Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances Posted: 07-18-07 21:44pm
HI,
I have known my wife for 12 years, married
8
during the 4 years that we went out we
never had sex.. no oral nothing just
kissing and petting over clothes the last
two years.
She said she had a problem with having sex
before marriage.. so i went along with
it.
partly becuase i had premature ejaculation
and i avoided the embarassment and stress
of trying to successfully have sex
after marriage. it wasn't much better..
I give her oral, I barely got a short hand
job sometimes. , i get no oral we have
vaginal sex but i don't last too long
because of my PE...
my PE has gotten worse because I feel like
i'm raping her sometimes
i get the feeling that she doesn't want
to participate--- or that the window to
have sex with her is short because for her
it is a moment of weakness and if she
"thinks" it's over.
now i'm sick and tired of it, I want to
get rid of the premature ejaculation
problem but I want a willing partner.
she's not even disappointed that I have
PE... I sometime wish she was... it would
show me that she is a little interested.
is it wrong to want to have sex? is it a
valid reason to packup and leave?
the only reason i'm not leaving is because
i have kids.
i'm tring to be an honourable guy but it's
harder and harder... we only live so long
and we deserve a little sexual pleasure.
----------TRULY DEPRESSED-----------------
|
AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8344 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 186
Thanked:15
Posted: 07-18-07 21:56pm
Cheating won't solve your problems with
your wife. I would recommend marriage
counseling and possibly sex therapy. If
you feel there's no hope for your
marriage, maybe divorce is the answer. But
you will solve nothing by going outside of
your marriage for sex. You won't be doing
your children any favors by cheating on
their mother.
Please... get help or move on. Don't be
unfaithful.
|
young Girl
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Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-18-07 22:45pm
AyaMiyaki
wrote:
Cheating won't solve your
problems with your wife. I would recommend
marriage counseling and possibly sex
therapy. If you feel there's no hope for
your marriage, maybe divorce is the
answer. But you will solve nothing
by going outside of your marriage for sex.
You won't be doing your children any
favors by cheating on their mother.
Please... get help or move on. Don't be
unfaithful.
yeah i agree with AyaMiyaki...
|
Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007 Posts: 1743 Location: NY
Posted: 07-18-07 22:50pm
I understand your frustration. You can
try couples counseling or sex therapy.
You can even see if she would be willing
to have an open relationship.
You can also leave if you want to.
Relationships end, and that's ok. Even
people with children break up. You are
not obligated to stay just because you
have kids. In fact, sometimes it's even
better for the kids when the parents split
up, especially if there is tension,
yelling, fighting, etc.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-18-07 23:31pm
the_girlfreind
wrote:
AyaMiyaki
wrote:
Cheating won't solve your
problems with your wife. I would recommend
marriage counseling and possibly sex
therapy. If you feel there's no hope for
your marriage, maybe divorce is the
answer. But you will solve nothing
by going outside of your marriage for sex.
You won't be doing your children any
favors by cheating on their mother.
Please... get help or move on. Don't be
unfaithful.
yeah i agree with
AyaMiyaki...
As do I. Being unfaithful will get you
sex, but it won't fix your marriage; it
will only break it. I would never cheat.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-18-07 23:33pm
"never leave the one you LOVE for the one
you like because the one you like will
only leave you for the one they LOVE"
|
worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 200
Re: Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances Posted: 07-19-07 10:53am
knarf72
wrote:
HI,
I have known my wife for 12 years, married
8
during the 4 years that we went out we
never had sex.. no oral nothing just
kissing and petting over clothes the last
two years.
She said she had a problem with having sex
before marriage.. so i went along with
it.
partly becuase i had premature ejaculation
and i avoided the embarassment and stress
of trying to successfully have sex
after marriage. it wasn't much better..
