Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Question For Pro-lifers and Pro-choicers Posted: 07-15-07 06:39am
I'm going to give you situation and you
can tell me what should a woman do ok. I'm
pro-choice but I'm not starting a fight
ok.
A girl is 19 years old and she really does
not want to become pregnant. Her parents
never taught her anything about sex, birth
control, STDs etc. She grew up in a
conservative country that does not teach
sex ed. Her parents are both devout
catholics and don't want her having sex
until she is married. The girl on the
other hand, enjoys her sexuality and even
though she wasn't taught about bc, sex,
etc, she tried to know it by herself by
researching and gathering info. She wants
to become a doctor in the future, so there
is no way that she can handle being
pregnant and even having a baby.
Because she doesn't want to have a baby
until she got married, she uses the most
effective type of reversible birth
control; an IUD and condoms.
Actually this girl is ME.
I've never been pregnant and as much as
you pro-life people hate abortion, i
wouldn't want to subject myself to the
procedure, though I respect other women's
decision either way. However, I do really
think that having sex at my age is normal
and that I enjoy having sex with my
boyfriend. Would you suggest me to stop
having sex until I get married which will
be at around 30 years old? Because there
is always a possibility of pregnancy even
w/ the most effective birth control, I can
still end up getting pregnant, although
there is a greater chance that it won't
happen. IF I do end up pregnant, my
parents w/o literally disown me and would
just go home to my own country to retire
and not support me for my pre-med
education anymore. I am an only child too
and I don't have a lot of relatives that I
could turn to. In your own opinion, what
do you think should I do when I become
pregnant? For now, I clinging towards
abortion. I want to hear your reactions
about this. Thank you. pro-choice people
are also welcome to answer.
Reminder: These are all just what-if's.
Currently, I am not pregnant and never
been pregnant.
|
HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 07-15-07 09:14am
well it's your life, not mine.
it sounds like you have a lot going for
you, good for you for going to medical
school.
if you become pregnant i would say that...
you could keep the baby. I'm sure
many people who have gone to school to be
doctors have had children and have
survived it, it'd just make that obstacle
that much harder. But considering your
parents would disown you, that'd be your
decision and I wouldn't judge either way.
By the way, not bashing your parents or
anything, but I love how "devout"
christians would literally abandon their
own kids in a time like this and judge
them even when they aren't supposed to.
what great christians.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3966 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 129
Thanked:12
Posted: 07-15-07 09:59am
I'm pc, so it's your body, your life, your
choice. I think it's ridiculous to wait
until marriage to have sex. I also think
it's ridiculous that your parents didn't
teach you about sex. Furthermore, it's
ridiculous that they'd toss you out when
you needed them.
Anyways, an IUD and condoms are going to
be pretty effective. I would doubt that
you'd become pregnant.
Why do you ask this, may I inquire? It's
kind of odd to post this hypothetical
situation just looking for opinions of
complete strangers when you already lean
towards one thing over another. Just
curious.
|
san54
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2003 Posts: 227 Location: Virginia
Posted: 07-15-07 10:29am
Let me tell you my story. I had an
abortion over 30 years ago. I would not
do it again. I was stupid back then. I
had an IUD put in. I met someone who
turned out to be my husband. I got
pregnant with the IUD in. But the thing
of it is at the time I did not know it. I
wanted to have a baby so I asked my doctor
to remove the IUD. Of course, I had a
miscarriage because of it. The only true
birth control is abstinence. No one wants
to hear it but that is what it is.
You are not emotionally or
financially ready for an unexpected
pregnancy.
I would slow down.
|
diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 07-15-07 14:14pm
Myself i would advise an iud along with a
diaghram(excuse the spelling) and a condom
on top you can never be to careful when it
comes to the diffrence between life and
death for a human be it born or unborn.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-15-07 15:10pm
diamond splinter
wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud
along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling)
and a condom on top you can never be to
careful when it comes to the diffrence
between life and death for a human be it
born or
unborn.
There is a pill for acne called Acutane.
