Shanyan
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1421
Location: , Canada
Thanks: 11
Thanked:16
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Miscarriage and Depression
Posted: 07-13-07 07:44am
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So yesterday I was supposed to turn 17wks
pregnant but instead I was having a
D&C because on Wed I found out that
the baby had died at 9wks. How can mother
nature be so cruel to let me think that I
am pregnant this whole time.
My uterus was actually measuring for 17
wks because it was all filled with blood
and I was having pregnancy symptoms
because my body was still producing the
pregnancy hormone. I thought that I was
even feeling the baby move but it was just
the blood swishing around. I just feel
devastated.
It really hit me at last night when I went
to bed because this was the time when I
would lye there feeling my belly and
feeling movement. I I really would look
forward to that time but instead last
night I just couldn't stop crying. I feel
like I will never be the same.
The doc had given me pills to help me
expel it on my own but I just couldn't go
through that. I couldn't handle seeing the
sac and knowing that it has been died for
all this time. I just feel so empty now,
Yesterday I could feel my uterus and now
today it is just......gone.
People keep saying that this happened for
a reason (and I know that) and they keep
saying that you can try again but it
doesn't help me now. I have posted about
this a couple of times but not very many
people have responded and that makes me
sad because I thought that we were here to
help people. One of my posts had 43 people
read it and yet only one person responded.
Right now it feels like this is the only
place that I can go for words of support
because there are actually people who have
gone through this. No one in my family
have gone through this so they really
don't know what to say.
Anyways I there is someone on here that
has been through this and can help me
understand why something like this happens
and how to begin the healing process.
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diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006
Posts: 611
Location: ,
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Posted: 07-13-07 08:23am
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Hun noone can answer you as to why this
happened to you there isn't always a
reason and this can make your grief even
harder to stand.
There are no rules to greiving and all
your questions are part of the process you
may never find your answers but one day
you will feel able to move on with the
knowledge that you loved your baby and the
whys and wherefores don't really matter
the fact is you had and loved your little
one for a short time and that initself is
an honour. Your loss will take time to get
over hun and even then you may never get
over the feeling of loss but i promise you
that it will get easier to cope with and
remember your baby without tears and
sadness just give yourself time.
As to all your freinds that are telling
you that you can try again i know they are
trying to be supportive but speak to them
tel them you are not ready to hear you can
try again you lost this baby and another
one will never take it's place( believe me
i know).Have a night in with a close
freind where you can relax and talk about
your baby cry for your baby i stil talk to
both mine and they have been gone 14years
and 10 years it helps to feel close if you
talk to them write your baby letters and
keep them in a box with a flower and other
bits that you feel would be right for
you.
Even better set yourself something
positive to do i cornered of a chunk of
garden and set to making a calm retreat in
it for my boys somewhere to leave cards
and toys for them everything i have
mentioned will help you to move on in your
greif hun it just won't happen over night
you need time to work out your emotions
and come to terms with your loss and
unfortunatly this cannot be rushed.
All the best hun i hope this helps.
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 1015
Location: NSW Australia
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Posted: 07-13-07 10:05am
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i will 17 weeks in a few days and that
happened to me i would be absolutely
devestated.
I am curious as to how come an ultrasound
was not done at the end of your first
trimester.
I am very sorry for your loss and hope
that the healing process is not too
painful to bare.!!
Shar
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BabyFutak
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jan 2007
Posts: 228
Location: ,
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Posted: 07-14-07 03:27am
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The way I look at it is god/mother nature
whatever you believe in had different
plans for you and it was just not the
right time. I know how your feeling and
this is the only way I got through both my
failed pregnancys. I know it hurts trust
me I know and I wish I could give you a
big ole hug and tell you it will be ok but
I know That will only help for a short
while then you will become depressed
again. It took me a few weeks to be ok and
I would lie if I said I was ok now because
it stills hurts to think about. I am here
if you need to talk to me and don;t think
it was your medication unless you where
abusing it as I was with my first
pregnancy and the doctor said it was ok
then don't worry. I however do blame
myself for my first because I was taking
3-4 ibuprofen every 6 hours to dull the
pain of my tooth. Even though I didn't
know I was pregnant I still blame myself.
If you have Aim feel free to Im me anytime
Ducky537 is my screenname also I have a
myspace and It is www.myspace.com/punkduck
Hugs my dear and please know you are not
alone We are all here to help you. HUggies
again!