I give her oral, I barely got a short hand
job sometimes. , i get no oral we have
vaginal sex but i don't last too long
because of my PE...
my PE has gotten worse because I feel like
i'm raping her sometimes
i get the feeling that she doesn't want
to participate--- or that the window to
have sex with her is short because for her
it is a moment of weakness and if she
"thinks" it's over.
now i'm sick and tired of it, I want to
get rid of the premature ejaculation
problem but I want a willing partner.
she's not even disappointed that I have
PE... I sometime wish she was... it would
show me that she is a little interested.
is it wrong to want to have sex? is it a
valid reason to packup and leave?
the only reason i'm not leaving is because
i have kids.
i'm tring to be an honourable guy but it's
harder and harder... we only live so long
and we deserve a little sexual pleasure.
----------TRULY DEPRESSED-----------------
\
why would you cheat on your wife just
because she accepts the fact that you have
PE??? if you wanna get laid and cheat on
her with some other girl..i'm almost
positive the other girl will be more
dissappointed and complain about it...the
fact that your wife loves you enough to
accept it and not care is nice..and you're
complaining because of that?...wow...i'm
at a loss of words..all i can say is..in
my personal opinion its NEVER ok to
cheat..there is absolutely no reason that
can justify you touching or being with
another woman in that way if you're
married...why dont you two talk about
things...
i would go in for counciling and talk to
your dr about your pe.
like i told my hubby if you are gonna
cheat then tell me and we will get a
divorce cause you wouldnt cheat if you
were happy so why cause more pain by
cheating.
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 07-19-07 13:37pm
Why are you leaving out the information
about her eating disorder/depression that
you posted in the other post? It's
important information.
If the sex has never been there, what do
you like about her? Try to remember the
reasons you got married in the first
place.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-19-07 13:57pm
under no circumstances (to me) is cheating
ok.If you feel the need or you want to or
are going to do so you may as well
leave.It's not fair no matter what the
situation
|
worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 200
Posted: 07-19-07 18:28pm
Georgia59
wrote:
Why are you leaving out the
information about her eating
disorder/depression that you posted in the
other post? It's important information.
If the sex has never been there, what do
you like about her? Try to remember the
reasons you got married in the first
place.
maybe the depression has something to do
with it? lack of confidence? i dont know,
but you guys should definitely talk about
whats going on, dont attack her or
anything and make it like its her problem,
just tell her you're concerned and ask her
what you can do to change or improve
things
|
Ingi
Supporter
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8918 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 173
Thanked:197
Posted: 07-19-07 18:42pm
Your title sounds like you are trying to
justify cheating.
What would it matter what other
people would do? What will you do?
If this is who your wife is, and it is
what your relationship has always been
(sounds kind of like it, but I wouldn't
know because it is your relationship) then
you need to think about how you got
yourself into this. If this is a new
aspect of your relationship, again, I
think you need to think of how it became
this way.
Cheating, having affairs, etc - will not
change your marriage for the better. It
will not help your PE. It won't solve a
single of your issues. If this is what you
need to do though, to make yourself happy,
please end your relationship with your
wife first. If your marriage truly is
awful, there isn't any reason for anyone
to stay in it and be unhappy, is there?
|
knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 49 Location: ,
Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife Posted: 07-19-07 20:51pm
Georgia59
wrote:
Why are you leaving out the
information about her eating
disorder/depression that you posted in the
other post? It's important information.
If the sex has never been there, what do
you like about her? Try to remember the
reasons you got married in the first
place.
--- the issue that I think has brought my
wife to having an eating disorder was
recent and i believe it started as a
result of my wife getting the impression
that I was having an emotional
relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )
the reason I was having an emotional
relationship with a co-worker is becuase i
needed and still need to feel close with
someone. I don't feel that with her... she
keeps me at arms length.
I stopped the emotional relationship with
the co-worker and my wife seems better.
but I'm still not happy
It's not about sticking my PE penis in
someone.. it's about being close with
someone and being understoood.
my relationship is very hollow with my
wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an
emotional level.
I don't think I would go as far as having
sex with someone but my current
relationship really sucks and she doesn't
want to work at it.
BTW with regards to your second question
--- What I love about my wife is that she
is truly a good person, a good hearted
thoughtful person who would jump tp help
anybody.