On this pill, they demand that all females
use two forms of birth control if they are
sexually active. Acutane always causes
severe birth defects.
Two methods is all that is needed in most
all cases to prevent pregnancy; it is the
amount recommended by doctors who are
trying to prevent pregnancy in Acutane
users!
The IDU, pill, depo and patch are
considered primary forms of birth control.
You must combine these with a secondary
form. Secondary forms of birth control are
condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps or
spermicides.
This means:
IUD + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap
or spermicide
Pills + condom or diaphragm or cervical
cap or spermicide
Depo + condom or diaphragm or cervical cap
or spermicide
Patch + condom or diaphragm or cervical
cap or spermicide
Adding a third method does not
significantly affect your chances of
preventing pregnancy.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 15:52pm
san54
wrote:
Let me tell you my story. I
had an abortion over 30 years ago. I
would not do it again. I was stupid back
then. I had an IUD put in. I met someone
who turned out to be my husband. I got
pregnant with the IUD in. But the thing
of it is at the time I did not know it. I
wanted to have a baby so I asked my doctor
to remove the IUD. Of course, I had a
miscarriage because of it. The only true
birth control is abstinence. No one wants
to hear it but that is what it is.
You are not emotionally or
financially ready for an unexpected
pregnancy.
I would slow
down.
so you are suggesting abstinence until 30?
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 15:55pm
Birch
wrote:
I'm pc, so it's your body,
your life, your choice. I think it's
ridiculous to wait until marriage to have
sex. I also think it's ridiculous that
your parents didn't teach you about sex.
Furthermore, it's ridiculous that they'd
toss you out when you needed them.
Anyways, an IUD and condoms are going to
be pretty effective. I would doubt that
you'd become pregnant.
Why do you ask this, may I inquire? It's
kind of odd to post this hypothetical
situation just looking for opinions of
complete strangers when you already lean
towards one thing over another. Just
curious.
The reason why I'm asking this is because
I'm debating about the topic myself. I am
a christian and I'm also pro-choice and
torn between the two. I know it is
rediculous that I'm asking a hypothetical
question that isn't even happening but
this is the way I handle things. I usually
plan for everything in the future although
there is a small chance of it not
happening. I always have plan a and plan
all planned out.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 15:56pm
diamond splinter
wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud
along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling)
and a condom on top you can never be to
careful when it comes to the diffrence
between life and death for a human be it
born or
unborn.
I don't think diaghram is okay to use with
the IUD, although I could be wrong
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-15-07 16:03pm
haliparot
wrote:
diamond splinter
wrote:
Myself i would advise an iud
along with a diaghram(excuse the spelling)
and a condom on top you can never be to
careful when it comes to the diffrence
between life and death for a human be it
born or
unborn.
I don't think diaghram is okay to use with
the IUD, although I could be
wrong
It very well may not be! If someone was
thinking of that method, they have to be
"fitted" for one anyway, so the doctor is
going to find out she's (the hypothetical
woman) got in an IUD in anyway, unless she
was stupid and lied about it. But since
the gyno is going to be looking in the
vagina for the fitting, she's going to see
the strings!
I also think cervical caps and an IUD
would be a bad idea; however I just don't
know, so for the sake of completeness I
listed them all.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-15-07 16:11pm
Haliport, I'm pc too and I know you wanted
pl answers but... lol, I have to put in my
2 cents lol.
It's hard to know for sure when you're
outside of the situation to know what you
would do. I've never been pregnant, and my
opinion of what I would personally do has
changed many times. I myself would have a
hard time with an abortion because my
mother is so against them; but also, she
has said she would take the baby if I
tried to give it up for adoption and raise
it herself. I am strongly against that.
It's my baby, my body, my choice.
Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as
long as I got to chose the couple:
lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that
for a loving homosexual couple. I also
wouldn't be too bothered by an
abortion, though it's honestly a choice
better for other people and not so much
myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice.
Because... I have the choice to chose any
three of the solutions...