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taykare
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007
Posts: 200
Location: Manitoba, canada
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Posted: 07-14-07 04:52am
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my dear I feel for you and am praying for
you. I in times of great sorrow I turn to
the lord for comfort in his words. I know
nothing I can stay can take the pain of
losing your baby away. I too have lost
babies that far along and farther and
everytime hurts just as bad. I do believe
that God has my child up in heaven with
HIm and I will get to meet this child when
I get there. In the bible it tells us that
God knew us before we were born and knew
everyhair on our head. If you are open try
going to Him for comfort as He is the
great councellor and comforter among many
other thiings. I wish you well. This will
be hard for awhile and if you need a
should you can PM me when ever you like
day night anytime. My heart is just aching
for you. Everyone grieves in different
ways so try different things and hopefully
something will come as a comfort you.
Wether it is God, your partner or just
....... lack of words sorry. You can have
your own little service to say good-bye
that may help. Just speak out loud or
write a letter to your baby that passed
away. Take care. We are all here for you.
I think some people who saw your post but
did not post back may have just known what
to say and did not want to say something
that hurt you so they said nothing.
taykare lots of love and hugs to you.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 07-14-07 05:40am
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i agree that it's hard to know what to say
especially if you've never been through
it. i think that is why a lot of people
don't respond. it's not that they don't
care or feel for you. sometimes words
just don't cut it. it's totally natural
that you cared for that baby and it was a
unique being that had life for a little
while because of you. when people say
these things happen for a reason, that
seems empty and isn't of much comfort. i
think what they mean by that is that
sometimes things just don't go right,
right from the beginning and the body
knows that the baby won't make it in the
outside world because it isn't developing
right. there's no explanations for this,
it just happens sometimes. that is why
every baby is a miracle. i agree that you
can just let people know you aren't
finished grieving yet and it doesn't help
to hear that you can always have another
one. this one was special to you and you
need to take time to say goodbye and let
her spirit go. when i was afraid of
losing my baby because i had to have
surgery, i prayed like there was no
tomorrow. i asked others to pray for me
and i found a lot of strength and comfort
in my faith. i hope you find some
strength and comfort as well and i WILL
pray for you i promise. be kind to
yourself. try to give people the benefit
of the doubt even when they don't know the
right things to say. god bless you and
keep you. i'm sure you'll get through
this and you'll be stronger for it in the
end, it will just take time. take care.
* i just wanted to add that there are no
rules to how you should be feeling.
especially considering the hormone shifts
you will be going through. you may feel
fine today and even laugh and be happy.
then the next day you may feel down again.
you might even feel a bit angry. just
let your feelings be what they are and
don't judge them or run away from them. i
just wanted to say that because sometimes
when something bad happens we feel like we
need to walk around with a long face
because that is what people expect of us
or that we need to act cheerful around
others when we don't really feel that way
inside. it's natural to be on an
emotional rollercoaster sometimes and if
you just accept your feelings as they come
and find some way to express them and
share them with others, you will be able
to heal in time.
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Assena
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 328
Location: Georgia
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In a Similar Boat...
Posted: 07-14-07 15:29pm
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i'm sorry hon.... i would have posted
sooner except i just had a d&c done
monday and am just now up to really
talking. I lost my baby at 9 weeks as
well. I am so sorry *hugs* there is
nothing anyone can say or do to take the
anguish, pain and sheer anger from you.
Only time will do that (or like i did take
it out on a punching bag... a lot... ) you
can pm me anytime you want to rant, vent
or just talk.
*edit, i read your other posts... after.
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kanga01
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 1
Location: ,
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Posted: 07-17-07 08:36am
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I am so sorry that you are going through
this. It is very hard to understand why
any of us have had to endure such pain.
Right now, there won't be much that people
will say that will comfort you. Grieve
how you want and for as long as you want.
Remember, don't try to tell yourself that
you need to get over this because you
won't. It will get a little easier as
times go by, but you will never forget
what you have been through. Talking to a
therapist has helped me or maybe you could
attend some support groups. I think it is
natural that we search for answers to why
this has happened to us, but we rarely get
any. My daughter Gabriella was born still
at 19w3d on 8/17/05. It has been almost 2
years and I stll have times where it seems
like it happend yesterday and I feel
thrown right back into depression. Please
take time to take care of "you" and talk
about how you feel to the people closest
to you. That quote "everthing happens for
a reason, or you can try again" just erks
me. I guess sometimes people don't know
what to say and they say really dumb
things. (((HUGS))) to you.