----------
|
worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 200
Re: Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife Posted: 07-19-07 20:56pm
knarf72
wrote:
Georgia59
wrote:
Why are you leaving out the
information about her eating
disorder/depression that you posted in the
other post? It's important information.
If the sex has never been there, what do
you like about her? Try to remember the
reasons you got married in the first
place.
--- the issue that I think has brought my
wife to having an eating disorder was
recent and i believe it started as a
result of my wife getting the impression
that I was having an emotional
relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )
the reason I was having an emotional
relationship with a co-worker is becuase i
needed and still need to feel close with
someone. I don't feel that with her... she
keeps me at arms length.
I stopped the emotional relationship with
the co-worker and my wife seems better.
but I'm still not happy
It's not about sticking my PE penis in
someone.. it's about being close with
someone and being understoood.
my relationship is very hollow with my
wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an
emotional level.
I don't think I would go as far as having
sex with someone but my current
relationship really sucks and she doesn't
want to work at it.
BTW with regards to your second question
--- What I love about my wife is that she
is truly a good person, a good hearted
thoughtful person who would jump tp help
anybody.
----------
you guys should work on rebuilding the
relationship together, reminisc..talk
about your first date or a trip or
something when the relationship was
good,are you sure she DOESN"T want to work
at it? maybe she gets the feeling that you
dont care to work at it...and if i were
her I too would feel threatened if you
were getting emotionally involved with
another woman, maybe thats why shes being
so defensive and stand offish...let her
know that you are trying and that you do
love her and that you're doing everything
you can to hold you two together but you
need her to cooperate, because if shes
uninterested..then i'm not really sure
where to go...
|
knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 49 Location: ,
Re: Would You Cheat? Under These Circumstances Posted: 07-19-07 21:02pm
worrywart001
wrote:
knarf72
wrote:
HI,
I have known my wife for 12 years, married
8
during the 4 years that we went out we
never had sex.. no oral nothing just
kissing and petting over clothes the last
two years.
She said she had a problem with having sex
before marriage.. so i went along with
it.
partly becuase i had premature ejaculation
and i avoided the embarassment and stress
of trying to successfully have sex
after marriage. it wasn't much better..
I give her oral, I barely got a short hand
job sometimes. , i get no oral we have
vaginal sex but i don't last too long
because of my PE...
my PE has gotten worse because I feel like
i'm raping her sometimes
i get the feeling that she doesn't want
to participate--- or that the window to
have sex with her is short because for her
it is a moment of weakness and if she
"thinks" it's over.
now i'm sick and tired of it, I want to
get rid of the premature ejaculation
problem but I want a willing partner.
she's not even disappointed that I have
PE... I sometime wish she was... it would
show me that she is a little interested.
is it wrong to want to have sex? is it a
valid reason to packup and leave?
the only reason i'm not leaving is because
i have kids.
i'm tring to be an honourable guy but it's
harder and harder... we only live so long
and we deserve a little sexual pleasure.
----------TRULY DEPRESSED-----------------
\
why would you cheat on your wife just
because she accepts the fact that you have
PE??? if you wanna get laid and cheat on
her with some other girl..i'm almost
positive the other girl will be more
dissappointed and complain about it...the
fact that your wife loves you enough to
accept it and not care is nice..and you're
complaining because of that?...wow...i'm
at a loss of words..all i can say is..in
my personal opinion its NEVER ok to
cheat..there is absolutely no reason that
can justify you touching or being with
another woman in that way if you're
married...why dont you two talk about
things...
I hate having PE...it's destorying my
soul, and it's not about [edit] someone
else it's about being close with
someone...It is good that she doesn't mind
about my PE but I wish she did ..so we
could be closer...
Cheating in many cases has very little to
do with SEX..
I think it's about a loss connection with
someone...
it looks like my wife doesn't want to work
at this... and I'm very sad
It's funny I read this over and I know I
won't cheat on her but.. I miss the
connection know what I mean?
|
knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 49 Location: ,
Re: Thinking of Cheating On Ed Wife Posted: 07-19-07 21:05pm
worrywart001
wrote:
knarf72
wrote:
Georgia59
wrote:
Why are you leaving out the
information about her eating
disorder/depression that you posted in the
other post? It's important information.