I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer
adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a
child right now. My biggest issue is that
either way, I'd want to go back to school
in the fall but I know my parents would
never allow it... I'd become a prisoner
here. They've already done so much for me
and I've made so many mistakes, it's the
last thing I want to happen to them. I
personally could handle being pregnant and
having to make the choice. I'm okay with
it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I
would be happy in fact to give a child to
a family that couldn't have one. But my
parents view it as the ultimate failure
and taboo.
|
Gu£st
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Apr 2007 Posts: 675 Location: SUBMERGED IN TRUTH
Posted: 07-15-07 17:18pm
What is a normal age to have sex?
Naturally it is from the moment of
puberty, when the body is able to
reproduce from then on the body is at the
normal time to have sex.
Why marriage at 30 years old?
if your not ready for marriage now.....why
not?
do the answers you reply with not give you
reason to abstain from intercourse?
again why 30, why put a time on it?
If you loved the person, you would want to
marry them straight away...how do can you
test if you love them or are merely
infattuated.... a method that is used by
many devout catholics is to remain in the
relationship for two years without
engaging in sexual pleasures if after two
years the relationship is strong and a
sense of love exists then it is a very
good sign.
So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2
years without sex ect, if after 2 years
everything is fine, then it is a good sign
that Marriage would be successful. Once
married then the couple need not try for a
child but still are able to engage in
intercourse without artifical
contraception via natural family planning,
that is intercourse planned around the
fertiliity cycle.
Engaging in sex before marriage confuses
the person since one of the purposes of
sex is to build up a relationship that is
already founded on love. It also means
there is the possibility of getting
pregnant outside of a commited
relationship which leave both parties in a
strange possition.
As a result my advice would be abstinance
for 2 years then get married...and if you
fail to remain chaste in that time end the
relationship.... it is a method I use
myself.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 17:25pm
Eiri
wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I
know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I
have to put in my 2 cents lol.
It's hard to know for sure when you're
outside of the situation to know what you
would do. I've never been pregnant, and my
opinion of what I would personally do has
changed many times. I myself would have a
hard time with an abortion because my
mother is so against them; but also, she
has said she would take the baby if I
tried to give it up for adoption and raise
it herself. I am strongly against that.
It's my baby, my body, my choice.
Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as
long as I got to chose the couple:
lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that
for a loving homosexual couple. I also
wouldn't be too bothered by an
abortion, though it's honestly a choice
better for other people and not so much
myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice.
Because... I have the choice to chose any
three of the solutions...
I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer
adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a
child right now. My biggest issue is that
either way, I'd want to go back to school
in the fall but I know my parents would
never allow it... I'd become a prisoner
here. They've already done so much for me
and I've made so many mistakes, it's the
last thing I want to happen to them. I
personally could handle being pregnant and
having to make the choice. I'm okay with
it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I
would be happy in fact to give a child to
a family that couldn't have one. But my
parents view it as the ultimate failure
and taboo.
my parents sounds like your parents. They
view pregnancy before marriage as the end
of somebody's life and future and a
complete failure for both the girl and the
girl's parents. I completely understand
your situation. Still, I want to know why
your parents wouldn't allow you to go back
to school this fall?
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 17:39pm
Gu£st
wrote:
What is a normal age to have
sex?
Naturally it is from the moment of
puberty, when the body is able to
reproduce from then on the body is at the
normal time to have sex.
Why marriage at 30 years old?
if your not ready for marriage now.....why
not?
do the answers you reply with not give you
reason to abstain from intercourse?
again why 30, why put a time on it?
If you loved the person, you would want to
marry them straight away...how do can you
test if you love them or are merely
infattuated.... a method that is used by
many devout catholics is to remain in the
relationship for two years without
engaging in sexual pleasures if after two
years the relationship is strong and a
sense of love exists then it is a very
good sign.
So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2
years without sex ect, if after 2 years
everything is fine, then it is a good sign
that Marriage would be successful. Once
married then the couple need not try for a
child but still are able to engage in
intercourse without artifical
contraception via natural family planning,
that is intercourse planned around the
fertiliity cycle.
