with trav lol
every night its something new :]
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womaninpain
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:19pm
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I did forget to say that when we go out
and he drinks a lot we do it every which
way we can and it's great it's just
normally he can't do all of those
movements supposedly.
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young Girl
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:20pm
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has he told you why? guys are wierd though
lol
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womaninpain
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:37pm
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I never asked why it's so amazing when he
drinks and why it sucks when he's sober
lol..I am starting to feel as though maybe
he's not very attracted to me, I ask him
and he says that he is attracted to me and
that the only problem is his pain. He has
even told the doctors in front of me that
they have to fix his problems and his pain
because it is causing problems with our
sex life but I can't deal with it. I would
NEVER cheat but my gosh this sucks it
really does and I want some variety and
enjoyment.
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young Girl
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Tylanas
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Posted: 07-12-07 23:45pm
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It sounds like you need to go to a
therapist. He has issues that need to be
dealt with.
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Rosie H
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Posted: 07-19-07 09:28am
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I'm with the girlfriend, try something new
and exciting. Turn things up a little.
Like porn or a toy. Also try girl on top
and you do the work. He wont be using his
back that way. I dont know though my guy
loves to get me going before he gets his,
its a turnon for him to get me turned on
first. Most of the time he is very
conciuos of my needs- cant spell-But there
are times where Hes not into it and we
just kinda get it over with.
It sounds like he has something else going
on, he could feel useless because he cant
satisfy you, Im sure he can tell the
difference in your relationship also. Its
probably hurting his pride and feelings of
being a man. Daniel gets like that when
his back hurts him.
Ask him about therapy. See if he would be
willing to try it. If he really wants to
save the relationship he will do it.
daniel has to take sleeping pills for bed.
He takes them at like 7 and after he
takes them hes too tired to even stand let
alone kiss me. It sucks cause I get off
work at four, then we get home make dinner
clean and take shower and by that time hes
passed out. Theres no time for real sex
except on the weekend. So I know how it
is to not have it all of the time. It
sucks.
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womaninpain
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Posted: 07-19-07 09:34am
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I know that it bothers him, last time we
went to the doctor he looked like a lost
puppy and was about to cry, he told the
doctor that they need to fix him because
he can't take it anymore, he can't have a
normal sex life with me. There are times
when he is really into it and he tries for
me, but most of the time by the time he is
done he is getting sharp pains in his
back. We usually have to have sex sitting
me on top either forward or backward or
him standing so that means usually i have
to be backwards...that does not do
anything at all for me but it makes it so
that he is in less pain. I know a time or
two he has literally almost fallen over in
pain after because he gets these horrible
pains at times. It just really sucks
because the boring sex happens SO much
more than the good sex. We used to have
such an amazing sex life, was he my best
ever? NO, but it was really great and over
the last year it's been so crappy that I
want it and I get so excited and I am just
totally let down.
We have had sex in odd places to spice it
up but still then it has to be in a way to
not hurt him so it's not enjoyable for me.
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Rosie H
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Man..that Is So Tough
Posted: 07-19-07 10:16am
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Sex is not all there is but it has so much
to do with how intimate you are. I feel
your pain and I wish there was a magic
word or something. The only other thing I
can think of is trying a toy to stimilate
you where he cant. Or have him do oral.
Thats what we do cause Daniel doesnt last
that long so we do other things so I can
get my satisfaction. But 6x out of ten I
dont get fully statisfied. I no he trys
though. It can be disappointing.
If its his health thats setting him aside
then you will have to accept him the way
he is. And if that isnt enough for you
then do not cheat yourself or him. Easier
said that done right. Push the doctors to
help him, get on their asses to give him
pain meds or therapy. Help him get
better. Men need so much taking care of.
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nightangel73
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Posted: 07-19-07 17:52pm
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womaninpain I just want to ask out of the
curious...let's say his back can never be
cured for sure and you would have to deal
with these sex issues forever, would you
consider leaving him?
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womaninpain
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
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Posted: 07-19-07 21:37pm
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I am not sure...I have had moments when I
thought about it but I don't think I could
ever actually do it really. I don't have
the desire to be with anyone else and
haven't even in the time we were split up
so I highly doubt I would leave him over
it.
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silvrbreeze
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
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Drunken Sex :p
Posted: 07-24-07 15:25pm
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I just found this post of yours, and I
have to say, my husband really spunks up
sex after him, or usually both of us, have
a little to drink. I am almost 100% sure
that it's because he has his "man guard"
down. He's not worried about anything at
all, and even though I'm sure you two are
completely comfortable together after
being intimate together for so long, men
ARE men. My husband is more vocal and
also not scared to try something totally
new when he's had something to drink. He
just doesn't worry about my reactions or
anything that I guess silly men worry
about at other times.
Let me ask you something... have you ever
had a bit to drink while he's completely
sober and had him initiate sex? I've
found that his reactions are almost the
same when I'M the only one that has had
something to drink. I'm telling you, it's
like they feel they can go wild and have
alcohol to blame it on later if you
comment on anything being
out-of-character. 
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007
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Posted: 07-24-07 15:42pm
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(I am sorry i don't know your name)
I think that in light of all of the other
issues you have posted about in regard to
this man, that you might perhaps think
about breaking off this relationship
altogether. It sounds like there aren't
many things that are good in your
relationship and maybe the only way either
of you will ever really be happy is to
seperate. I certainly am not trying to
sound harsh, I just worry that you
internalize the problems and that you put
up with more than you ever should.
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