knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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My Wife Is Asexual -- Need Advice From Women
Posted: 07-16-07 21:16pm
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Hi,
my wife has no interest in sex, and she's
very shy to even talk about it..
can you give me advice to get her to think
about this ??
I've been really understanding but it'll
been a long time and i'm starting to get
upset.
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womaninpain
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 179
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Posted: 07-16-07 21:22pm
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I am right there with you. I am so
frustrated and annoyed at this point. I
never talked to anyone about this before
and came on here but I have been so
stressed about it lately that I called my
best friend (a guy) for advice...he didn't
have much to tell me though he just said
to try something different...doesn' work
that way. I am curious to see what others
will say I need advice on this too.
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knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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What's Up With Him
Posted: 07-16-07 22:47pm
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Ask him what's bothering him. maybe it's
work stress related.. maybe he's
interested in someone else...
bug him about it.. you'll get some kind
of answer
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
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Posted: 07-16-07 22:50pm
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 porn :]
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womaninpain
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 179
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Posted: 07-17-07 09:55am
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the_girlfriend you crack me up. Porn is
your answer for everything...lol
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
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Posted: 07-17-07 13:21pm
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| womaninpain
wrote: | | the_girlfriend you crack me
up. Porn is your answer for
everything...lol |
it works im tellin ya!!!!!!!!!
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003
Posts: 1404
Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 55
Thanked:65
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Wine
Posted: 07-17-07 13:28pm
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Wine or Capn Morgan works too! If she is
too shy to even discuss this with you,
there is no way she will participate in
watching porn. She was once into you
otherswise she would not have been your
wife. What happened along the way? Could
be somehting medical as well?
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
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Re: Wine
Posted: 07-17-07 13:29pm
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| Fairy*Godmother
wrote: | | Wine or Capn Morgan works
too! If she is too shy to even discuss
this with you, there is no way she will
participate in watching porn. She was once
into you otherswise she would not have
been your wife. What happened along the
way? Could be somehting medical as
well? |
yep fairy godmother has a point
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knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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Well Now That You Mention It
Posted: 07-18-07 12:42pm
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she has super low self esteem and she has
come to being bulimic and anorexic.
let's just say that it's starting to get
to me on many levels
I'm taking her to therapy with me so we
can work this out..
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 5542
Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
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Re: Well Now That You Mention It
Posted: 07-18-07 12:45pm
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| knarf72
wrote: | she has super low self
esteem and she has come to being bulimic
and anorexic.
let's just say that it's starting to get
to me on many levels
I'm taking her to therapy with me so we
can work this
out.. |
Well if she has super low self esteem and
an eating disorder why are you even
asking?? That's your problem.
The lack of interest in sex is not the
main problem, it is just a symptom. This
woman needs some help and patience from an
understanding man. Therapy is a very good
start. For both of you. She will need help
with these other problems before sex is
even considered.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003
Posts: 1404
Location: , Georgia USA
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Thanked:65
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I Agree
Posted: 07-18-07 14:15pm
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I agree with Georgia59 in that lack of
sexual drive is the least of your worries.
If you love this woman, you will continue
to take her to therapy and be there for
her. You will understand that this bulimic
and anorexic BS she is trying to cope with
is all about control. Her weight is the
one thing she believes she has control
over....but in reality she feels she's
lost control over everything. Of course
she doesnt' want ot have sex.......Who
even thinks about sex when their self
esteem is low. If you can't feel good
about yourself, you sure a hell don't
think others find you attractive. I feel
sorry for your wife and yes I feel for you
too. IT takes time and patience and
understanding. If she is willing to go to
therapy to keep your marriage on the right
track, thats at least trying I'd say.
Until she starts to feel some control over
her own life.......you could help her
out....you have a hand don't you? USE it
and support her thorough this. 
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thelmas4sale
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 45
Location: ,
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Posted: 07-18-07 18:50pm
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tell her shes beautiful..make her feel
good about herself (even if she doesnt
seem to be listening) it always makes a
woman feel better..let her catch you
checking her out lol..it just seems like
some of the flare has gone..maybe she
thinks since now you're married you've
lost or are going to lose interest.
the bulemic thing is definately an
issue..and it won't stop right away..but
be there for her..let her know how much
you care and how much you love her..every
inch of her
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005
Posts: 2486
Location: ,
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Thanked:10
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Re: Well Now That You Mention It
Posted: 07-18-07 20:01pm
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| knarf72
wrote: | she has super low self
esteem and she has come to being bulimic
and anorexic.
let's just say that it's starting to get
to me on many levels
I'm taking her to therapy with me so we
can work this
out.. |
bulimia and anorexia are very serious
phsychiatric illness. If they are not
caught early over the years the chance of
recovery is low resulting in death. I
would be very but very concerned about
this issue before even going to sexual
issues.