Engaging in sex before marriage confuses
the person since one of the purposes of
sex is to build up a relationship that is
already founded on love. It also means
there is the possibility of getting
pregnant outside of a commited
relationship which leave both parties in a
strange possition.
As a result my advice would be abstinance
for 2 years then get married...and if you
fail to remain chaste in that time end the
relationship.... it is a method I use
myself.
You know life is not as easy as that. I am
a christian but I'm pro-choice. Many
people like yourself seems to have a
distorted view of reality. Life and
relationship is not as easy as staying in
a relationship for 2 years, getting
married and living happily ever after. I'm
19, I want to be a doctor, I can't get
married and have kids because I have a
dream in life that I want to fulfill.
Having a family while being in medical
school is not only extremely hard, but it
can put a strain to someone's relationship
in tear them a part. YOu know what that
means. DIVORCE.
Another divorce would only add to the
increasing number of broken families and
to the explosion of children affected by
complications in the family. Obviously,
you seem to live in a world full of
fairies and fantasies. Modern women
nowadays don't just want to get married
and have kids. Personally, I consider
myself MORE as a career woman rather than
a mother. Marrying when I turned 21 not
only will ruin all the plans about myself
but also with my partner.
Also, I wanted to be a ready as a I can be
BEFORE I start a family. Isn't it only
rational to finish schooling, get a good
job, travel, etc. BEFORE starting a family
so that the parents will be able to
provide everything for their family. Many
women at my age don't have the resources
to do that and some of them don't even
have money in their bank accounts.
Where do you live? do you even live in the
united states? You seem way too
traditional for me.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-15-07 18:31pm
haliparot
wrote:
Eiri
wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I
know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I
have to put in my 2 cents lol.
It's hard to know for sure when you're
outside of the situation to know what you
would do. I've never been pregnant, and my
opinion of what I would personally do has
changed many times. I myself would have a
hard time with an abortion because my
mother is so against them; but also, she
has said she would take the baby if I
tried to give it up for adoption and raise
it herself. I am strongly against that.
It's my baby, my body, my choice.
Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as
long as I got to chose the couple:
lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that
for a loving homosexual couple. I also
wouldn't be too bothered by an
abortion, though it's honestly a choice
better for other people and not so much
myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice.
Because... I have the choice to chose any
three of the solutions...
I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer
adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a
child right now. My biggest issue is that
either way, I'd want to go back to school
in the fall but I know my parents would
never allow it... I'd become a prisoner
here. They've already done so much for me
and I've made so many mistakes, it's the
last thing I want to happen to them. I
personally could handle being pregnant and
having to make the choice. I'm okay with
it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I
would be happy in fact to give a child to
a family that couldn't have one. But my
parents view it as the ultimate failure
and taboo.
my parents sounds like your parents. They
view pregnancy before marriage as the end
of somebody's life and future and a
complete failure for both the girl and the
girl's parents. I completely understand
your situation. Still, I want to know why
your parents wouldn't allow you to go back
to school this
fall?
It's frustrating isn't it? People like
Guest think life is black and white, cut
and dry, simple and easy "as long as you
follow the bible" everything will be
perfect! Ha!
We live in Florida (well, my parents do)
and I attend college in NY. So, they'd
want to keep their claws in my back if I
was pregnant! I'd have to attend the local
community college and get my bachelors
there before I think they'd trust me
again.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 18:51pm
Gu£st
wrote:
What is a normal age to have
sex?
Naturally it is from the moment of
puberty, when the body is able to
reproduce from then on the body is at the
normal time to have sex.
Why marriage at 30 years old?
if your not ready for marriage now.....why
not?
do the answers you reply with not give you
reason to abstain from intercourse?
again why 30, why put a time on it?
If you loved the person, you would want to
marry them straight away...how do can you
test if you love them or are merely
infattuated.... a method that is used by
many devout catholics is to remain in the
relationship for two years without
engaging in sexual pleasures if after two
years the relationship is strong and a
sense of love exists then it is a very
good sign.