If the sex has never been there, what do
you like about her? Try to remember the
reasons you got married in the first
place.
--- the issue that I think has brought my
wife to having an eating disorder was
recent and i believe it started as a
result of my wife getting the impression
that I was having an emotional
relationship with someone else.
(a loss of control )
the reason I was having an emotional
relationship with a co-worker is becuase i
needed and still need to feel close with
someone. I don't feel that with her... she
keeps me at arms length.
I stopped the emotional relationship with
the co-worker and my wife seems better.
but I'm still not happy
It's not about sticking my PE penis in
someone.. it's about being close with
someone and being understoood.
my relationship is very hollow with my
wife mostly becuase we don't connect on an
emotional level.
I don't think I would go as far as having
sex with someone but my current
relationship really sucks and she doesn't
want to work at it.
BTW with regards to your second question
--- What I love about my wife is that she
is truly a good person, a good hearted
thoughtful person who would jump tp help
anybody.
----------
you guys should work on rebuilding the
relationship together, reminisc..talk
about your first date or a trip or
something when the relationship was
good,are you sure she DOESN"T want to work
at it? maybe she gets the feeling that you
dont care to work at it...and if i were
her I too would feel threatened if you
were getting emotionally involved with
another woman, maybe thats why shes being
so defensive and stand offish...let her
know that you are trying and that you do
love her and that you're doing everything
you can to hold you two together but you
need her to cooperate, because if shes
uninterested..then i'm not really sure
where to
go...
thanks ..
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 07-19-07 21:07pm
I'm sorry, but if you don't want to work
through her mental issues first, you're
never going to get good sex. She has
serious mental problems and they need to
be worked on.
How would her caring about your PE make
you closer?
PE is your problem, you need to get out
there and start research to help it get
better because it IS possible. She can't
care about your PE because she has issues
herself.
Having problems doesn't make you bad
people, however, I just don't see your
relationship being a healthy thing for
either of you at this point...
|
worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 200
Posted: 07-19-07 21:12pm
hey is it possible to take her to the
place where u guys had your first date? u
know..kinda like a "lets start over"
thing...then u can be romantic and talk
about past good times and how you really
want this to work..try to reconnect you
know..start fresh...I really hope things
work out with you guys, best of luck to
you and try to keep your head up as
frustrating as it can be...when I'm going
through a tough time it always helps to
hold on to the great times i've had with
my man and realize that THAT is what i'm
holding on to and fighting for..and i tell
myself, maybe things aren't ok now..but
i'm not gonna give up, because I KNOW they
can go back to the way they were and i'm
gonna do anything and everything I can to
fix it
|
AyaMiyaki
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8344 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 186
Thanked:15
Posted: 07-19-07 21:28pm
My advice for anybody and everybody in any
kind of relationship: be open and honest
about your feelings. If you feel like your
relationship is hollow, you need to let
her know. If you feel she's closed herself
off from you, tell her. If you think she
has problems that she isn't able to
handle, talk to her about maybe seeking
therapy. And if you don't feel you can
continue on, ask yourself if it's maybe
time for you to move on.
Your answer lies within the four corners
of your house - and possible a counselor's
office. You will solve nothing in another
woman's arms. That's like trying to stick
a bandaid on cancer. It just won't do
anything, buddy.
I'm not sure you should be thinking of
this as "I need to feel close to someone".
You should be thinking of this as "I need
to feel close to my wife". Help her find help
with her eating disorders. Help her find
help with depression, if need be. You
probably need some help too, from the
sound of it. You sound very lonely and
depressed yourself, which is only natural
after coping with this for so long.
But again, cheating is not your answer.
Emotional affairs aren't your answer.
|
knarf72
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 49 Location: ,
Merci Posted: 07-19-07 21:33pm
Thank you all for your comments... they
really get the wheels turning.
it's nice to unload what I'm thinking and
get honest answers