Kanga01
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Shanyan
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1421
Location: , Canada
Thanks: 11
Thanked:16
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Posted: 07-17-07 09:20am
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Thank you everyone for all the lovely
comments. I would be lost without these
forums. They have really been a great
help. It gives me the chance to talk about
it if I need too. I am doing better
emotionally. I bought a little angel
pendant to put on my chain, so whenever I
think about the baby I can touch it
instead of rubbing my tummy and it seems
to be helping. (rubbing the tummy is a
hard habit to break)
Anyways thanks again and I appreciate
everybody's wonderful words of comfort.
Shannah
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kjducs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 2
Location: Alberta
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You're Not Alone
Posted: 07-20-07 00:39am
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Let yourself grieve...you have had a
terribile loss. I lost my baby too last
week, and your words felt like they were
mine.
I know that miscarriages are common, as
you know as well. However, these were OUR
babies...and now they are gone. Starting
over seems like such a formidable task.
My heart is with you,
Jodine
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ilovemyfishies81
Supporter
Joined: 13 Jul 2007
Posts: 1554
Location: Raleigh, NC
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
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Posted: 07-22-07 08:08am
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i feel the same way! how can nature be so
cruel and how can doctors be so dumb!
thats a long time to go thinking that your
pregnant and your mind telling your body
that your having symptoms and yet
NOTHING!
*Edited for profanity
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hopinginNJ
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 12
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Posted: 10-02-07 15:30pm
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I just read your post. My heart goes out
to you and your family. It's terrible
that anyone has to go through what you
have endured. I am truly sorry for your
loss. I also had a missed miscarriage, but
at 11 weeks 2 days. I know that you could
have knocked me over with a feather when
they told me there was no heartbeat. I
had 3 ultrasounds before that one--saw the
heartbeat 3 times, growth was normal. It
was the worst thing I've ever been
through--can only imagine what you went
through being 6 weeks further along.
Please accept my condolences. Hope this
finds you feeling a little better than
when you posted.
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Shanyan
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1421
Location: , Canada
Thanks: 11
Thanked:16
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Posted: 10-15-07 12:24pm
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I am definitely doing much better now. It
was really hard for a while as I'm sure
you know the feeling  . I think one of the
hardest things was still having symptoms
for such a long time (like 2 months after)
afterwards. I kept thinking that there was
a possibility that I conceived again but
every time I would test I would get a bfn.
It is also hard to see women who are
pregnant because it always makes me think
that i am supposed to be that pregnant.
Anyways, I am sorry that you had to go
through it too. I wish that women didn't
have to experience this because it is one
of the hardest things that I ever had to
go through and I don't wish it upon
anybody,even my worst enemy. Hopefully it
won't take me too much longer to conceive
again!!
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ilovemyfishies81
Supporter
Joined: 13 Jul 2007
Posts: 1554
Location: Raleigh, NC
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
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Posted: 10-15-07 14:46pm
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| Shanyan
wrote: | | I am definitely doing much
better now. It was really hard for a while
as I'm sure you know the feeling . I think one of the
hardest things was still having symptoms
for such a long time (like 2 months after)
afterwards. I kept thinking that there was
a possibility that I conceived again but
every time I would test I would get a bfn.
It is also hard to see women who are
pregnant because it always makes me think
that i am supposed to be that pregnant.
Anyways, I am sorry that you had to go
through it too. I wish that women didn't
have to experience this because it is one
of the hardest things that I ever had to
go through and I don't wish it upon
anybody,even my worst enemy. Hopefully it
won't take me too much longer to conceive
again!! |
hey just to let u know i only had one
cycle after my miscarriage and i am now
6w4d so dont get discouraged keep testing
i got negatives before i got a positive. i
dunno besides i may have tested to early
or my hcg was not high ennough yet. so
test again in a week, thats what i did and
i got my bfp
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gingerelizabeth
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 79
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Hey
Posted: 01-04-08 23:35pm
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its totally normal to be depressed after
such a horrible life changing thing has
occurred
just keep your head high and know that
even though your baby is here, you did all
you could.
things will get better with time
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