So if your 18 in a relationship wait 2
years without sex ect, if after 2 years
everything is fine, then it is a good sign
that Marriage would be successful. Once
married then the couple need not try for a
child but still are able to engage in
intercourse without artifical
contraception via natural family planning,
that is intercourse planned around the
fertiliity cycle.
Engaging in sex before marriage confuses
the person since one of the purposes of
sex is to build up a relationship that is
already founded on love. It also means
there is the possibility of getting
pregnant outside of a commited
relationship which leave both parties in a
strange possition.
As a result my advice would be abstinance
for 2 years then get married...and if you
fail to remain chaste in that time end the
relationship.... it is a method I use
myself.
I guess that you don't have any idea of
natural family planning's failure rate.
Actually people practicing natural family
planning only have one thing in common;
They are PARENTS.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 18:54pm
Eiri
wrote:
haliparot
wrote:
Eiri
wrote:
Haliport, I'm pc too and I
know you wanted pl answers but... lol, I
have to put in my 2 cents lol.
It's hard to know for sure when you're
outside of the situation to know what you
would do. I've never been pregnant, and my
opinion of what I would personally do has
changed many times. I myself would have a
hard time with an abortion because my
mother is so against them; but also, she
has said she would take the baby if I
tried to give it up for adoption and raise
it herself. I am strongly against that.
It's my baby, my body, my choice.
Personally, I'd be okay with adoption as
long as I got to chose the couple:
lesbians or gays! lol. I'd love to do that
for a loving homosexual couple. I also
wouldn't be too bothered by an
abortion, though it's honestly a choice
better for other people and not so much
myself. Still, I am very much pro-choice.
Because... I have the choice to chose any
three of the solutions...
I don't know what I'd do, but I'd prefer
adoption or abortion. I cannot raise a
child right now. My biggest issue is that
either way, I'd want to go back to school
in the fall but I know my parents would
never allow it... I'd become a prisoner
here. They've already done so much for me
and I've made so many mistakes, it's the
last thing I want to happen to them. I
personally could handle being pregnant and
having to make the choice. I'm okay with
it. It wouldn't be the end of my world. I
would be happy in fact to give a child to
a family that couldn't have one. But my
parents view it as the ultimate failure
and taboo.
my parents sounds like your parents. They
view pregnancy before marriage as the end
of somebody's life and future and a
complete failure for both the girl and the
girl's parents. I completely understand
your situation. Still, I want to know why
your parents wouldn't allow you to go back
to school this
fall?
It's frustrating isn't it? People like
Guest think life is black and white, cut
and dry, simple and easy "as long as you
follow the bible" everything will be
perfect! Ha!
We live in Florida (well, my parents do)
and I attend college in NY. So, they'd
want to keep their claws in my back if I
was pregnant! I'd have to attend the local
community college and get my bachelors
there before I think they'd trust me
again.
I do commend you though for having as much
understanding as you do right now despite
of your parent's attitude. Good luck and I
hope that they will change their minds.
However, community colleges are not bad
substitutes to universities. Although I
would not deny the fact that universities
are better when it comes to bringing the
best out of a person.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-15-07 19:00pm
Yeah, the only thing is that I would
consider myself a failure for not
finishing college right. I would beat
myself up mentally for not being able to
do it. I think that would cause more
depression than an abortion or post-partum
depression! I don't know if I would want
to live. I think I'd stop caring.
|
haliparot
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2004 Posts: 209 Location: San Diego, CA United States
Posted: 07-15-07 19:03pm
Eiri
wrote:
Yeah, the only thing is that
I would consider myself a failure for not
finishing college right. I would beat
myself up mentally for not being able to
do it. I think that would cause more
depression than an abortion or post-partum
depression!
lol...same here
|
Gu£st
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Apr 2007 Posts: 675 Location: SUBMERGED IN TRUTH
Posted: 07-16-07 02:35am
NFP has a success rate of 99.8% that is
0.2 pregnancies per 100 women and is
widely accepted as being as effective as
using condoms some say that it is more
effective.
here is a report on NFP by the British
Medical Journal
