Dealing With Death

What culture are you from, kaerbear? I think you may have mentioned it before but I can't remember.

That volunteer experience sounds very fullfilling. Did you enjoy it?

I think some adults "hide" death from their children because they have not learned how to deal with it, either.

i'm cree from northern manitoba. i'm glad i volunteered to do that and i want to do it again but it was really sad sometimes when they were missing their families especially. the thing that really got to me was that they would want to see the children in the family and the parents wouldn't allow it. it just felt like that person had already been thrown away because they were dying. and yet, children can be so carefree and compassionate to someone who is ill, they can't help but be cheered up by them.

my fiancee's uncle just died a week ago. i had never had the chance to meet him because he lived in vancouver and was in a wheelchair so he couldn't travel much (he had ms). but when i talked to my fiancee's brother about it he seemed so angry about it. i think some people just get very angry about death because it's something out of our control.

i don't know what has me thinking about this today.

My first sort of experience with death was brief; my great grandmother was slowly starving herself to death. I only saw her once or twice a year, but I knew even at that young age what death was. I guess being an army brat kind of makes knowledge of death an important issue... since my father could have died. He didn't thank god.

When I was a freshman in high-school, my grandpa died. We were in the house for his last week of life. He wasted away due to several conditions and complications, so we knew it was coming. It was hard, but a big relief that his suffering was finally over. He died in his sleep in the house.

My uncle who I didn't know well died when I was a senior. That funeral was odd, heh... I was able to walk up and see my grandpa, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to stare at the dead body of an uncle I didn't know well.

This past December, my other grandpa died. It was sudden; Aortic Embolism or something or other... Basically the huge artery that runs down a person's back, got a hernia on it, like a balloon... it didn't burst. But he'd always had weak kidneys due to polio as a child, and so they didn't turn on after the surgery was done. My grandmother had him removed from life support four days later. Christmas happened during all of this, and my birthday. Talk about sucky!!! I sat with him in the hospital, though I never saw him regain consciousness. I guess he did, the first morning after the operation, and squeezed my mom's hand...

I didnt really know much about death when my Grandmother on my dad's side passed away. that happened when i was only 3 or 4 years old. When my grandmother on my mom's side was ill with breast cancer, i knew about death b/c then i was 8 years old. i afraid was to be around her by myself b/c she was dying. She was on hospice and used a hospital bed. It hurt to see her that way. She eventually passed away. Then just a few months later my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and he shortly passed away. I've dealt with the death of my loved ones by expressing my emotions. Allowing the tears to flow. I still think about them everyday. There are even some times that i still cry. I had the support of my family members, friends and even the support from my elementary school I went to at the time. my family and I all tried to stick together and make it through. I feel bad for my mom cuz she has dreams that she is remarrying my father all over again. Geez....I'm starting to cry just thinking about my family whom moved on to another life in heaven.

i regret reading the first couple posts of this thread, i think im one of those people who has a hard time dealing with death, although i would never ever ever leave my mother or any of my family or friends to die alone.

im crying reading about you visiting those people whos families didn't come visit them, that's so horrible.

i had a huge experience with death back in november and another terrifying experience a week later with my grandma and i thought she was going to die and it was one of the most crazy/stressful times ever. i've never been that close to someone who died (we werent close but he lived with me) and that was the first time i ever had to experience staying at the hospital at all hours of the night, sleeping on the hospital floor afraid to close my eyes because i was afraid that when i opened them it'd be because people were sobbing and telling me that he was gone, and then watching my family cry for days and weeks and plan a funeral.


im terrified of death, bleh.

My family is very stoic... we don't cry often, and when we do, we do it in small groups. We don't do public displays of explosive emotion... We're emotional people, we just don't do it in public.

I too used to volunteer on the pallative care ward ...i was only supposed to go once a week but i chose too go alot more ....it was hard the first few times and it never got easier but i felt better inside knowing that i was able too put a smile on alot of peoples faces the last lil while they had here with us ....i know alot of people are unable too emotionally do it ...but its one thing i never will regret.

i had to deal with death at 14 when my mom died.i was very upset that my dad and family decided to have a party. At that time i just thought it was messed up. but at that time is when my dad started the playing favorites with my brothers. i no longer had my mother to stick up for me.
At 14 i did not know how to handle my anger about death. i was just so angery and it seemed like my father did not care. His way of dealing with me since i was so mad was he had me put in a mental instution.i had to stay for a week.




by the way 6 months after my mother passed away i had a new step mom...... my mothers older sister....just one of the many reasons why i hate my father.

i don't think it's good to shelter children from death or to shelter them from seeing grief after a death. i have an extremely large family i have 8 aunts and uncles on my mother's side alone so it seems like someone is always dying. i would have said that had a good idea of how to handle death until my mother died. nothing ever prepares you for something like that, no matter how old you are. as far as leaving someone to die alone, that is just cruel! I camped out in the hospital with my mother for three days not knowing that she was already dead. When they would let us go back to see her I wouldn't leave until they made me because she was my mother and she would never have left me alone. Trust me, I was petrified that I'd have to watch her die. I don't understand how anyone could be so uncaring that they would let their fear of seeing someone die keep them away so that their loved one dies alone. Even though she was already dead I was still there to hold her hand when they took her off of life support. People that would do any less are selfish in the extreme.

I have a question for any and all of you...
How did you(or how will you) explain to your children the cycle of life?
Will you sugar coat it?
For many years, i truly believed a cloud would float down and pick me up. That's how i'd get to Heaven. I think i appreciate those days a lot more. I loved being young and naive.
Unlike me, my children won't get the sweet fairytale ending. Even if i wanted to, with everything they learn around them, it's almost impossible.

It wasn't sugar coated for me. Someone posted ages ago the book I actually learned with; it taught me of how animals, plants, birds and humans reproduce. I was 5. I wanted to know, so my parents told me with the help of that book. I went "Oh, okay!" and was far ahead of most kids for years and years.

As for death, I knew bugs and stuff died when you squished them, and so I didn't do that often. I was a very aware child. I knew people died when they got sick or old or hurt. My hamster died and I was sad; but the death that truly angered me when I was in 3rd grade was my puppy. I lost my faith in God at that point; that was also around the time I learned that Santa wasn't real. I'd begun to suspect, but peeking and seeing my dad putting together one of my toys solidified that. It didn't upset me, but the puppy did.

So I think the death of my puppy really taught me how final and sad death can be when you truly care about the person (or animal). It taught me life really isn't fair sometimes.

My first experience with death was when my Geegee (great-grandpa) died when I was 7. I don't remember how my mom dealt with that one though... all I remember is sitting on the pew at the funeral and being so ticked because my butt fell asleep And I remember following the hearse to the grave, and then coming home and crying when I looked at the ceramic dove he gave me.

My first REAL experience with it happened two weekends ago when one of my best friends died in a bus crash. That is and was really hard.

Kearbear, you are an inspiration to me. I try and be the best possible person I can be, but it seems that it just comes naturally for you.

Katrina, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Nothing that bad has ever happened to me, and I can't even try to imagine what you are going through. Hang in there.