Man i saw this interview of a girl that
has struggled anorexia for many years and
omg she is being in medical therapy full
time for several months and still she
hates food and she was very clear saying
that this eating disorder needs to be
diagnosed quick and be treated quick
before it's too late.
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knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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Re: to Thelmas4sale
Posted: 07-18-07 21:03pm
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HI Thelma,
just some info on bulimia and anorexics --
never compliment them on how they
look...either way is bad. it actually
encourages them to diet more...
thanks for the good intentions
you guys really help..
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granny
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1
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Anorexic/asexual
Posted: 07-18-07 21:28pm
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Good for you for caring. It is a time for
you to put your own desires aside and do
everything that you can to take care of
your wife. Anorexia is a serious disease.
It is not a 'fad' or a 'mood' that someone
can snap out of. Your wife needs medical
attention and she needs you there to tell
the Dr. what is going on with her health.
There are many factors that trigger
anorexia and low-self esteem. Then the
lack of interest in sex follows because
sex is a pleasure. Someone with a disease
as severe as anorxia can not contemplate
pleasure. Please treat the situation very
seriously and get help.
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knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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Granny Respoonse
Posted: 07-18-07 21:55pm
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HI,
put my feelings aside is difficult after
12 FKN years of a sexless marriage, but I
am doing that....
her bulimia/anorexia started when she got
the inclination that I was having an
emotional (non sexual) relationship with a
co-worker.
I started an emotional relationship with a
coworker becuase everyone needs to be
close with someone.
I quickly stopped the emotional
relationship with the coworker and my wife
seems better.
We're going to therapy but i'm giving it x
amount of time before I pack it up.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 5542
Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 89
Thanked:31
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Posted: 07-19-07 13:33pm
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She needs specific treatment for her
eating disorder too, not just couples
therapy. Though that is necessary too so
you can learn how to cope with her
illness.
What she has is an illness. If you had a
wife with cancer, would you leave her
because she couldn't have sex? She needs
help right now. I realize it's not easy
for you, but you did promise "in sickness
and in health", right?
Sorry to sound mean, but I really feel for
women with eating disorders.
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Dale123
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 697
Location: Barrie, On Canada
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Re: Well Now That You Mention It
Posted: 07-19-07 19:43pm
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| knarf72
wrote: | she has super low self
esteem and she has come to being bulimic
and anorexic.
let's just say that it's starting to get
to me on many levels
I'm taking her to therapy with me so we
can work this
out.. |
maybe her low self esteem self image is
why she doesn't like sex as much have you
ever told her how sexy she is to make her
want to sleep with you?
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knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007
Posts: 49
Location: ,
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Re: Well Now That You Mention It
Posted: 07-19-07 20:30pm
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| Dale123
wrote: | | knarf72
wrote: | she has super low self
esteem and she has come to being bulimic
and anorexic.
let's just say that it's starting to get
to me on many levels
I'm taking her to therapy with me so we
can work this
out.. |
maybe her low self esteem self image is
why she doesn't like sex as much have you
ever told her how sexy she is to make her
want to sleep with
you? |
I've become somewhat of an expert on
anorexia and bulimia and talking about
physical appearance with someone that has
an eating disorder can trigger her to
start up on one of her starvation diets
again... i kind of have to walk on egg
shells with talking about physical
appearance. thanks for the advice i know
it was ment with good intentions
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worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007
Posts: 200
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Posted: 07-19-07 20:33pm
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| the_girlfreind
wrote: | | porn
:] |
haha it makes me laugh, everytime i see
something about a boring sex life or lack
of interest in sex i see you posting
"porn"..it just makes me laugh..i dunno
why...i'm thinking about doin the whole
watching porn with my bf thing...i dunno,
sometimes I feel slightly insecure for
some reason, i feel like he may compare me
to the porno girl or something..and i
honestly have NO IDEA why i feel that way
because he always tells me he loves me and
how beautiful he thinks i am etc...i'm
just weird like that, but..i'm considering
it..i think it'd be something new and not
so extravagant to spice up the sex
life...OH OH OH!!! AND..i JUST bought him
a new home theater system for his
birthday! so..buying a porno dvd for him
along with it would TOTALLY catch him off
guard haha hmmm...lightbulb
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